Run Number 405: Neighborhood Nonsense

It was another beautiful Sunday afternoon in Nha Trang, Vietnam, and as we always do on Sundays, we went on a hash run. The run met at BBQ Un In, the home of the Nha Trang Hash, and at 3 PM our fearless leader “Miss Mary Poppins” had our pack of 27 board the bus for our journey into the unknown.

As the bus headed south out of the city and onto the familiar highway to Bai Dai Beach, hashers could be heard grumbling and groaning as we realized we might be going to the damn beach again, only to be pleasantly surprised as the bus grumbled to a halt on the side of the road. It appears we’d be getting some new scenery after all.

“Miss Mary Poppins” circled the hashers up and introduced the lone virgin, who was very shy and unsure about all this hash nonsense, and then opened the circles to hares “Pickle Dick” and “Mirror” to introduce the run. They showed us what marks to look for, advised us the trail was clearly marked, and we were off into the wilds of Vietnam.

The first half of the run was a serene little stroll through a quiet neighborhood, with clear marks as promised. The hares provided plenty of places for thirsty hashers to purchase libations, which was more than necessary as it was absolutely fucking cooking outside. It was a nice enough trail, with plenty of twists and turns to keep things interesting, and before they knew it the sweaty pack had arrived at the first drink stop.

After the hashers’ thirst had been abated by refreshing San Miguel brews, we were off to the races for the second half, which started by crossing the very busy highway. Traffic dodged and hashers safe, the pack enjoyed a series of small paths and trails through another neighborhood, with friendly local children darting among the hashers in search of high-fives. After a few short kilometers, the pack arrived at the final drinks stop, a scenic enough setting with a view over the river as the sun set behind the mountains.

Once at the drinks stop, “Knob Polisher” made short work of the customary watermelon and before we knew it, the hash was chowing down on some nutritious nibbles. As the watermelon disappeared, hares “Pickle Dick” and “Mirror” served up a giant cauldron of homemade vegetarian soup with chunks of baguette. Loads of fresh herbs, carrots, potatoes, cauliflower, mushrooms, and more all in a savory broth, what a meal!

Bellies full, the hashers quickly circled up and got around to the business of charges. Up first was the virgin, who did not feel up to participating. We did sing her a song, very quietly, but since she was sad and we like to have fun at the hash, we didn’t push the matter any further. Then it was on to charges, and up first was “Pickle Dick” and “Mirror”, the hares responsible for this disaster.

“Miss Mary Poppins” called on a very hot and disoriented “Saxostoned” to deliver the run report, who spouted out a few lines of nonsense about it being nice and the food being good and awarded the diabolical duo a score of -250, which is all in all not a bad showing!

The floor was then opened to charges, and it was time to nominate a Dick of the Week. “Constant Disappointment” was quick to nominate “Miss Mary Poppins” and “Saxostoned” for some kind of trumped up charges, but those two quick thinkers expediently realized it would be easier (and better for them) to just put “Constant Disappointment” on the ice instead for breaking his sunglasses while kicking water at other hashers. So “Constant Disappointment” had to take a stupid drink and won Dick of the Week for the 3rd week running. Congratulations!

Up next we iced “Dick Fromage” on the charge that he’s a dick, which nobody can deny. This was also a chance for RA “Constant Disappointment” to introduce a new game to the hash: Nose Goes. When the RA shouts “nose goes!”, the last person to put a finger on their nose has to help whichever old geezer is on the ice back onto his feet. In this case, “Just Diem” drew the short straw and had to help pull “Dick Fromage” from the ice.

RA “Constant Disappointment” then set about the business of charging people for not wearing hash shirts, promptly icing “Just Tony” and “Just Sinat” for not wearing the appropriate attire. They were let off with a very short stint on the ice as long as they promised to buy shirts next week. Let this serve as a reminder! Don’t be cheap, buy a shirt, the proceeds literally feed hungry orphans you penny-pinching monsters or we will ice you til your ass turns blue.

We let “Just Sinat” off the ice, but “Just Tony” had to stay, since it was Anzac Day and “Just Tony” is Australian. We then realized New Zealanders also celebrate this day so we invited “Saddle Sniffer” and “Fuckin Innocent” to join their compatriot on the ice. We sang them a lovely song about their illegitimacy and let them back up.

Much to the dismay of the rest of the circle, “Indecent Exposure” then tried to levy a charge against “Pickle Dick” for allegedly promoting a new beer. “Pickle Dick” has taken steps to improve his health, and as a result drinks a beer substitute which he told people was good. “Indecent Exposure”, being the whiner that he is, tried to charge him with being treasonous to our beloved San Miguel which was of course a false charge. Drinking is a personal choice, so we iced “Indecent Exposure” instead and made him drink “Pickle Dick’s” beer substitute.

Enterprising young hasher “Deadly” then placed our seasoned RA “Constant Disappointment” on the ice for the heinous charge of erasing AND covering the marks so painstakingly laid by the hares, and using beer to do so! What a dick move.

Perhaps most important of all, we had a naming this week. Returning hasher “Just Diem” decided to hare last week’s trail, and since she was silly enough to return this week, we thought we’d give her a name. “Just Diem” is a primary school teacher that peddles various beauty products in her time off. In fact, she was peddling beauty products during the hash! No need explaining the name, then… Welcome to the hash, “Face Cream”!

And last but not least, not to be outdone, “Constant Disappointment” tried to charge GM “Miss Mary Poppins” for kicking water at him, until a few other hashers confessed to having witnessed “Constant Disappointment” doing the same. So we iced both of them.

The sun having set behind the misty mountains and the river aglow with the last glimmers of fading twilight, the weary and contented pack boarded the asthmatic bus and made our slow return to town, another fantastic hash under their belts and in their hearts.

And that’s how the hash was hashed!

ON-ON!

“Saxostoned”

Scribe, NTVHHH

Scribe's Note: due to technical difficulties there are no photos for Facebook this week. Photos can be reviewed on our website for those interested. Sorry folks, no way for me to get pics from my camera to my computer since my computer is out of commission. I typed this report on my phone, you're welcome.

Run 404: Error. Run Not Found.

It was a sunny Sunday afternoon as the Nha Trang Hash met their compatriots at the home of the hash, BBQ Un In. A meager pack of 23 arrived and with nobody else in sight, "Miss Mary Poppins" put us all on the bus and we were off.

It was a beautiful drive out into the countryside of Vietnam as the asthmatic bus trundled through villages and rice fields before arriving at our final destination, just outside of a temple.

"Miss Mary Poppins" introduced the lone virgin, who was already in a daze from having been stuck next to " Dick Fromage" for the entirety of the bus ride, and then invited hares "Premium Call Girl" and "Just Diem" to explain the debacle ahead.

The first half of the trail was truly lovely, an afternoon jaunt through a quaint little village with plenty of opportunities for thirsty hashers to buy road sodas. Unfortunately, the trail was very poorly marked and the pack spent the Run worrying if they were going the right way.

Somewhere along the way, a very drunk "Constant Disappointment" fell into a rice paddy and showed up to the drinks stop with a new shirt. Apparently he bought it off a local lady's back because "it's pink and has rainbows". That boy ain't right.

Anyway after a fantastic first half of the run, we were off to a very lazy second half wherein we just walked through a muddy field in full view of the bus.

Then it was onto the beers, and some fantastic vegetarian noodles by our very own "Screwgineer", before we moved on to the charges.

Iced first were the hares, who were promptly and thoroughly berated by a severely inebriated "Constant Disappointment".

Up next, "Dick Fromage" was iced for not having anything better to do with his time than hash. This led to him completing over 250 runs with the Nha Trang Hash so we gave him a t-shirt.

Then, we needed a Dick of the Week, which was awarded to "Constant Disappointment" because of course it was. Plus, it's great fun watching him take Stupid Drinks, which were his idea to begin with.

Of course it wouldn't be a hash without sex, so "Major Pain in the Ass" and "Just Diem" were nominated for arctic asses due to unlawful fornication. For some reason "Constant Disappointment" was on the ice with them, even though we all know he's about as sexless as a hagfish.

On the ice next was "Screwgineer" and his partner "Just Nhan", because they weren't wearing hash shirts. In fact, "Screwgineer" was wearing the pink shirt that "Constant Disappointment" had bought from a random villager. I don't even want to know what sort of homoerotic nonsense is at play here.

Finally, we gave Beer Bitch "Birdshit" a go on the ice for not serving people their San Miguel quickly enough, and with the charges done, we were on the way back home.

And that's how the hash was hashed!

ON-ON!

"Saxostoned"

Scribe, NTVHHH

Run Number 403: The Wet and Wild Run

The Nha Trang Hash started this past Sunday at the same place it always starts: BBQ Un In, the home of the Nha Trang Hash. A pack of 32 showed up to join us on our weekly escapade and with all the money counted and runners registered, “Miss Mary Poppins” got us on the bus promptly at 3. Just kidding, we actually got on the bus at 3:15 despite repeated warnings from hares “Saxostoned” and “Constant Disappointment” that time was of the essence.

Late or not, the bus was off, with “Piston Broke” charting a beautiful course onto the highway and into the Nha Trang countryside. After a short 45 minute jaunt through gorgeous scenery, the asthmatic bus trundled up a hill and to the start point of our run, with breath-taking views of the Suoi Dau reservoir to enjoy as we circled up and got to know our virgins.

Once “Miss Mary Poppins” had made our two virgins feel right at home, he opened the circle to our hares of the week, “Saxostoned” and “Constant Disappointment”. “Saxostoned” gave a detailed report of what to expect on the run which nobody fucking listened to for even a second, and then the clueless pack was off to the races.

The first half of the run was an easy, breezy stroll across the entire length of the Suoi Dau dam, with panoramic views of the countryside, lake, and mountains. Unfortunately, Religious Advisor “Constant Disappointment” decided to deliver some of his trademark disappointment as the rain began pouring down as soon as we started the run. To his testament, it was over in about ten minutes, but should it have happened in the first place? Abso-fucking-lutely not.

The thirsty hashers arrived at the drink stop to find several shopping bags full of ice cold libations, in lieu of the traditional coolers. The reason? The dedicated hares were so committed to planning a worthwhile trail that even though the bus couldn’t make it to the drink stop, they figured the drinks still could. So the burly and masculine hares humped more than a case of beer plus soft drinks all the way across the dam in the interest of the hashers’ drinking problem. Nary so much as a thank you, but I digress.

While the other hashers enjoyed their drink stop, hares “Saxostoned” and “Constant Disappointment” shot off to mark the second half of the trail. Not that they didn’t spend 7 hours planning and marking the day before; it’s just that the vicious rain over the weekend washed away the hares’ well-intentioned and eco-friendly flour trail. However, running ahead of the pack ended up being of great benefit to the hares, as you’ll soon find out…

The rest of the pack, their drink stop completed, set off on the second half of the trail. They enjoyed a serene stroll through the Vietnam countryside, along the shores of an idyllic lake and through flourishing banana plantations. Also, shit tons of mud and mosquitoes, huge puddles, a few steep and slippery hills… but very pretty!

Anyway, as the hashers hashed the second half, the hares completed the final obstacle between the hashers and the beer: the river crossing. When the hares attempted it the day before, the water level was much lower and the crossing was a walk in the park. A solid day of rain later, the levels had risen ever so slightly, but just enough to make it challenging. After a good 20 minutes of slipping, laughing, sliding, and falling, the adventurous hares had charted the safest way across and eagerly waited on the other side of the river.

After a 20 minute wait, the first hashers showed up at the edge of the river, only to peer across it with a dirty look, as if to say “fuck this”. But, the light was starting to fade, and with twilight upon them, the hashers saw there was no way around it. And so they began to cross. As more time passed, more and more hashers showed up, and the light died further and further. The last groups of hashers to cross the river did so in the dark, aided only by cellphone flashlights and the dim glow of a lantern. “Saxostoned” stood in the middle of the river and helped groups across the most treacherous parts, while “Constant Disappointment” laid on the shore smoking cigarettes and drinking beer.

When the entire pack had crossed, we noticed that a few things were missing from the end of the run. Namely, “Piston Broke” and the bus were nowhere to be found. And in addition to that, “Nipple Licker”, “Princess Fiona”, and “Pirate Al-Shaboobie” (who were supposed to be on the bus) were also not there. A quick call to “Piston Broke” revealed he had been told not to move, and a quick call to “Pirate Al-Shaboobie” revealed that the bus was also not at the starting point and thus had moved.

In true hash fashion, a comedy of errors ensued as we all boarded the bus at the end point to go back to the start point to pick up the lost hashers and commence our food, beer, and circle. Thankfully, the wayward trio met us at the bus shortly after arriving back at the start point, and although they were a midge grumpy, they were safe.

This is where the report breaks character a bit, because this is pretty fucking important. This whole shit show happened because some idiot took it upon themselves to give the bus driver directions that were completely contrary to the established plan. While this seems like common sense, it obviously bears some repeating: UNLESS YOU ARE “MISS MARY POPPINS” OR ONE OF THE HARES FOR THE WEEK, YOU HAVE NO FUCKING BUSINESS TELLING THE BUS WHERE TO GO OR NOT GO.

Anyway, we finally got the customary watermelon out, which was piss-yellow for some reason, and then supped on steaming bowls of “Screwgineer’s” amazing beef curry. When the hashers had eaten their fill, and all with cleansing San Miguel brews in hand, “Miss Mary Poppins” called for the official start of what was meant to be a short circle. Meant to be.

First on the ice were the intrepid and very handsome hares “Saxostoned” and “Constant Disappointment”. They would have liked to receive a proper run report from their fellow hashers, but instead “Miss Mary Poppins” spent the time ranting and raving about proper bus protocols and how to avoid potentially dangerous fuck-ups like this from happening again. Annoying, but necessary. Nonetheless, the hares scraped up a respectable score of -69 each, for a total of -138. Not bad for a run with a nighttime river crossing and three lost hashers!

Iced next was “Constant Disappointment”, the RA responsible for the abysmal weather. Since the whole hash got wet thanks to his negligence, he was promptly nominated for Dick of the Week and made to take a stupid drink. No doubt cranky about his icy bum, “Constant Disappointment” was the next person to start throwing charges around, putting “Pencil Dick”, “Van Dyke”, “Princess Fiona”, and “Pirate Al-Shaboobie” on the ice for not attending any hashes in recent memory.

Up next was “Indecent Exposure”, iced for the heinous crime of not just complaining about the run, but griping that there weren’t enough potatoes in his bowl of stew. There’s Irish hashers among us, you prick, we don’t joke about not having enough potatoes.

“Just Cara” was foolish enough to wear new shoes to the hash, so she was promptly iced by “Princess Fiona” and made to drink beer from her sparkling new sneakers. She was invited to stay on the ice for the charge of not wearing a hash shirt, but she (very grumpily) declined the generous offer.

“Rent Boy” and “Ass Tulip” were then iced together so that they could cool down, as they had been arguing like a couple of pre-teen girls yet again. “Ass Tulip”, no doubt not thinking clearly because of his frozen derriere, then tried to ice “Rent Boy” for not attending last week’s hash. As we all know, that is a false charge, so “Ass Tulip” was iced instead.

By this time it was well past dark, pushing 8:30 PM, and “Saddle Sniffer” calmly suggested we get the fuck back on the bus and head home since some of us have work in the morning. Thankfully, we had a long bus ride back, which left ample opportunity for lots of terrible songs and even more terrible singing. Choirmaster “Ass Tulip”, having exhausted his supply of songs, was more than happy to let the visiting hashers “Pencil Dick” and “Van Dyke” chime in with some songs of their own. After 45 minutes of songs about incest, necrophilia, sacrilege, and beer, the asthmatic bus slowly crawled to a stop in front of the home of the Nha Trang Hash,BBQ Un In, and Run Number 403 had come to an end.

And that’s how the hash was hashed!

Editor’s note: keep in mind that all proceeds go to a local orphanage. Yes, that’s right, you can literally feed, clothe, and house a child in dire straits by going out for a walk and drinking beer. Also, BBQ Un In is our sponsor… that means we get to store our coolers and beverages at their establishment, and we have a safe, comfortable spot to meet up and get registered. Please remember to return the favor by buying a beer or two before the bus leaves, or better yet, stopping there for some grub after the run.

Until next time,

ON-ON!

“Saxostoned”

Scribe, NTVHHH

Run number 402: The “How the hell did that happen?” Run

Holy Moly! Two Sundays in a row, and two runs completed. Long may this winning streak continue!!

The run started off as it always does, at the home of the Nha Trang Hash, BBQ Un Inn.

Obviously, word had got out about the stunning success that was run #201, and as departure time neared, more and more (and more) people started appearing. By the time we left we had somewhat more than 40 people.

The poor old asthmatic blue bus was completely stunned by this turn of events, so much so that it behaved itself impeccably. First gear? No problem! Reverse? No problem! It was almost as it was expecting trouble, and had decided to put on its best behaviour.

Speaking of expectations for the run, Rent Boy (the hare this week) had told people to bring swimming gear, as we would be ‘finishing by a beach’.

On hearing this news a collective groan was heard throughout Nha Trang. You see, Rent Boy has been known to do multiple hashes where we end up at Bãi Dài beach.

And a lovely beach it is too, but just not … exciting new territory.

Anyway, the weather was good, and people obviously felt like stretching their legs and socialising, so everybody just shrugged, said “Oh well”, and meekly got on the bus.

Now, the other thing Rent Boy (bless his shiny white head) is known for is the occasional ‘hiccup’ on his runs.

So hearing him tell the bus driver just to ‘follow my motorbike’ left some people on the bus with a strong sense of foreboding.

Surprisingly, though, things worked out rather well, and we arrived at Nha Trang’s ‘old’ port without getting lost.

Okaaay - so it appeared the hash would involve a boat trip.

Everybody was herded together to the jetty, where we all milled round in confusion, wondering where the boat was.

On asking Rent Boy “What happens now?”, we were told “Just wait - a local ferry should turn up soon”

On hearing this, those of us who had started feeling a little less pessimistic began to get a bit of a sinking feeling again.

You see, today was Sunday, which meant most locals were probably at home, and the ferry was likely to run less frequently.

This was compounded by the fact that we had over 40 hashers, plus some locals, and the boats we could see didn’t seem big enough to cope with anywhere near that number of people.

What doubting fools we were! Within about 15 (anxious) minutes, a medium-sized ferry appeared, and approximately 55 passengers jumped on board (despite the ferry seeming to have a ‘comfortable’ capacity of ooh … around 30!)

Nobody batted an eyelid though, somebody distributed five (I kid you not!) life jackets amongst those looking most likely to fall overboard, and off we went.

Some people did mention that if the ferry sank both the Nha Trang Hash and the local rental market would probably never recover, but they were rightly dismissed as ‘negative nellies’

After a 15 minute ride, we disembarked on a smallish island for what turned out to be a picturesque and delightful hash around various alleys on the island, finishing up for the drinks stop at a nice small beach, as promised.

Of course, it wasn’t completely plain sailing. At one point Rent Boy had got lost while marking the trail, and although he tried to erase the marks, the eagle-eyed front runners found them, and led the pack off on a wild goose chase and a dead end.

However, this was solved by a phone call to Rent Boy, which put us back on the right track, and actually helped bring the pack together as a nice tight bunch for the finish.

After some crisp, cool, cleansing San Miguel lagers, we had another 10 minute walk back to the ferry, which turned up fairly quickly, and it was an uneventful trip (this time with at least 60 people on board!) back to the mainland for the circle.

A quick bus trip followed to a place we’d previously used for the circle, tasty food (provided by “Pickle Dick” and “Mirror) and drinks were unloaded, and everybody milled around chatting and waiting for the silliness to start.

It wouldn’t be a real hash without one last complication though. A bunch of security guards turned up, and after a grumpy discussion we had to get back on the bus and find another place to have the circle.

Finally, running a bit late, we found a good spot, and the circle began. The virgins got off lightly this time, as we had 14 (!) and there wasn’t enough time to subject them to the normal ridicule and innuendo, so we jumped straight to the run report.

Now as you know - while the run report takes place, the hare is made to sit on a sack of ice as suitable punishment for whatever they’ve done to the pack that day.

However, Rent Boy had disappeared on his motorbike to ‘take somebody back to town’ (yeah, right!), so we needed a substitute to take his place.

Luckily we had an easy choice - his girlfriend, “Premium Call Girl” was the perfect candidate.

When she asked “But why me?”, she had no comeback to the answer of “Because you’ve got more of Rent Boy in you than anybody else here!”

She was somewhat mollified by getting a very respectable score for the run of -68, and was a good sport about the whole thing, so good on her (although if anybody sees Rent Boy with any injuries this week I think we’ll know why)

As we were running out of time we only had a few mostly unmemorable charges, although the highlight was “Indecent Exposure” trying to charge “Miss Mary Poppins” for something, and ending up on the ice (as usual) for a false charge.

With that, it was back on the bus to Un Inn, after an unexpected and surprisingly delightful hash.

Long may it continue! On on!

Addendum: for those who don’t know, all profits the Hash makes after paying for the cost of drinks, food go straight to a local orphanage.

S. Sniffer

See full Album here

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PS (Editor)- We only had one set of photos submitted to hash site, so if anyone has any better stuff - message hash and someone will try to add

Run number 401: The Four Tiny Pussies Run

Oh hashers, what a joy it is to be writing up a run report, a chore I’ve dearly missed for the past 8 weeks. Let us pray to the beer gods that COVID shall not again infringe upon our rights to guzzle, imbibe, and otherwise drink in the company of our fellows while walking around the countryside.

The run started off as it always does, at the home of the Nha Trang Hash, BBQ Un In. We had a meager pack of 20, and I expect those that did not attend did so due the advanced muscular atrophy that comes from not moving for 8 weeks. We paid our fees, bought road sodas for on the bus, and at 3 on the dot, we were off to the (very, very slow) races.

As the hasher sat on the bus, enjoying the scenery of the bustling city and the breeze blowing through the windows, we all found ourselves looking forward to a nice, long bus ride to get our mindset right for the hash run to come.

Much to our disappointment, we were there in about 10 fucking minutes.

As the grumbling hashers disembarked from the bus, which had a parked at a point in the city center that literally everyone could have fucking walked to from their houses, GM “Miss Mary Poppins” got the pack in a circle and introduced the lone virgin. The proverbial microphone was then passed on to hares “Saddle Sniffer” and “Ass Tulip”, except it was only “Saddle Sniffer” because “Ass Tulip” couldn’t be bothered to get off the bus, the lazy git.

“Saddle Sniffer” then introduced the run, which he promised was really great, but already there were murmurs in the crowd from the likes of “Constant Disappointment”, “Canny Hump”, and “Saxostoned”, who had definitely been served this platter of shit a few weeks ago by none other than “Ass Tulip”, one of the supposed “hares”.

Anyway, the pack set off through a lovely residential neighborhood which was truly and wonderfully quiet. However, it was quiet for good reason, as it was melt-your-fucking-face-off levels of hot and everyone was hiding in their houses. And of course, the hares hadn’t bothered to plan any shade into their run. Oh well, you can’t fix stupid.

As we strolled along the river (which smelled of sewage) and enjoyed the scenery (sun-baked asphalt), a group of hashers with keen ears picked up a high-pitched mewling coming from the bushes. Several hashers stopped to assess the situation, including “Saxostoned”, “Crimea River”, “Constant Disappointment”, “Premium Call Girl”, “Rent Boy”, and “Saddle Sniffer”. It appeared we had found a litter of four abandoned kittens, which were looking a bit ragged and emaciated and overheated from the blistering sun. After a bit of discussion, it was decided that they would definitely die if we left them, so “Saddle Sniffer” piled four tiny kittens into his hat and set off at a quick pace towards the cooling respite of the drinks stop.

As soon as we finished the first half of the run, we were relieved from our suffering by the crisp, cool, cleansing San Miguel lagers for which the hash is known (among other things). The kittens were put into a salvaged Styrofoam cooler to cool down, and closely monitored by a whole horde of curious hashers. “Saddle Sniffer” quickly set about the business of researching who could help and where to take them while the rest of the hash guzzled beer and told off-color jokes.

At one point during the drinks stop, “Canny Hump” showed up with a very feminine and not-so-fashionable straw hat, claiming he had found it on the run. Not far behind him was a very flustered and elderly local woman who very politely asked “Canny Hump” if he would please return her hat. We all know “Canny Hump” is about as tight-assed as they get, but stealing from a little old lady? Penny-pinching has hit a new low!

We then set off on the second half of the run, across a rickety railroad bridge while dodging trains, and around the other side of the Mighty Sewage River. Then, it was… back around the way we came and back to the drinks stop for circle time. Of course, no hash would be complete without a cracking meal from our very own “Screwgineer”, who cooked up a mean chicken curry on which all hashers summarily gorged themselves.

Hares “Saddle Sniffer” and “Ass Tulip” were promptly iced for their transgressions against hashers, the transgressions being the lazy, half-cooked run we were all forced to walk. “Canny Hump” tried his best to deliver a scathing run report, but instead found the attention on him as the entire circle took the piss out of him. At the end of it all, the good-for-nothing hares managed to scrape up a score of -6, one of the worst in ages.

GM “Miss Mary Poppins” then honored several committed hashers, each of whom had completed well over 100 runs with the Nha Trang Hash. They were thanked by being placed ceremoniously upon the ice, and then whacked around the face with a soaking wet, ice cold t-shirt, courtesy of “Constant Disappointment”. “Miss Mary Poppins”, every the modest and humble GM, also thanked himself for completing over 100 runs and gave himself a t-shirt.

With the veteran hashers duly recognizable in their baby blue, sodden shirts, RA “Constant Disappointment” opened the floor for charges. “Saxostoned”, “Crimea River”, and a hasher who has come often enough to know better but not often enough to have a name, were all iced for not wearing a hash shirt.

It was around this time that “Saddle Sniffer”, while on a phone call to some sort of female companion, walked backwards into a hole. Not content with having scored four tiny pussies earlier in the run, he felt the need to immerse himself completely in the widest hole he could find. Hasher “Knob Polisher” and RA “Constant Disappointment” witnessed the whole thing, and excused themselves from the circle amidst gales of laughter and snorting.

RA “Constant Disappointment” then introduced a new concept to the hashers, Wanker of the Week. “Ass Tulip” was nominated for his barbarically terrible run, and “Saddle Sniffer” was nominated for his unseemly obsession with holes. In the end, “Saddle Sniffer” won by a landslide, and was made to take two Stupid Drinks as opposed to “Ass Tulip’s” one drink.

When we attempted to sing a song for the pitiful pricks on the ice, Choirmaster “Ass Tulip” was unable to effectively remember the words or melody for any of the songs on the song sheet. Ex Choirmaster “Rent Boy” then promptly iced the new Choirmaster for not being fucking bothered to learn any songs over the course of the 8 weeks we weren’t hashing.

“Ass Tulip”, no doubt enraged at being iced yet again, then tried to levy a false charge against “Rent Boy” for… something? It was obviously bullshit, so RA “Constant Disappointment” promptly iced “Ass Tulip” and let “Rent Boy” skip away a free man.

“Constant Disappointment” was feeling disappointed, because the burly and generally half-nude “Screwgineer” had not yet removed his shirt during this hash. He considered this an ice-able offense and unceremoniously sentenced “Screwgineer” to a cold posterior.

The circle had dragged on for longer than any circle should already, and with the sun setting and the hashers growing weary of the silliness, GM “Miss Mary Poppins” called the run to an end. With tired legs, hearts full of joy, and bellies full of beer and curry, the happy hashers hopped on to the asthmatic bus and entrusted “Piston Broke” to get us home safely to BBQ Un In.

And that’s how the hash was hashed!

Addendum: ever wonder what we do with the dues you pay at the start of the hash? It covers the cost of the beer, food, and bus, and every single penny of profit goes straight to a local orphanage. We’ve had quite a few weeks where we’ve been unable to hash, and therefore, unable to raise funds for the orphanage. Several generous hashers, including “Screwgineer” and “Crutchless”, made contributions out of their own pockets to give to the orphanage. Thank you, gentlemen, for your warm hearts and open arms, and for embodying the most significant ideal within the hash philosophy: community.

ON-ON!

“Saxostoned”

Run No 400

T’was a fair day. Not any more or less fair than any other day, but a fair day nonetheless. And as we all know, on fair days, we hash.

The hash was off to an auspicious start at BBQ Un In, home of the Nha Trang Hash House Harriers, as a pack of 37 plus “Annoying Little Boy” joined the hashers on their weekly jaunt. GM and Hare “Miss Mary Poppins” sat at his throne, chain-smoking cigarettes and collecting fees from the eager crowd, assuring everyone he and fellow hare “Krusty Stains” had planned an enjoyable, if formidable, run.

At 3 PM on the nose, the hashers got on the asthmatic bus, bags of ice and coolers full of beer already underneath courtesy of our new Beer Bitches “Birdshit” and “Fat Bastard”. With a final head count finished, the bus slowly began to trundle north, before veering slightly west out into the Dien Dien rice fields in the countryside of Nha Trang.

“Wait a second,” thought I, as the bus trekked familiar lanes.

“I recognize these fields, these flowers, these scenic mountains,” thought I, as we pulled up to our point of disembarking.

Sure enough, we were in the exact same place where the stunning “Crimea River”, quick-witted “Birdshit”, and the burly, masculine, handsome, and extremely humble scribe “Saxostoned” hared their first run. I suppose we won’t be awarding the hares any points for creativity this week.

Hares “Miss Mary Poppins” and “Krusty Stains” gave the pre-run instructions to our lone virgin, assured everyone that their run was definitely way better than the last run we did there, and set us off on a perilous, trap-laden, trail riddled with check-backs, mosquitoes, and very itchy grass.

The back of the pack, consisting of “Saxostoned”, “Rent Boy”, new Hash Flash “Chick Magnet”, “Honey Trap”, and a whole gaggle of giggling, selfie-taking young ladies, got tragically lost during the first half, scarcely able to follow the hares’ feeble attempts at marking a cohesive trail. Part of the pack got SO LOST, in fact, that hare “Miss Mary Poppins” had to come back and look for them to lead them to the drinks stop.

“Miss Mary Poppins”, being the ineffable fuckwit he is, managed to lose his own fucking trail while trying to lead the parched and grumpy hashers to the promised libations. He led the bedraggled hashers up a massive fucking hill, only to say “oops, wrong way”, and made us slip and slide down the steep slopes. “Just Su Pon”, overwhelmed by “Miss Mary Poppins”’s stupidity, slipped and hurt her leg badly enough to warrant being carried back on a motorcycle and spent the rest of the hash in agony, waiting for the bus to take her home.

Once the entirety of the pack made it safely back to the bus, the hashers chowed down on some of “Screwgineer”’s famous chicken curry, a delicious and satisfying way to celebrate finding the end of the convoluted mess of a trail we’d just put behind us. Then it was time to circle up, and the hares were promptly and justifiably plopped on the ice. “Pickle Dick” gave the run a horrendous report, with a paltry score of -400, and even that was being a bit fucking generous. While I’m sure “Krusty Stains” intended to plan a fine hash indeed, you can’t partner with a shithead like “Miss Mary Poppins” and expect a positive result. At least there was plenty of ice cold San Miguel beer.

Then, the new Religious Advisor “Constant Disappointment” began his first round of charges in his freshly found position. Being new to the job, and the job being open to new ideas, he brought out a length of gray PVC pipe and proceeded to spout to his congregation that this would be a new tool used for Stupid Drinks (trademark pending). Henceforth, should a hasher be found guilty of stupidity while on the hash, they must take their turn on the ice and drink their drink with their arm immobilized by the length of pipe. Knowing hashers, I suspect this will be used often.

The sweaty, glistening bastard of an RA then called upon “Saxostoned” to demonstrate his new gadget, under the pretense that he had been the biggest dick that week. As we all know, “Saxostoned” is a gentleman and simply would never. However, he graciously stowed his camera and showed the crowd how it's done. Much to “Constant Disappointment”'s disappointment, “Saxostoned” was actually quite successful and managed to get only half the cup of beer on his shirt.

Then we were off to the charges, and RA “Constant Disappointment” immediately put “Canny Hump” and “Just Mai” on the ice for the heinous charge of sex on the hash. These two had been accused of the same crime at the previous hash, but with “Just Mai” being a virgin at the time, could not be iced. Then they went and fucking did it again! So “Canny Hump” was given a Stupid Drink because he should have learned from last time and was made to wear a rather suggestive hat.

After “Canny Hump” had finished pouring his Stupid Drink all over himself, the duo absconded from the ice only to immediately HAVE SEX ON THE HASH AGAIN!

They were, of course, put on the ice again immediately. This time, “Just Mai” was given a Stupid Drink and a fancy new hat, because honestly, she literally just learned that lesson. “Just Mai” poured the drink over “Canny Hump”'s glistening noggin, and they were released.

“Crutchless” thanked everyone for their help finding his hearing aids on the last hash, during which he spectacularly fell and ate shit, complaining that they only found one. The other, it turns out, had been in his hat the entire time. He was promptly iced for falling on the last hash, but for some reason was spared a Stupid Drink.

That wrapped up the charges and as it was getting late due to the length of the run, the hash piled onto the asthmatic bus and began the long road home, accompanied by songs from new Choirmaster “Ass Tulip”.

And that's how the hash was hashed!

ON-ON!

Saxostoner

Run No 399 – Out with the old run – 17 January 2021

Hares: “Constant Disappointment” & “Just Tom”

Pack 37 plus an unnamed small squidly and a four-legged friend.

The last run in the 300”s and the last before the AGPU (Annual General Piss Up) to elect a new mismanagement committee next Wednesday at 6.30pm at the BBQ Un In – Home of the Nha Trang Hash. – So put that in your diary and see you there if you are a Nha Trang Hasher with a hash name…. or if you are a recent or scheduled hare.

So first up today, upon arriving early at the BBQ Un In, it was discovered that our GM had gone out and purchased a new trolley to transport the exkies and extra beers the 200m to the new park stop of the asthmatic bus…… and therefore highlighted some new hash positions to be created to undertake that very function.

This week however, as the subs were collected and we did some more sales of our ridiculous pink unicorn shirt, a couple of beefy hashers (“Ass Tulip, Saxastoner and Broken Waters”) tested out the merits of the trolley and reported back that it was a winner.

So at 3.05pm we were off in the Asthmatic Bus to the northside fishing village where the hares had set the run, however, as usual and despite being 18 days off the drink,” Constant Disappointment” needed 3 stops by our driver “Piston Broke” before he could locate the start of his trail.

As we piled off the bus, “Miss Mary Poppins” called the round up and introduced the 4 virgins, before handing over to the hares to describe the route….. and as ever “Constant Disappointments” description bore no semblance of the truth (11.24 km walk and no drink stop, indeed?????)

The truth was that we embarked on a very good run which covered bushland, river walks, a couple of fairly easy river crossings and a stroll through the fishing village before hauling ass back to the asthmatic bus, which had not moved, The total first part of the run was approximately 3.5km and not the stated 11.24 km or the 6km the hares actually believed it to be…….which I guess partly explains part 2 of the run – but we will get to that.

So as we sipped our cleansing San Miguel beers in a pleasant, but not exotic setting, “Saddle Sniffer” produced a birthday cake to celebrate his 75th birthday (I think he had the numbers around the wrong way on the cake) which was hugely popular, particularly with “Nipple Licker” who stole all the chocolate money

And then to part 2 of the run.

A hasher later remarked that as the group set off, he had just popped a cleansing San Miguel beer, so was going to finish and then catch up …… however the pack arrived back before he set off.
“Constant Disappointment” explained that he thought the group would be tired after the very long first run ……hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Yes it was very short, but we at least got to disturb some poor bride and grooms wedding photos, who probably wondered what the paper was lying on the ground when they set up their photo shoot.

Nonmatter – cause it was back for more cleansing San Miguel ales and some watermelon followed by a “Screwgineer” spicy beef curry, although the lad himself was not on this run.

The GM Called up the circle and after taking detailed notes about what made the virgins come, he pulled in the hares from this run and also the hares from last weeks run as the run-in with the local want-to-be militia prevented any circle up last Sunday.

“Indecent Exposure” was called to give this weeks run report, while “Cocksmasher” was called to simultaneously deliver last weeks run report and all whilst our 4 hares sat on the two bags of ice we had kept for this week’s circle-up. And so the reports went back and forward, back and forward, managing to drone on and on in a manner that even “Dick Formage” would have been proud of ……….and I suspect that is the longest anyone has been kept on the ice, certainly in my 4 years of hashing (Well done chaps)

The circle was then handed over to the ridiculously handsome Religious Advisor, carrying out his final swansong in the role before next weeks elections for a new R.A. First up charge was on “Saddle Sniffer” for cutting up and distributing birthday cake on the beer esky, thus preventing thirsty hashers from immediate hydration – a serious charge, to be sure.
It should be said at this point, that the temperatures were cooling down and many hashers had rugged up against the wind, so it was with that backdrop that the next matter arose – the naming of two previous hares.

As we had 2 bags of ice, the naming ceremony was carried out simultaneously.

Just Gam works in beauty therapy and on investigating the techniques of the profession such as liposuction, skin tightening, laser treatment and facials. the naming team considered many options but at the end of the day, by a poll of 5 – zero, one name stood out.

So welcome to the Hash:

“Suck my lips”

Just Seamus is retired and has spent the last few years traveling around Asia on a shoestring. When someone asked, “What is the difference between Seamus and a canoe?”, the overwhelming response was that “A Canoe sometimes tips”. While perhaps this is a bit harsh, he is certainly known to be careful where he spends his money - and there is a specific name for that.
In recent events, after the hash 3 weeks ago, and subsequent beers, Seamus took a great fall which resulted in damage, blood and no memory of it happening cause he was smashed.
As most are aware, Humpty Dumpty also took a great fall, but he was known to be round, where as Seamus has as much meat on him as a jockey’s whip.

So welcome to the Hash:

“Canny Hump”

As “Rent Boy” lead the chorus, some naughty hashers had emptied the beer out of one of the eskies and were sneaking up with the esky full of ice cold water - So on a darkening and cool night, “Canny Hump” was drenched (the chivalrous” Cockstopper” had just managed to pull his lady “Suck my lips” out of the impending drenching with mili-seconds to spare)

Next up on the R.A’s charge sheet was “Cockstopper” for interfering with a naming. When challenged, the R.A quoted rule 3.2, paragraph 1 of the hash code, so “Cockstopper” took his punishment on the ice.

“Saddle Sniffer” was then put on the ice for his birthday, and in a surprise, “Miss Mary Poppins” was also called up as someone discovered it was his birthday too (He was claiming 49, but has been claiming that for at least 10 years)

As we had already eaten “Saddle Sniffers” cake, it was extremely lucky that “Constant Disappointment” had some eggs and flour so we could bake some new cakes on their heads.

And I guess that was about it, bar a charge from the floor which saw “Canny Hump” back on the ice for “sex on the hash” with one of the virgins – who we did not ice, as she was not to know.

So with Rent Boy leading the Asthmatic Bus choir, and with a highly doctored version of Tom Jones’s Delilah ringing in our ears, the merry pack headed back to the BBQ Un In where eight of us stayed on for a couple of extra cleansing San Miguel’s.

Next week we will have a new Hash Scribe, as this one is getting a bit stale and repetitive so I will see you all at the AGPU on Wednesday and the new look committee will be published before next week’s run number 400.

ON ON

R.A.

Run 398 - The flour power run

Hares: "Just Chris" and "Just Ha"

Pack 22

The run started off well enough, even if the pack was a bit small at just 22 members, plus “Annoying Little Boy”, all meeting at BBQ Un In, the official home of the Nha Trang Hash.

As “Miss Mary Poppins” collected the fees from the eager hashers, poor sods “Major Cocksmasher” and “Saxostoned” were made to lug several very heavy eskies all the way down the street, since “Piston Broke” is no longer willing to park in front of BBQ Un In. I suppose it’s the price we pay for libations while hashing.

The meagre yet enthusiastic pack was ready and willing to set off on the hash. At 3 PM on the dot, the hashers boarded the bus, “Piston Broke” turned the key in the ignition and… nothing.

After some confused shouting and hurried translation, it turned out the bus would need a push-start. And thus, the burliest hashers among us jumped off and pushed the asthmatic bus into motion, and with that bit of encouragement it wheezed steadily into 1 st gear. We were off, after all.

It was a short but scenic drive up north before heading westward into the countryside. It wasn’t long until the asthmatic bus pulled into tiny alleys and side streets, surrounded by mountains, rice fields, and banana orchards. The bus crawled to a gurgling stop and the hashers were off and circled up in the blink of an eye.

Hare “Just Chris” gave us a brief run report, complete with an ominous warning that the run might prove
strenuous for the older folks among us, and advised that since there was no paper available, we’d be following little piles of flour instead. He’d have done well to advise any fat fucks of the hills involved as well, as I huffed and puffed my hefty ass along a trail clearly meant for much fitter people.

The first half of the run saw the hashers bushwhacking through banana plantations on a steep hillside,
and the trail was hard to find at best. At one point, the hashers were faced with a raging river the likes of which they’d not encountered before. “Saxostoned”, being a sprightly and nimble fellow, ably jumped across the roaring rapids, leaving “Rent Boy”, “Flexible Grunt”, and others to scramble across using bamboo and a large log. Some locals watched amusedly as the raggedy contingent struggled across the stream, and “Saxostoned” took plenty of photos of the debacle and laughed, rather than helping his fellow idiots.

However, the intrepid hashers were not to be deterred from their ice-cold San Miguel ales, and managed to find the drinks stop in due order. (This was easier than one might think, as the bus did not
move from the drop-off point.)
The second half of the run was similar to the first and saw the hashers traversing rice fields and small alleyways with dazzling views of the surrounding countryside, eventually leading back to the very same starting point. What a bunch of lazy hares, can’t be bothered to come up with a bit of variation in drink stops.

With the run concluded, the hashers tucked into the customary watermelon and chowed down on a fantastic vegetable curry with fresh baguettes. Since “Broken Waters” was not able to attend the run, there wasn’t even anyone to bitch about the tofu. What a sweet breath of relief.

Just as “Miss Mary Poppins” was getting ready to call the harriers and Harriette's to form a circle, some “friendly” neighbourhood locals showed up, masked and on motorcycles, and demanded to see our permit for being there. Being hashers, there was no permit, and some furious negotiations broke out between the locals and our loyal contingent of Vietnamese hashers, including “Piston Broke”, “Honey
Trap”, “Flexible Grunt”, and “Premium Call Girl”.
With their motorcycles parked squarely in front of the bus, they were sending conflicting signals. They wanted us to leave but… wouldn’t let us leave.

In the end, phone calls were made, action was threatened, and after a tense 45 minutes, the asthmatic bus choked itself awake and brought the (by now, tired, grumpy, and warm-beer-drinking) hashers back to BBQ Un In.

And that’s the way the hash was hashed.
Until next Sunday,

ON ON

“Saxostoned” (substitute for lazy bastard RA “Broken Waters”) 

Nha Trang Hash House Harriers

 added 69 new photos to the album Run No 397 – The Asthmatic Phoenix Run – 03 January 2021.Published by 

David Thomas

  · 2mmtSponus0 hohrdercsed  · 

Hares: “Rent Boy” & “Just Seamus”

Pack 27 plus a four-legged friend.

As I drove to hash today, it was a fantastic Phoenix moment to see the Blue Asthmatic Bus in motion, meandering at its usual snails’ pace along Xóm Cồn Street, adjacent to the Cai River, obviously on the way to the BBQ Un In, the home of the Nha Trang hash house harriers.

But wait, ………………apparently spooked by last week’s traffic cops, our hash driver has discovered that if he parks some 200m away he is perfectly legal and the police can’t touch him. All good, but it means that hashers now need to lug the 3 eskies with beer, soft drinks and ice , 2 cartons of beer (spares), 2 boxes of water and the S.S. table plus any food a fair way to load the bus – which I guess is doable unless it snows.

So anyhooo, off west set the eager pack to an area perhaps a couple of kilometres west of the Kilo Bar and to an interesting area where we have not hashed for some 6 months or more. After a quick intro by “Miss Mary Poppins”, “Rent Boy” was able to describe the run despite a bit of interference from “Nipple Licker” and so off we set away from the main highway where the bus had dropped us off.

We then proceeded up and down lanes and alleyways and encountered a number of circles and checkbacks, which is usually fine and a good way to re-bunch the pack, however….

1 “Rent Boy” was the “experienced” hare and he always fucks it up

2. He set the run the week before, which we had to cancel. On his run this week, he forgot where he was last week and ended up with crossing trails as last week’s chalk markers were still visible. To make matters worse, he could not remember as “It all looks the same from a bike”. This cumulated in a circle with 2 possible directions to travel, and both of them had checkbacks.

No matter

As ever the Nha Trang hash prevailed and after some 2.8km we found ourselves back on the main highway and back to the blue asthmatic bus for some cleansing San Miguel beer and a bitch about the hares.

Part 2 was much clearer and had some great photo opportunities and was a pretty enjoyable walk, if perhaps a little unchallenging. But to get out of the city and enjoy the country air while sipping on a couple of San Miguel coldies – how good is that?

At the round-up and after the customary watermelon and a great vegetable broth (the vegetable base caters for everyone, and the carnivorous hashers amongst us then add the meat and small eggs to your own individual bowl ….and turf the TOFU when nobody is looking), “Miss Mary Poppins” formed the circle.

With no virgins this week, it was left to “Saxastoned” to deliver the scathing run report and resultant score which was south of minus 400.

The R.A. then (After blowing his own trumpet about the weather as usual) called on a dual charging and naming of our ever resilient bus driver.

The charge – Breaking the bus (Again) resulting in no bus for last weeks hash.

The naming …..Well we thought long and hardon this one, but the mismanagement committee decided that one name had most merit

So welcome to the hash:

“Piston Broke”

The floor was then opened for charges, with “Sex on the Hash” seeming to be the most prevalent charge.

This matched “Premium Call Girl” with “Out and Proud”, “Just Diem” with “Major Pain in the Ass” and “Krusty Staines” with “Nipple Licker”, however we only got the former partner on the ice in each case, with the later 3 back hiding under the back seat of the asthmatic bus to keep their bums dry.

And so ended hash run 397, and ON ON till next week.

R.A.

Nha Trang Hash House Harriers

 added 61 new photos to the album Run No 396 – The Saigon Saboteurs Run – December 27, 2020.Published by David Thomas

Hares: “Rent Boy” & “Just Seamus”

Replacement Hares “Knob Polisher” and “Broken Waters”

Pack 42 plus a four-legged friend.

Good sized pack, some lovely weather and bus, beer, and Ice all on time – what could possibly go wrong?

Well first up, the asthmatic bus got booked for parking outside the BBQ Un In by 2 passing road cops and the fine was promptly paid and receipted in the parking fines book

However, after that one small setback, we set off from the BBQ Un UIn in good spirits and in the high hope that “Just Seamus” was going to prove to be an inspired Hare, cause everyone knows that “Rent Boy” always fucks something up.

But alas, we didn’t get the chance to find out as the Asthmatic Bus finally coughed and spluttered its guts out and died just before reaching the Panorama on Nguyen Thi Minh Khai Street and suffered the additional ignominy of being pushed out of the middle of the road by some hefty hashers (where it still lies this morning as I type this report)

Some hashers suggested the bus was killed by the ghost of Dingo past, as his last resting place in Nha Trang before fucking off to Australia was the Panorama, however, it soon became clear that we had a couple of visiting Saigon Hashers and so sabotage was considered. Once revealed that one of the Saigon Hashers was called “Broken Seal” the buses health became a fate accompli and no amount of rooting around the fuel lines by our long-suffering bus pilot was going to fix.

As the fateful 42 swanned around the dead bus, some heavy alternate action was developing whereby Miss Mary Poppins and Knob Polisher discussed some routes to get us to a suitable drink stop and “Broken Waters” ran off to find some chalk which “Fuckin Innocent” had guaranteed was outside a building site some 200m away along Hung Vuong Street. “Slime” should also get an industrious mention as he nipped across the road to a beer shop and got suitable supplies for himself and “Cockstopper”.

And so it came to pass that the alternative hares “Knob Polisher” and “Broken Waters” (Being quickest walkers) took off on an alternated city route while getting blistered fingers scoring arrows in the tarmac with white marble sticks (which was all that was at the previously visited building site). No matter, it kinda worked well till near the drinks stop when we managed to purchase some blackboard chalk, and nobody appeared to get lost …..Despite some dubious calls to the front runners, advising that they should return to the bus as it was all fixed (no call from GM to hares – therefore ignored….. and ON ON – a good call, as it turned out)

So off we traipsed, past Bong Crazy and up lanes and alleys, past the 69 bar and then along the back of the railway tracks to the crossing and back down to the drinks stop at the park opposite Nha Trang Railway Station.

Knowing that this was the final location, some hashers had cheated and took short cuts, some lazy hashers were in the taxi containing the drinks Ice and food (although it only needed MMP + 1) and “Premium Call Girl” went home to change her shoes to prettier ones……however, over 30 hashers still completed the set trail.

At the drinks stop, where some wonderful cleansing San Miguel beer was dished up to thirsty hashers, some of the hash mismanagement committee assembled to discuss upcoming “naming’s” and brainstorm some suitable hash handles with the solution to 3 developed (although only one used today).

After that, it was off again for our hares “Knob Polisher and “Broken Waters” assisted by returning hasher “Microbe” and his mate who had kept up with the hares for the whole day. And so it was, after a winding street trail and past the dam market, the hashers arrived back at the BBQ Un In, home of the Nha Trang Hash (or at least arrived on the footpath opposite)

After some beer, watermelon and a fantastic “Screwgineer” curry, the circle formed to pass the final act of the day – the roundup.

“Miss Mary Poppins” started proceedings and much to the angst of “Rent Boy and “Just Seamus” who had no part in the actual trail today, stuck them both on the ice. As visiting hasher “Broken Seal” delivered is scathing assessment of the run, their protests finally ensured that both “Knob Polisher” and “Rent Boy” were made to join them on the ice.

Following that, the GM then put “Screwgineer” and “Constant Disappointment” on the ice for doing absolutely nothing, but ride in a taxi all day.

Then it was the turn of the Religious Advisor who complemented himself over the weather and then proceeded to dish out charges like a 1980’s Plasma Globe.

First up was “Broken Seal” for breaking our bus, but was then joined by his Saigon Co-conspirator “In&Out” in what can only be described as a saboteurs cell. Next came “Premium Call Girl” and the case of the “home for new shoes” followed by “Just Seamus” for the false charge of accusing hashers of cheating and taking short-cuts. “Fuckin Innocent” joined him on the ice for not knowing that white marble and white plasterboard have different chalking potential - and no – they don’t even look the same.

We than has the naming of “Just Le nhi ha “ who had hared a previous run. As she is a medical professional and is employed as an anaesthetist, a fitting mane was found for “Just Le nhi ha”, so welcome to the hash:

“Sleep with me”

Returning hasher “Microbe” was iced for being a returning hasher before someone reminded the RA of the shocking scenes of Sex on the hash performed last week in the BBQ Un In by “Constant Disappointment” and “Fat Bastard” and both were immediately iced to cool their smouldering passions.

And with that, and no other charges from the floor, hash run No 396 came to a close.

Some went across for another beer in BBQ Un In, while some went to try and stay awake this week to watch Leeds United hammer Burnley 1 - 0

ON ON till next time, and have a very drunken Hogmanay followed by bad head New Year’s Day.

R.A.