Nha Trang Hash House Harriers added 116 new photos to the album Run No 378 – The Noah’s practice half run.
Published by David Thomas · 22 mins
Hares: “Pickle Dick” and “Mirror”
Pack 47 plus some short people
Well didn’t the Religious advisors fuck up?
I guess the dark and foreboding sky was a bit of a giveaway, but after a fantastic year of only once on the ice for inclement weather, the heavens opened up with a vengeance and dumped a deluge on the mostly unsuspecting hashers – although to be fair, the 2 religious advisor positions are both held by quick walkers so it was only the tail enders who really only got dumped on – well at least initially.
And yet it all began so well.
A large crowd turned out including 7 virgins and visitors at the BBQ Un In, home of the Nha Trang Hash. The asthmatic bus arrived on time and again delivered a large contingent from the in-town pick up point and we left only slightly after 3pm with a basically full bus.
After some back road manoeuvring by the asthmatic bus to counter bridge maintenance work, we arrived at the assembly point where the GM did the introduction, the identification of the virgins and then passed over to the hares to describe the route. It was noticed at this point, that a couple of faithless local hashers had popped into the shop across the road and purchased some throw-away plastic raincoats.
And then it was off and running - well walking actually, as this bunch of lazy bastards struggled to work up a sweat on the totally flat run. T
he scenery was nice however, and we traversed lots of small streets and Hems before emerging beside the river for a while before traipsing along some country tracks.
And all the while lay the dark foreboding sky.
And so it was, that at the drinks stop after only 3 km, the rain began.
And thereafter, all the early finishers of Part 1 of the route piled back on the asthmatic bus, cleansing ales in hand to await the rain to pass and to watch the wringing wet slow walkers eventually turn up at the drinks stop.
Unfortunately, the rain did not pass.
Rent Boy, complete in his one piece full length condom departed and returned to the bus fulfilling the role of drinks dispenser to the bunch of pussy hashers who didn’t want to get wet.
And same said pussy hashers were not really up for another 2.8km walk in the pissing rain so we took off in the asthmatic bus to find a drier location for round up and an impromptu second trail.
But that didn’t work out.
Parts of the mismanagement team reckoned the I Resort car park was the place to go, as it has a roof, however after a harrowing journey by the now semi amphibious asthmatic bus, it turns out the “roof” is patchy shadecloth offering up next to no protection.
After another round of discussions, the La Bella Crepe Nha Trang (6/2 Nguyễn Thiện Thuật )was offered up by its owners, and all was jolly until the bus driver pointed out that he was not allowed along the main street till after 6:30pm……….bugger – but thanks for the offer Taxi Girl.
Just then one of our Vietnamese hashers came back from a damp walk and suggested that the owners of a takeaway joint / breakfast restaurant may let them use their premises, and for a small consideration, this is exactly what transpired.
And none of the lazy bastards wanted a second walk in the rain anyway.
Therefore, “Pickle Dick” dished out the watermelon and some fantastic vegetable soup (so I am told) as the cold and hungry hashers devoured it at a fast pace - I guess I was just not quick enough, which is strange when food is around.
Luckily however, “Dick Formage” had brought an assortment of dips and bagels, courtesy of Red Gate Bakery Café (8 Hùng Vương, P, Thành phố ) which were fantastic and I was well in on the quickly disappearing food.
And then, over a few cleansing San Miguel ales, it was time for the round up.
Miss Mary Poppins introduced the virgins and determined what made them come.
Pickle Dick and Mirror as hares were iced with the run report split between “Broken Waters” for Part 1, “Rent Boy” for the drinks stop and “Miss Mary Poppins” for Part 2. As Part 1 and 2 were basically on the bus, the only purpose of this was to increase the time “Pickle Dick” and “Mirror” spent on the ice.
The Religious Advisor put the Assistant Religious Advisor on the ice as she hadn’t been last week and it didn’t rain, so therefor it must be her fault it rained this week. The weak and easily influenced mismanagement team, however buckled under mounting cat calls and the ridiculously handsome Religious Advisor was also iced.
Next up were charges, and “Rent Boy” was iced because last week on the way home, he threw beer out of the bus window at “Indecent Exposure”.
Now lets be clear – this is not a crime and anyone throwing anything at “Indecent Exposure” should be encouraged, however “Rent Boy” missed and got a Vietnamese bloke on a motorbike who promptly chased the asthmatic bus shouting insults while “Rent Boy” was heard to be shouting “Im Sorry, Im Sorry”
After that, “Broken Waters” was suckered into a charge under a hash rule (which doesn’t exist – but “BW” did not know this) which says you cant charge anyone for anything that happened the previous week.
Following this “Broken Waters” was again on the ice alongside “Fuckin Innocent” for apparently completing 50 hash runs and both were given a fantastic bag of rubbish that the GM has not been able to sell since Adam was a boy.
With 6.30pm fast approaching, the damp pack headed back to the asthmatic bus after first establishing the hares for the next 5 weeks
ON ON till next week
This weeks hump day drinks will be held at Bong Crazy who supported the hash team through the Pandemic and who will be putting on some free nibblies. See you there
Run no 377 – The commemorative fuck off Dingo and Dosage run
21 June 2020
Hares: “Crutchless” and “Lusty”
Pack 37 including a few short people and a tot.
Well – Im sorry, but some sights just can’t be unseen.
And so it was at 2.45pm at the BBQ Un In, the home of the Nha Trang hash.
I would love to describe a veritable bevy of beauty bestowing their presence upon Nha Trang’s premier barbecue eatery – but in reality, even the BBQ Un In staff were like “What the fuck????”
The bravery of some arriving by motorbike already outfitted in a red dress was awesome (and not in a good way) however, if I was a poor Vietnamese traffic cop seeing “Slime” driving along on his bike, I wouldn’t have dared stopping him.
At 3pm sharp and with all hashers suitably masked, the asthmatic bus took us northside while the GM carried out additional sales of our new Nha Trang “Hash Zombie Survival” shirt (See last 2 photos).
At the start round up, and after the usual introduction by the GM, Miss Mary Pippins, wearing a catching little red outfit advertising our San Miguel sponsor, the one virgin was welcomed before the hares took us through the day’s planned route.
“Crutchless”, wearing a striking dress resembling my granny’s old curtains, then took us through the details of the run he had set with “Lusty” and then it was off to terrorise (or traumatise) the local northside population.
The run took in many small streets, a bit of bush, a dam wall and a spillway irrigation channel before the front 3 runners arrived at the drinks stop close to the base of the Pagoda Road to tuck into some cleansing San Miguel beer.
Unfortunately however, through some delegation and miscommunication, this was not the intended drinks stop, so “Crutchless”(The rotten bastard) moved the drinks stop (Via motorbike) to the Pagoda entrance and the poor hashers had to ascend up a hill so steep that the asthmatic bus was incapable of climbing. Sure – the views up there were spectacular, but many of our hashers had difficulty appreciating the views for some minutes as they were finding it hard to breathe. ……. well at least that was what they were claiming until “Constant Disappointment” offered to give mouth to mouth whereby everybody, and I mean everybody was suddenly fully fit as a fiddle.
Meanwhile “Rent Boy”, who put forward the case to be called “Rent Bowie” with his new retro wig, was giving Alice an injection of air because she kept on going down on him. Now I personally have no objection to a rubber doll coming on the hash, however “Constant Disappointment” has lodged a complaint with the hash mismanagement committee as even Alice wouldn’t accept mouth to mouth from him.
And while all that shit was happening - the ice cold San Miguel beer was fantastic
What goes up, must come down however, so after a lengthy rest for some (it took quite a while to get all the stragglers up the hill) we headed off along a mainly street second half run but which finished up along the shorefront and back to the asthmatic bus.
After the watermelon we were dished up some fantastic beef and vegetable soup by Screwgineer, although some of the “ladies” described it as muscle soup as Screwgineer was shirtless for the whole day ….. bask in it while you can mate, cause in 20 years you will probably need a bra like the rest of us.
After the Virgin song, Broken Waters, wearing what can only be described as a colourful 3-man tent, delivered the results of the competition for the 3 best dressed females, with promised prize for the winner.
Dick Formage came third after an initial objection about his sexuality, however, when it was pointed out that Dick’s name is actually Michelle and has personal traits which includes lots of whinging, a constant prattle of conversation and no matter what the subject is, Dick’s opinion is ALWAYS right, the nomination was accepted.
Second place went to Honey Trap in her natty little outfit, and she could possibly have won but was docked too many demerit points for not actually going on the walk due to the 4 inch high heel boots she was wearing.
The outright winner, determined by judges “Broken Waters”, “Rent Boy” and “Screwgineer” was “South Pole” - because she had the shortest skirt.
The 3 best dressed male hashers of the day were determined by “Knob Polisher”, “Out and Proud” and “Honey Trap”, with the verdict delivered by “Knob Polisher”.
The Harriette’s selection was much more scientific and was actually based on dress sense.
“Rent Boy” in a red clinging dress which would look sexy on just about anyone else took out the honors with second place going to “Crutchless” and third to “Just Rudy” who appeared to have raided “Pussy Pounders” 12 year old sisters wardrobe for an outfit which can only be described as stomach churning.
And the wonderful prize for these 2 winners? – Rent Boy got to be “Dosage” for the rest of the day while “South Pole” got to be Dingo – and they both got to deliver the run report.
Following the scathing run report, and some questionable antics by “Dosage” who seemed to believe that Lusty needed to review what was under her skirt, returning hashers were put on the ice including “Microbe”, “Microdesiac” and “Deadly”. “South Pole” could have claimed she was “Dosage” and got out of being a returning hasher, but what the hell – her bum was wet already.
The circle was then opened for other charges and “Constant Disappointment” was in like a flash with a beer on his head and in his left hand - and as ever, it started to get a bit silly from there.
Calls for “Dosage” and “Dingo” to be put on the ice for being on the hash, AND for simultaneously being in quarantined in a Sydney Travelodge went unheeded, and so concluded Run 376, and it was back to the BBQ Un In where a smaller than usual team stopped for a couple of after run beers and a toast to “Dingo” and “Dosage” – We hope you get out of quarantine and back to beautiful Brisbane soon.
Please note that “Rent Boy” has picked the venue for the 3rd Hump day meet-up this Wednesday (24th June) and it will be held in Cheers Sports Bar at 6pm.
Cheers is another venue doing it tough with no tourists and no sport and it is also soon to be closed, with the owners moving to new premises, so come along and say goodbye to the place.
Until then – its ON ON
Nha Trang Hash House Harriers added 93 new photos to the album Run no 376 – The Religious pilgrimage run – A bridge too far?
Published by David Thomas · 1 hr
June 14, 2020
Hares: “Krusty Stains” and “Broken Waters”
Pack 37 including 2 short persons.
Setting off at 3pm sharp from the BBQ Un In, the home of the Nha Trang hash, and loaded with food, bevvi, hand sanitiser and all kitted out in face masks the intrepid adventurers set off on a pilgrimage.
With the Religious Advisor and Assistant Religious Advisor setting the run, it was always going to be around a church, pagoda or other structure of reverence, and so it was that Krusty Stains located a monastery which she believed we had not hashed around before.
She was right - It had not been hashed before because in olden days it used to take 2 weeks by camel to get there, and unfortunately our poor asthmatic bus is not that much faster to be honest (but it is quite cheap). However, given the distance we were obliged to give our faithful driver a bit extra for the journey – not for diesel, but for the extra engine and gear oil he burned up on the trip.
And so it was on this Sunday 14th of June, 80 years to the day when the Germans invaded Paris, the hashers invaded post corona countryside and even before the knackered asthmatic bus had settled on its wheel rims, “Fat Bastard” was already scoffing a stolen mango.
Despite the Religious Advisor telling all to not take the forbidden fruit, “Fat Bastard” was soon joined by others in a mango hunt and it is uncertain if this was the reason, or perhaps because Screwgineer was teasing a baby in a bassinet with the offer of cleansing San Miguel beer, but the official reason we needed to move the bus for the second part of the run was the locals did not want diseased foreigner’s fucking up their quiet rural life.
I expect we may get this reaction for a while, until the Corona pestilence finally dies down in the world, however, a word of warning to all the locals - wait till you see us next week in red dresses.
Anyhooo, back to the run. The first part produced some fantastic scenery and included many photo opportunities of bush-land, waterways and structures including the monastery, a rail bridge and a dam and outlet structure. And it seems many took the opportunity because on a run of under 5km, the quicker WALKERS were back at the drinks stop over 30 minutes before the stragglers started to show up.
The second part of the walk was much shorter (about 2km) and went through irrigation areas, wetlands with associated fauna and through mango fields, also known as “other opportunities area”
“Rent Boy” managed to shorten the run further by ignoring the markers and cutting across fields so he would not have to walk so far, yet still came out laden with forbidden fruits.
At the “New” round-up area and after the watermelon (Probably didn’t need it as many hashers were already full of mango), Screwgineer had prepared some fantastic pancakes which went down a treat, and in keeping with the religious theme of the run, the pancake basket never seemed to run out and everyone was full as a chook on pancakes – well everyone but “Rent Boy” cause he can’t eat seafood (Luckily he was full of mangos). Also luckily, the Religious Advisor is a fat fucker and managed to scoff about 14 pancakes to eventually empty the basket.
And so to the round up.
The virgins were addressed and then the 2 religious Advisors (hares) were suitably iced and remained on the ice for some time as Indecent Exposure described and scored the run in such a long-winded fashion of total irrelevance that “Dick Formage” was heard to utter “That’s my boy”.
“Chick Magnet” was put on the ice for not keeping his gob shut when he had no involvement in the circle other than chatting to his mates and then iced again as an honour of reaching 50 hash runs and presented with hash paraphernalia of such intrinsic value, that he suspected he might need a security guard to accompany him home with such a haul of shit we couldn’t sell.
On a bit of a sad note – and as a reminder to all, the hash is a bit of fun and if you want to participate in the fun, you need to stick to the fun rules. If you want to have private conversations with your friends or otherwise, or don’t want to participate, please take yourself some 40m away and don’t disturb the fun for everyone else. Yes it is sometimes hard to tone it down after a few beers, and “Chick Magnet” was guilty without the beers, and so took his ice punishment, however a guilty “Foot Job” did not, and so we unfortunately got exposed to a bit of a hissy fit.
Nomatter – it all happens on the hash and it stays on the hash – and we are all adults (well except for the 2 short people), so singed bridges can be repaired - so On On went the circle.
“Slime” was put on the ice because the last time he attended hash, Jesus was a teenager and “Slime’s” hash name back then was “Fresh”.
“Out and Proud” was stuck on the ice for her lack of faith in the Religious Advisor and bringing a plastic rain coat…….and the Religious Advisor was stuck on the ice for being a pussy and carrying the raincoat in his backpack for her.
Looking at the photos, “Indecent Exposure” dodged a bullet (a stint on the ice) because every photo he is in, he is hand in hand with his girlfriend and a clearer violation of “Sex on the hash” would be hard to find.
And so that about concluded Run No 376 as we packed up and boarded the asthmatic bus for the long journey home, although it was a tad quicker going home as the driver knew a better route (and in a final religious moment of the day, we got to hail “hallelujah” as we drove past the San Miguel Brewery).
It was a much later than usual arrival back at the BBQ Un in where 40% of the pack went in for another beer and some partook in a meal, although many others were still full of pancakes.
So until next weeks Red Dress Run ….ON ON hashers
Published by David Thomas · 49 mins ·
Hares: “Saddle Sniffer” with assistance from “Miss Mary Poppins”
Pack 46 including 3 short people, one tiny person and one Teddy
End of an Era?
And just like that, a couple of founding members of the Nha Trang Hash had their last trail – well at least until they come back again – So Fuck off Dingo and Dosage
The run started as ever, from the BBQ Un In, home of the Nha Trang hash and extra beer and additional ice was stored in anticipation of a lengthy round up and Fuck off session for Dingo and Dosage.
We had a few hashers who had not been for a while, who were obviously there just to make sure Dingo and Dosage were leaving, plus the return of “Pay me now” carrying an additional little bundle.
After a shaky start when “Miss Mary Poppins” couldn’t add up properly and returned the asthmatic bus back to the BBQ Un In (for no one), we headed west, west and west again. The mistaken return to base was, however, fortuitous for hasher “Attention Whore” who had turned up late with the excuse that he had just given his wife something for her birthday, though he failed to explain what.
The lengthy bus ride was scary for some, while others were actually laying bets on when “Fuckin Innocent” was going to drop the baby he kept juggling - this way and that.
Eventually, some 40 minutes later, the eager pack was deposited at the side of an industrial complex where the GM performed the pre-run talk and the hares gave the run description. The hares should have been Constant Disappointment and Dosage, but the former lived up to his name and went to watch the football at Nha Trang Stadium instead of going on hash, leaving Saddle Sniffer to save the day once again. As he was on his lonesome for the run description, the GM appointed Atomic Craic as stand in dosage for the day and deliver the description.
And then for something completely different
The GM took us to the front of the factory we were beside, and Hallelujah ……It was the San Miguel Brewery.
Well this revelation called for the pack to get down on one knee while the Religious Advisor delivered the beer prayer, beginning with “Our lager, though you be in tins”
The pack then set off under a dark foreboding sky, which played havoc with the lighting for the cameras and didn’t do much for the underwear of the Religious Advisor either, particularly when a couple of rain drops actually fell.
The run itself was fairly flat along country tracks with a couple of false trails, until the hare took us off into a field. Unfortunately he only took paper into half the field and the main pack kinda caught up with the lead team because everyone was spread about in the fields with not a bit of paper in sight.
When faced in this dilemma, I always do the same thing – follow the Ukrainians and Lithuanians cause they can smell beer from 14 km away.
And thus it came to pass that the lead team found its way out of the field, while managing to lose about 30 of the pack at the same time.
It would have been all plain sailing from there, if the hare (Saddle Sniffer) had a bit more knowledge.
First of all, the run was Fuck off Dingo and Dosage, not Duck off Dingo and Dosage. Secondly, ducks have legs and they can walk.
And so, when the trail took us to the water and a small weir in the middle of a duck farm, no trail could be found – because it was now under a couple of hundred ducks.
Luckily, Miss Mary Poppins had some prior knowledge of the area (as I think he once dated a duck), and so took the lead and before you knew it we were out the other side, past the water regulating structure (or hash pose place) and down to the bus.
It took so long for the lost pack to find the way back to the bus, that we were in danger of being in the dark, and so the run was cut short and we bussed to the final round up of the Great Great Dingo and Dosage Fuck off Run.
Screwgineer again came up with the goods for food (after the watermelon) and it was 2 wraps each to be washed down with cleansing San Miguel beer
After the virgins were introduced and the hares put on the ice, it was then an extended icing for Dingo and Dosage just to ensure that they fucked off with cold bums.
Three other founding members, Pickle Dick, Mirror and Andy Capp rambled on for ages recapping all of the pairs previous sins whilst every time either Dingo or Dosages name came up, the pack would scream “fuck off Dingo” or “Fuck of Dosage” and “down, down ,down” in a veiled attempt to get them pie eyed.
Meanwhile the GM attempted to get 3 separate groups into order to perform 3 separate hash songs which would increase in volume till a positive crescendo erupted as a fantastic farewell to Dingo and Dosage ….but unfortunately it came out like a wet fart – I guess trying to coordinate hashers in Vietnam is like trying to heard cats
And so that was the final hash for our own dynamic duo.
However, if you want so say farewell to Dingo and Dosage and thank`1
them for their years in hash, years in Nha Trang, years of work with Crazy Kim’s school and the fantastic support shown for good causes including the orphanage, we will all be telling them to Fuck Off again at the Kilo Bar and Distillery from 7pm Thursday night.(Bar will be open from 5pm)
If you want to say farewell to Dave and Mauzz – they will be there too.
Hope to see you there and ON ON.
Oh Yes .....And Fuck off Dingo and Dosage.
Published by David Thomas · 41 mins ·
31 May 2020
Hares: “Screwgineer” & “Just Ali”
Starting Pack 37 including two short people …. finishing pack – a different story
Now I am not saying the run was short, but already one of the proposed hash names for “Just Ali” is “Snow White” ……and yet, for the first time since I have been at the Nha Trang Hash, we still managed to lose some hashers with the asthmatic bus returning with 3 less souls than it started off with.
But Im getting ahead of myself.
So it started out just fine with a fair turn out at the BBW Un In, home of the Nha Trang Hash. The ice was ready, the beer was ready, the bus was on time and we made some good shirt, hat and bag sales.
Once again the GM had checked the legal status, and once again, as per statement in last run report WE MUST WEAR MASKS ON THE BUS – so why is it so damn difficult for some people to understand?
If it impedes your ability to talk on the bus, you should perhaps go to a coffee shop on Sunday afternoon.
So, just to be clear – Until the laws change, If you feel that they don’t apply to you, and you don’t want to wear a mask on the bus - please do not come to hash.
We requested that 1 person did not attend this week, and next week a different person will not be welcome (The one week ban can be increased if they return and still fail to comply with our legal requirements – PLEASE GUYS – we are doing it for your benefit and protection as well as our own and the asthmatic bus drivers protection)
And off we headed.
After the asthmatic bus deposited us somewhat south and then west across the river, we had the most interesting pre-run assembly.
The GM introduced the virgins and then the hares took us through what they thought the run was going to be like. Visiting Hashers “Attention Whore “ and “Trouble Penetration”, however, must have had some insight into the run so they lead us a warm up Chicken Dance, which was stupid, funny and something different – but landed them on the ice, and rightly landed “Rent Boy” on the ice too, for not participating in this ridiculous action.
The walk itself was along some interesting countryside and it had a couple of false trails which needed checking, but ultimately was a straight line…… how the fuck could anybody get lost on that?
So 400m after the start (I may be exaggerating slightly) we had a drinks stop beside an inland pond created by the river system and we were missing “Tosser”, his virgin girlfriend “Just Ming” and “Chang Budda”.
– Did they catch up – nope …….the dozy buggers got a taxi home and presumably went to the pub.
The drinks stop was uneventful with the exception of missing hashers, “Just Vicky” going for a swim in the inland pond (perhaps aware that she was being named today and was going to be wet later anyway) and “Dingo” who limped in as he claimed his ankle had let him down – as opposed to just his general decrepit condition of a hasher of that advanced age.
Unfortunately for “Dingo” there was no bus to give him a lift as “Screwgineer” had motorcycled the drinks in – conversely, and luckily for Dingo, the 2nd part of the run was only 200m (OK – exaggerating again …..but it was short)
The highlight of the run was the final round up area, which is one of my favourite spots to end a hash walk. It has scenery, water, views of the city and we were there with heaps of time to watch the sun go down.
After the watermelon and another fantastic culinary masterpiece by “screwgineer” in the form of a beef and vegetable curry – and some vegetarian shit for those who don’t eat meat (it might have been good, but I wasn’t going near it)
And then it was the circle up.
After the virgins were toasted (minus the missing one, of course) the hares for this diabolical run were iced and suitably blasted by “Ass Tulip” who added up a host of negative scores to come up with a truly minus minus run.
It was then the turn of the suave and debonair Religious Advisor to lead off on the charges.
Firstly, “Rent Boy” was put on the ice for not performing the ridiculous chicken dance, quickly followed by “Attention Whore” and “Trouble Penetration” for making us perform the ridiculous thing in the first place.
“Rent Boy” was again on the ice with “Dingo” for being a Zombie with Zombie like wounds and infecting “Dingo”, who will no doubt turn to a Zombie in the very near future.
“Dingo” then got to stay on the ice for “Sex on the Hash” with “Ass Tulip” though neither would care to articulate their exact relationship, while “Dosage” kept quoting “A lady never tells!”
“Dingo” copped the ice for the third time with “Dick Formage” as the pair, both previous holders of the position of Religious Advisor, were both eating and drinking at the Buddhist Offering Table which was on the edge of the circle.
Our 2 visiting hashers from South Africa were put on the Ice as a tribute to South African Elon Musk’s success on putting people in space….and the question was asked if it was possible to put all South Africans in space?
“Just Ali” is also South African, but as she was iced as a Hare we let her off a second icing as we only had 2 ice bags for social distancing – and frankly, we were running out of ice.(Im being genuine - not implying Ali has a large posterior)
And then we had the naming of “Just Vicky” who set the run last week.
Vicki is originally from the Ukraine, and although the Ukraine is known for its beautiful churches and as being the graphical center of Europe, it seems to be more known for the terrible disaster that occurred at Chernobyl. So based on the fact that she also is a keen pool player, the mismanagement committee considered names such as “Radioactive Balls” or “Radioactive pockets”
However, this did not take into account Vicki’s obvious humour or the fact that she lived in Ireland for 11 years, where humour is also known as “The Craic”.
So …welcome to the Hash:
We still had a bit of time left (Did I say the run was short?) so a couple of extra bits went on with “Attention Whore” doing a bit and “Dick Formage” waving his stick and his gums, but to be honest, I fell asleep around this time.
Please all hashers be aware, that if we have time, or if we are short on charges, you will be on the ice for heinous offences such as Not wearing Hash shirt and / or drinking beer in the wrong hand (Beer should always be drunk with the left hand)
And so ended the run, after Screwginer did the clean-up by passing on all our empty cans and bottles to a local for recycling (We always try to do this)
So its ON ON till next week and no doubt another dose of written garbage – however, I do think the photos are pretty good this week – and thanks for the contributors.
Note: I added in some extras to last weeks run too, courtesy of “Crutchless”.
24th May 2020
Hares: “Rent Boy” & “Just Vicki”
Pack 39 including one short person
Well it started off bad in the lead up when a relatively new hasher (Just Vicki) asked “Rent Boy” who picked her up on a borrowed motorbike, “is it safe with me on the back?”
“I haven’t fallen off any bike since 1970” replied “Rent Boy”
As the GM later pointed out, back in 1970, “Rent Boy” may not have been a Zombie – however to cut to the chase, “Rent Boy” drove to Bai Dai and promptly fell off the bike.
Luckily he was on his own and semi-parked when his trailing foot caught on the shredded paper bag he had hooked onto the bike and then proceeded to fall arse over tit and dropped the bike.
In a move only a Zombie could make, he somehow managed to grab onto the exhaust pipe and receive the infamous “Saigon Kiss”, though most who fall foul to that condition usually get their leg burnt.
Alas, in a further Hash fail – Just Vicki was not experienced enough to make sure she got a picture.
So onto the run
The eager pack of 39, including near 20 which were uploaded from the town central pick-up point set off from the BBQ Un In, home of the Nha Trang Hash.
The wearing of mask rules on the asthmatic bus still apply, and for the second time in a row, Miss Mary Poppins had to patrol to ensure compliance as some don’t listen to rules very well.
Yes its annoying to wear a mask, and yes it was a longish journey at 15km / hour which is the top speed for the asthmatic bus, but please note that next week we will have a large stick. - Come on guys - its not rocket science FFS.
The pre-trail round up was held alongside the man-made lake in the new developer driven building site about 500m inland of Long Beach and after a mask bollocking, the GM added in a surprise for the day that “Sandy Cum Lately” would be “Rent Boy” and vice versa - with mask indiscretion on the asthmatic bus being the obvious reasoning.
No big deal you would imagine, but the “New Rent Boy” was asked to describe the trail, a task quickly transferred to “Just Vicki”
And so, off and about we headed on a fairly flat circular trail around areas of future development with a couple of false trails and checkbacks which were largely negated by Screwgineer who was way out front on a mission from the Roadrunner, I suspect.
And then back to the set off point for the consumption of cleansing San Miguel ales, and to where hopefully the asthmatic bus had received enough of a breather so it could continue its laboured existence.
Part 2 of the run was more of the same same and then a sprint across the roundabout at the 4 way highway and down to the beach for a half click stroll along the sand to the concrete steps. It was then a further hike past a sea of local motorbikes to get to the bus.
Original "Rent Boy" had previously been berated for not advising that it was a run ending at the beach so that hashers could bring along their swimmers, however the tide was so far out, that we probably would have needed to mark a new trail to find the sea.
After the watermelon, we tucked into a bloody marvellous chicken curry, brewed up by Screwgineer - and he had also prepared enough to do extra servings, a task which I for one happily partook.
Vegetarians were catered for too ……but enough on that
Next week, he is promising a beef curry, so hopefully none of you turn up and I can get even fatter.
At the round up, the new “Rent Boy” and “Just Vicki” were iced as hares, much to the glee of the new “Sandy Cums Lately” whilst “Crutchless” delivered a berating of the run with appropriate negative score line. To add insult, the New Rent Boy got iced again for being dopey and falling of the bike and for being stupid and trying to pick it up again by the exhaust pipe.
The new Sandy Cums Lately was then iced for failing to wear a mask at all times on the bus, which was followed with the new “Rent Boy” again being iced along with “just Marie” for love on the hash and the picture evidence is in the photos as supplied as proof.
The last floor charge went to “Just Ali” for electing to get pissed and being unable to meet MMP to review next weeks run – not a crime in itself, but it is believed she was displaying Zombie-like tendencies and not getting out of bed till 2pm.
Finally, a hash charge was laid by “Ass Tulip” on “Constant Disappointment”. I am not sure what the charge was – whether lack of drink, too much drink or even if it was sour grapes because he baked a crap cake on “Ass Tulips” head last week – but nobody really cared because Constant Disappointment always deserves to be on the ice.
It was then clean up, masks on, hand sanitizer on and the slow limp back to BBQ Un In in the asthmatic bus.
Next week, “Just Ali” will be taking the lead in setting the Cleanup Run (if she can ever get out her bed) and as previously mentioned, Screwgineer will be preparing a scrumptious beef curry (and probably some vegetarian crap too)
Another highlight to look forward to will be the Hash naming of “Just Vicki”. Although Vicki is a very keen photographer, no mention of this hobby will be incorporated into her hash name as a penance for fucking up and not getting a photo of Rent Boy on his arse under the motorbike he dropped on himself.
That’s it for this week Hashers – ON ON and see you next week at 2.45pm at BBQ Un In
PS - Sorry about poor quality snaps. There are a bunch of others taken on a spot-on camera, but either my internet or my computer cant download the 1 gig (202 photos) to review - and after more than an hour...frustration got the better of me
Run No 372 The Sanitizzed Phoenix Run
17th May 2020
Hares: “Miss Mary Poppins” & “Saddle Sniffer”
Pack 46 including one short person, one very short person in addition to an infant and a kitten.
So, the first Hash since March 8th and the hares would later try and boost their score on the ice by claiming it was the best run we have had in 9 weeks. Did that save them? – like hell
The day started with a few of the mismanagement team coming a bit early to the BBQ On In, the home of the hash in Nha Trang, just in case we had all forgotten how to run a hash and to do a bit of prep work to cater for some of the social distancing rules still in place.
An entry station was set up, and as previously advised and extensively advertised, all hashers had to have a mask and be prepared to be hit with the hand sanitizer on arrival at BBQ On In.
Of course, someone always doesn’t like reading, or in this case 5, however “Screwgineer” saved THEIR day by popping up the pharmacy for 5 masks for 10,000 dong.
And so began the theme of the day, with hand sanitation and compulsory wearing of masks on the bus, where even the driver got nailed. Hand sanitation again at the drinks stop and round up, and no sitting on the drinks esky.
The GM, “Miss Mary Poppins” laid down the law at the start and was a scary sight in mask and crab hat patrolling up and down the bus daring anyone to offend (refer picture).
The asthmatic bus set off some 20 minutes late, after a late town pick-up which added 20 hashers to the crew already assembled at the BBQ On In, and proceeded (slowly) to the drop off point close to construction works on the north of north side.
An exceptionally large circle was formed (Social distancing) and the introduction of the virgins and visitors commenced followed by the route description by the hares.
The first part of the run was a bit uneventful for at least 600m. 3 runners took off and the rest of the pack followed and it was all going well until the check back on the false trail was missed and the pack picked up the paper some 30m further on, which was in fact the route back. After a pile of confusion and after meeting the runners on the way back down on the circular route, the main pack eventually got back on track – well at least for a while.
So after we walked the circle we took off on the straight which quickly morphed into a tangent, and I think went into other mathematical expressions, however it is really hard to tell as none of it was on paper
This was because, while one hare was phoning the other to find out which way to go “I didn’t set this bit cause I was only wearing Jandles”, it was slowly revealed that the other hare had laid out the paper trail the night before up a barren hill on a windy afternoon.
At this point I would like to mention and thank the Nha Trang Novotel for supplying us with wastepaper from their shredding machine – it’s just unfortunate that only the one hare got to see much of it.
However, finally back of track “Its that way!” we ascended the hill and negotiated large clumps of spiky, skin tearing bushes to come out on Pham Van Dong Road and the waiting asthmatic bus containing our cleansing San Miguel beer ……after another hand sanitizing hit of alcohol.
And onto part 2.
Perhaps wisely, small children, women with babies plus decrepit old hashers like English/Canadian “Hash Runner” proceeded to stroll along the Pham Van Dong Road, while a couple of tired hashers decided to stay on the bus. The rest of us went bloody cliff walking.
So we were treated to some lovely views over the bay and quite a few photo opportunities and it was all going well, apart from steep inclines and more prickly bushes until “Constant Disappointment” went down what was later discovered to be a false trail to a cliff edge and declared “fuck that – I’m scared of heights” and took off back to the Pham Van Dong Road.
So, is it any wonder, when following a later arrow on a boulder towards what looked like a cliff edge, a handsome young hasher saw some chalk signage which he mistook for a check-back and came back and flipped the boulder over? (I have marked the photo)
Unfortunately, this was a circular side trail that the hare intended the depleted pack to take, which allegedly would have brought the pack to see a nice blowhole where the cliff face met the sea.
We trudged the circular route back up the hill and then about a kilometre along the road to a sign on the tarmac which read BUS STOP …..but there was no bus.
It should be noted here, that on a Sunday, on the Pham Van Dong Road, a bunch of food stalls and a pile of plastic tables and chairs appear on nice days, transported up on the back of motorbikes. It then seems that every young Vietnamese bloke with a girlfriend needs to go up there to sit and chat, take in the views and sometimes watch the sunset.
Unfortunately this appears to contravene the distancing laws, the food laws or whatever other restrictions are still in place with the Corona Outbreak – and a squad of police, complete with pick up lorry started sweeping up the would be opportunistic restaurateurs while their customers piled 2 or 3 or 4 onto motorbikes took off, Im assuming as a show of support to the local police.
Meanwhile, we had gotten in touch with our asthmatic bus, and as soon as it arrived, it was a case of “Stuff the drinks and the round up” ..….and 46 hashers piled on the bus and took off – again as a show of support for the local constabulary.
And so it was that we took the asthmatic bus to a quiet little dead end lane (close the start point) where we had our cleansing San Miguel ales and held our run report and the name and shame of the circle of ice.
Meanwhile, after 9 weeks away, “Miss Mary Poppins” did a roaring trade in hash shirts while “Dosage” and “Dingo”, who are planning to leave Vietnam as soon as commercial flights to Australia commence, donated a pile of hash shirts amassed over many years hashing to some thankful local individuals (Their suitcases home can only hold so much apparently)
The hares were put on the ice and berated by “Dosage” for their woeful performance which gave them a score of minus 109.
The Religious Advisor, sporting a brand-new monks habit, designed and manufactured in extra-large size by “Krusty Stains” tried to bullshit his way out of things by announcing that he had kept everyone in hash safe from the Corona Virus. This claim was shot down by the GM who then demanded that both the Religious Advisor (B.W) and Assistant Religious Advisor (K.S) be iced for being at the helm during the outbreak. He further offered evidence with the claim that not everyone remained safe and that “Rent Boy” was now a Zombie.
Staying out till all hours until sneaking somewhere to sleep when the sun comes up, seeking out young flesh, creeping about slowly devouring copious amounts of liquid while being allergic to fish certainly proves that Rent Boy is a Zombie, however the Religious Advisor suggested he was like that before the virus struck.
Nomatter – on the ice.
By this time, we were running very late so no more charges were accepted with only the birthday of “Ass Tulip” to be celebrated.
“Constant Disappointment” provided the information, the will, and the ingredients to bake Ass Tulip a birthday cake. And so it was that a somewhat reluctant Ass Tulip was sat on the ice and had a mixture of egg, sugar and flour built upon his head, although the Religious Advisor put his foot down when someone wanted to add candles.
After Ass Tulip shared some of his cake with Constant Disappointment and after they both got cleaned up a bit and we all had been hand sanitized and re-masked, it was back on the asthmatic bus for the trip back to BBQ On In.
ON ON till next week at the same time and a new route, which next week will be hared by “Rent Boy” and Just Vicki – Who will receive her Hash name following the run
The International Women's Day Run
8 March 2020
Hares: Ass Tulip and Constant Disappointment
With 8 arriving from the town pick-up and bolstered by a group of 9 Crazy Estonians, a large pack of 45 turned up at The BBQ Un In, the home of the Nha Trang Hash for The International Woman’s Day Run.
We would have made 46, however after a hectic registration, our GM Miss Mary Poppins took off to treat his special lady after treating all the ladies on the hash to a free run - so once again it was left to the ridiculously handsome Broken Waters to round up the hashers, which is a bit akin to herding cats.
So onto the asthmatic bus and off north we headed...... to the fishing village to celebrate International Women’s Day with a trail of fishy smells, confusing and downright evil instructions and not 1, but 2 encounters of dicing with death on the main north south highway.
The instructions? ……Well Constant Disappointment lived up to his name and gave the hashers their instructions that the walk was 11km and there was no drinks stop, and immediately issued an On On ….thataway.
Not only did this confuse and worry many, including some 7 virgins, but as the pack took off, the 9 crazy Estonians thought “Fuck that” and headed straight to the nearest beer shop to top up and sit back on the bus.
It was left to the harried RA to run back and convince them that our hare was full of shit and that the run would only be 3 or 4 km with some free cleansing San Miguel ales to look forward to at completion.
And so it was that the whole pack took off along the fishing village foreshore and then off cross country including the aforementioned 2 highway crossings. As runs went, it was predominantly flat but had a good variety of terrain, as the photographs attest to, and was praised by one of the elder statesmen of hash as never having been over this ground before.
This did not however save the hares from a roasting at runs end and a large accumulation of negative scores, itemised and delivered by Dingo - and added up by Just Lisa as everyone knows that Dingo cant count.
A variety of charges were laid, including Fat Bastard for not wearing a hash shirt, Indecent Exposure for finally, finally making someone come, one crazy Estonian for making many others come, a couple for sex on the hash victims and finally Dick Formage for pretending to have a charge, when really all he wanted to do was make another long winded speech.
With all the cleansing San Miguel consumed (I did say we had 9 Crazy Estonians, didn’t I?) it was then back to the asthmatic bus for the trip over the hill and back to BBQ Un In where over 20 of the hashers kicked on for food and beer.
Next weeks hares are Rent Boy and Just Sarah with Ass Tulip “Volunteering” to do the food.
The Week after will be Dick Formage and Just Lisa
Hares: Saddle Sniffer
Well that was different
A brand new home for the hash, a hastily arranged run after a 3 week Coronas Virus break and no GM, Grand Mattresses and a host of others as so many businesses have at least temporarily downsized or closed till this virus thingy is sorted out and tourists return to Nha Trang….. And still we had 34 eager runners.
The mismanagement group left to organize the run held the bus up 12 minutes for expected late arrivals (who didn’t arrive cause their Grab Cab got lost) however in a positive for that situation, Saddle Sniffer noticed that the food had not been loaded, so that was quickly rectified.
In other initial positives, the center of town pick-up by the asthmatic bus worked well and brought 13 hashers along for the run and everyone seemed to like the extra space that The BBQ Un In could provide including heaps of bike parks for those of us arriving by that method. And as ever, the Vietnamese phone system works well, and the asthmatic bus made a one second impromptu stop to pick up “Really Ate Her” on the north of northside to bring the pack up to 35.
And so to the run
“Saddle Sniffer” took us off north and then swung us west towards the river. The pre-run round up was assembled by the ridiculously hansom “Broken Waters” and the 3 virgins were introduced followed by the run instructions by our solitary hare, the aforementioned “Saddle Sniffer”.
It all went wrong from there.
As “Saddle Sniffer” described the run and how easy it was to follow, he also added that he had run out of paper, so it was really lucky that the trail was so easy to follow as he had to travel with the bus to the drinks stop.
So of course – everybody got lost.
“Dingo” and “Ass Tulip”, who apparently had walked the run with “Saddle Sniffer” 3 weeks prior were also more clueless than usual, but to be fair, Ass Tulip eventually found a way to get back on track after the pack spent 10 minutes playing Ring-A-Ring of Roses (Bit like Greek dancing without any smashing plates)
All seemed to be going well after that, along laneways and then into bush – until we came to a paddock where the farmer seemed to want to keep his cows from wandering and so had blocked off the trail with a thorn bush fence. Suddenly, like a magician with a rabbit in a hat, the obviously pre-warned and pre-equipped “Ass Tulip” produced a pair of secateurs and rubber gardening gloves………but unfortunately neither proved to be of much value and it was left to brute force and lots of scratching and loss of blood to clear the hash trail with promises of much ice and abuse for the missing hare at run end.
But after that – it was all plain sailing and an actual enjoyable run with a walk through a couple of restaurants (Chicken Island) and a little bit of rock climbing alongside the river and then along a dirt road that had been reformed that morning (therefore no trail markings obviously) – to the drinks stop and some cleansing San Miguel ales.
The second part of the run was up and around a small mountain with a false trail chucked in around a derelict building and an unintended false trail at the end when “Saddle Sniffer” again had been economical in the use of markers. Unfortunately not all hashers managed the second part as the out of condition “Hash Runner” and returning hasher “Slime” thought the tiny bit of rock climbing on part 1 had taken too much out of their bodies …..and someone needed to guard the beer.
And so to the run round up back at the asthmatic bus after devouring the strangely coloured watermelon supplied by the missing GM and some of the vegetarian meals supplied by “Saddle Sniffer” (strangely, we had 5 whole meals left over).
After discovering what made the 3 virgins come, the solitary hare, “Saddle Sniffer” was placed on the ice for educational enlightenment. The RA decreed that the run report should be delivered in 2 half’s by 2 different hashers. “Rent Boy” delivered the first half report, and because nobody has a clue what the old Irish git was saying, he had to repeat many times. Fucking Innocent delivered the second half report, as he can always take a 1-minute story and stretch it out to 10 minutes … and thus, the RA’s plan to have “Saddle Sniffer” on ice for a lengthy time came to fruition. Not surprisingly, both run reporters gave a score of – 69, taking the official run score to -138. Visiting hasher “No Cuntrol” delivered the song for “Saddle Sniffer” as nobody else knew one dirty enough to aim at him.
As it was getting darkish, we hurried through the various charges, and “Hash Runner” was ices for not wearing his jesters hat (A promise he had previously made to the mismanagement committee to register his opinion of the hastily put together run)….and Constant Disappointment had another charge lined up for him, but we did not have any WD40 with us, so we thought one visit to the ice was enough for him.
“Just Lisa” was put on the ice for conning “Broken Waters” into believing she was Vietnamese, and “Broken Waters”put himself on the ice for believing her (She is Chinese Canadian I believe).
In a strange turn of events, 2 virgins were iced …..its not our fault they did not know about the “No sex on the hash” rule
“Rent Boy” laid one scurrilous charge on “Broken Waters”, but nobody really knew what it was about and we are starting a collection next week to try and get Rent Boy into English classes.
And so back on the asthmatic bus and back to the BBQ Un In, the home of the Nha Trang Hash. Although 6 or 7 hashers got the bus back to central, the rest came into the bar/restaurant where 17 or so hashers kicked on with cheap beer and some ribs for a couple of hours – but please hashers – when you use your 10% off cards, remember and get them back from the staff – they are not one-time use and you can use them any day or time in the week.
So until next week – 2:45pm at BBQ Un In ….its ON ON
Published by David Thomas · 3 February ·
02 February 2020
Hares: One Nut and Phantom Piggy
A nice pack of 34 turned up at Crazy Kim’s – home of the Nha Trang Hash, however we should have had more – but some pussies wanted to stay home and watch the Melbourne tennis final – or in Fucking Innocents case it was the cricket to blame.
However, on to the positives - We had a couple of virgins, a couple of returnees and a couple of visiting hashers. The Asthmatic bus turned up on time, the Religious Advisor promised beautiful weather and we were told that all the beer was already in place.
So after Miss Mary Poppins's panic attack cause there were only 31 hashers on the bus (Phantom Piggy had taken off home to cook the hash food) we all headed north east where the bus deposited us on the banks of the rickety bridge.
And sure enough, across the rickety bridge we went...... and along lanes and pathways with a couple of check backs and all was going well until we arrived at the railway tracks with no arrows or paper going anywhere.
The wrong tracks?
Apparently not - as this was One Nuts sneaky plan to group us together, but the front runners / walkers needed to wait for 5 minutes till the out of shape One Nut caught up to the front (It should be noted that One Nut argues that he is not out of shape, as round is in fact a shape)
So after assembling, off the little party strolled along the railway line for a couple of hundred meters till we came to a small tunnel, where we needed to assemble again and go through as a group.
Much to One Nut’s annoyance, several of the hashers wanted to test the echoes in the tunnel, including Ass Tulip who is getting pretty good at blowing the Hash Bugle. We were to later witness why we should have been keeping quiet as we emerged at the other end to a very pissed off looking railway official who was housed at the other end of the tunnel.
What should have mattered is the train timetable, and more through good fortune than good planning, we had exited the tunnel and were 50m past on the railway bridge over the Cai River when the train thundered up the track.
The noise from the train was pretty loud so it thankfully drowned out Dingo who was whistling the Colonel Bogey March ......It is the River Cai here in Nha Trang Dingo.
And so it was, after that narrow escape, we found ourselves at One Nut and Phantom Piggy’s house for a couple of cleansing San Miguel beers before setting off on route 2 for the afternoon.
Route 2 was more of same same with One Nut popping up now and again on his motorbike to point the way when he has been a bit slack in putting up chalk arrows.
Once again the run finished up by crossing the railway tracks and returning to our hares’ abode and more cleansing San Miguel beer.
After the customary watermelon, we tucked into some wonderful chicken soup, prawn “spring” rolls and assorted meats and fillers all cooked and prepared by the industrious Phantom Piggy. She had even prepared a separate menu for the vegetarian hashers (Used to be called village idiots those who could neither hunt, cook, fish or light fires– but everyone is welcome on the hash)
Following the “hares on the Ice” and the customary derogatory run report delivered by visiting hasher “Constant Disappointment” the various charges were laid.
Visiting Hasher “Constant Disappointment “was put on the ice for coming to Nha Trang from China and was issued a special anti-Coronavirus mask which looked remarkably similar to something owned previously by Microdesiac.
He and a fellow English hasher were also put on the ice due to Bretex, a fate which was dodged by the 2 Scottish hashers cause the Scots are way too cool for that shit.
It seems there was so much sex on this weeks hash that we had a veritable orgy on the ice for hashers inappropriately touching or other such misdemeanours and Fat Bastard was kept busy filling up the bowls we were using for beer as no bugger brought any plastic cups again. As the Brew Master “Hash Runner” was one of the pussies watching the tennis we couldn’t ice him for this omission, however I am sure someone will remember next week.
Another stand in “Dingo” took on the role of Choirmaster as Rent Boy is off being naughty in Bang Cock and his back-up Fucking Innocent, as advised above, was home asleep on his cucumber sandwiches.
“Constant Disappointment” found his arse on the ice again as he lived up to his name and failed in his attempt to show his fellow hashers how to throw an empty can 1.2 meters into a waste basket.
And thus we came to our naming for this week.
Just Nadina was involved in setting up a run a couple of weeks ago and is originally from deepest darkest Russia. Many names were banded about and I am not sure why so many of the young lads favored “Cougar”. The name of “Cold Bitch” was discounted however because nobody wanted to be reminded of their wives or ex-wives and so it was universally accepted that from now on:
Welcome to the hash “She Wolf”
And so it ended for another week, and as I and the other hashers walked the 12 km from One Nut and Phantom Piggy’s house back to the main road to get the asthmatic bus back to Crazy Kim’s, I remembered that I had forgotten to thank them both for their hospitality and friendship and forgot to wish them a save journey back to the arse end of nowhere (Ceduna, South Australia).
So Thanks Phantom Piggy and One Nut and we hope to see you both back to Nha Trang very soon.
And until next week at 2:45pm at Crazy Kim’s – ON ON