added 69 new photos to the album Run No 397 – The Asthmatic Phoenix Run – 03 January 2021.Published by
· 2mmtSponus0 hohrdercsed ·
Hares: “Rent Boy” & “Just Seamus”
Pack 27 plus a four-legged friend.
As I drove to hash today, it was a fantastic Phoenix moment to see the Blue Asthmatic Bus in motion, meandering at its usual snails’ pace along Xóm Cồn Street, adjacent to the Cai River, obviously on the way to the BBQ Un In, the home of the Nha Trang hash house harriers.
But wait, ………………apparently spooked by last week’s traffic cops, our hash driver has discovered that if he parks some 200m away he is perfectly legal and the police can’t touch him. All good, but it means that hashers now need to lug the 3 eskies with beer, soft drinks and ice , 2 cartons of beer (spares), 2 boxes of water and the S.S. table plus any food a fair way to load the bus – which I guess is doable unless it snows.
So anyhooo, off west set the eager pack to an area perhaps a couple of kilometres west of the Kilo Bar and to an interesting area where we have not hashed for some 6 months or more. After a quick intro by “Miss Mary Poppins”, “Rent Boy” was able to describe the run despite a bit of interference from “Nipple Licker” and so off we set away from the main highway where the bus had dropped us off.
We then proceeded up and down lanes and alleyways and encountered a number of circles and checkbacks, which is usually fine and a good way to re-bunch the pack, however….
1 “Rent Boy” was the “experienced” hare and he always fucks it up
2. He set the run the week before, which we had to cancel. On his run this week, he forgot where he was last week and ended up with crossing trails as last week’s chalk markers were still visible. To make matters worse, he could not remember as “It all looks the same from a bike”. This cumulated in a circle with 2 possible directions to travel, and both of them had checkbacks.
As ever the Nha Trang hash prevailed and after some 2.8km we found ourselves back on the main highway and back to the blue asthmatic bus for some cleansing San Miguel beer and a bitch about the hares.
Part 2 was much clearer and had some great photo opportunities and was a pretty enjoyable walk, if perhaps a little unchallenging. But to get out of the city and enjoy the country air while sipping on a couple of San Miguel coldies – how good is that?
At the round-up and after the customary watermelon and a great vegetable broth (the vegetable base caters for everyone, and the carnivorous hashers amongst us then add the meat and small eggs to your own individual bowl ….and turf the TOFU when nobody is looking), “Miss Mary Poppins” formed the circle.
With no virgins this week, it was left to “Saxastoned” to deliver the scathing run report and resultant score which was south of minus 400.
The R.A. then (After blowing his own trumpet about the weather as usual) called on a dual charging and naming of our ever resilient bus driver.
The charge – Breaking the bus (Again) resulting in no bus for last weeks hash.
The naming …..Well we thought long and hardon this one, but the mismanagement committee decided that one name had most merit
So welcome to the hash:
The floor was then opened for charges, with “Sex on the Hash” seeming to be the most prevalent charge.
This matched “Premium Call Girl” with “Out and Proud”, “Just Diem” with “Major Pain in the Ass” and “Krusty Staines” with “Nipple Licker”, however we only got the former partner on the ice in each case, with the later 3 back hiding under the back seat of the asthmatic bus to keep their bums dry.
And so ended hash run 397, and ON ON till next week.
added 61 new photos to the album Run No 396 – The Saigon Saboteurs Run – December 27, 2020.Published by David Thomas
Replacement Hares “Knob Polisher” and “Broken Waters”
Pack 42 plus a four-legged friend.
Good sized pack, some lovely weather and bus, beer, and Ice all on time – what could possibly go wrong?
Well first up, the asthmatic bus got booked for parking outside the BBQ Un In by 2 passing road cops and the fine was promptly paid and receipted in the parking fines book
However, after that one small setback, we set off from the BBQ Un UIn in good spirits and in the high hope that “Just Seamus” was going to prove to be an inspired Hare, cause everyone knows that “Rent Boy” always fucks something up.
But alas, we didn’t get the chance to find out as the Asthmatic Bus finally coughed and spluttered its guts out and died just before reaching the Panorama on Nguyen Thi Minh Khai Street and suffered the additional ignominy of being pushed out of the middle of the road by some hefty hashers (where it still lies this morning as I type this report)
Some hashers suggested the bus was killed by the ghost of Dingo past, as his last resting place in Nha Trang before fucking off to Australia was the Panorama, however, it soon became clear that we had a couple of visiting Saigon Hashers and so sabotage was considered. Once revealed that one of the Saigon Hashers was called “Broken Seal” the buses health became a fate accompli and no amount of rooting around the fuel lines by our long-suffering bus pilot was going to fix.
As the fateful 42 swanned around the dead bus, some heavy alternate action was developing whereby Miss Mary Poppins and Knob Polisher discussed some routes to get us to a suitable drink stop and “Broken Waters” ran off to find some chalk which “Fuckin Innocent” had guaranteed was outside a building site some 200m away along Hung Vuong Street. “Slime” should also get an industrious mention as he nipped across the road to a beer shop and got suitable supplies for himself and “Cockstopper”.
And so it came to pass that the alternative hares “Knob Polisher” and “Broken Waters” (Being quickest walkers) took off on an alternated city route while getting blistered fingers scoring arrows in the tarmac with white marble sticks (which was all that was at the previously visited building site). No matter, it kinda worked well till near the drinks stop when we managed to purchase some blackboard chalk, and nobody appeared to get lost …..Despite some dubious calls to the front runners, advising that they should return to the bus as it was all fixed (no call from GM to hares – therefore ignored….. and ON ON – a good call, as it turned out)
So off we traipsed, past Bong Crazy and up lanes and alleys, past the 69 bar and then along the back of the railway tracks to the crossing and back down to the drinks stop at the park opposite Nha Trang Railway Station.
Knowing that this was the final location, some hashers had cheated and took short cuts, some lazy hashers were in the taxi containing the drinks Ice and food (although it only needed MMP + 1) and “Premium Call Girl” went home to change her shoes to prettier ones……however, over 30 hashers still completed the set trail.
At the drinks stop, where some wonderful cleansing San Miguel beer was dished up to thirsty hashers, some of the hash mismanagement committee assembled to discuss upcoming “naming’s” and brainstorm some suitable hash handles with the solution to 3 developed (although only one used today).
After that, it was off again for our hares “Knob Polisher and “Broken Waters” assisted by returning hasher “Microbe” and his mate who had kept up with the hares for the whole day. And so it was, after a winding street trail and past the dam market, the hashers arrived back at the BBQ Un In, home of the Nha Trang Hash (or at least arrived on the footpath opposite)
After some beer, watermelon and a fantastic “Screwgineer” curry, the circle formed to pass the final act of the day – the roundup.
“Miss Mary Poppins” started proceedings and much to the angst of “Rent Boy and “Just Seamus” who had no part in the actual trail today, stuck them both on the ice. As visiting hasher “Broken Seal” delivered is scathing assessment of the run, their protests finally ensured that both “Knob Polisher” and “Rent Boy” were made to join them on the ice.
Following that, the GM then put “Screwgineer” and “Constant Disappointment” on the ice for doing absolutely nothing, but ride in a taxi all day.
Then it was the turn of the Religious Advisor who complemented himself over the weather and then proceeded to dish out charges like a 1980’s Plasma Globe.
First up was “Broken Seal” for breaking our bus, but was then joined by his Saigon Co-conspirator “In&Out” in what can only be described as a saboteurs cell. Next came “Premium Call Girl” and the case of the “home for new shoes” followed by “Just Seamus” for the false charge of accusing hashers of cheating and taking short-cuts. “Fuckin Innocent” joined him on the ice for not knowing that white marble and white plasterboard have different chalking potential - and no – they don’t even look the same.
We than has the naming of “Just Le nhi ha “ who had hared a previous run. As she is a medical professional and is employed as an anaesthetist, a fitting mane was found for “Just Le nhi ha”, so welcome to the hash:
“Sleep with me”
Returning hasher “Microbe” was iced for being a returning hasher before someone reminded the RA of the shocking scenes of Sex on the hash performed last week in the BBQ Un In by “Constant Disappointment” and “Fat Bastard” and both were immediately iced to cool their smouldering passions.
And with that, and no other charges from the floor, hash run No 396 came to a close.
Some went across for another beer in BBQ Un In, while some went to try and stay awake this week to watch Leeds United hammer Burnley 1 - 0
ON ON till next time, and have a very drunken Hogmanay followed by bad head New Year’s Day.
Album Run No 395 – The Bad Santa short Stroll – December 20, 2020
Hares: “Slime”, “Cockstopper” and “Just Gam”
Pack 37 plus a four-legged friend.
Off to a good start with a large pack of 37 assembling at the BBQ Un In, home of the Nha Trang hash. It was particularly pleasing as the weather here has been shit for a week and the forecast was for a storm at 3 …..but the fantastic Religious Adviser staved off the rain once again and thus kept his rather considerable bum dry.
The first few photos show the pack limbering up in the BBQ Un In, and as we have a diverse group this limbering took many different forms. It was then onto the asthmatic bus to travel some 5 or 6 km south to where “Dingo” used to set nearly all his runs – the hills overlooking the Vinpearl Cable ride.
After a brief roundup by “Miss Mary Poppins” and an introduction to our 3 virgins, our 3 hares described the route ….and we were off…….50m, turn right and start climbing up stairs.
Now I was not at the lead, and there was no easy passing on the narrow stairs and passageways, so I have no idea what went on up the front, however the result was:
1. Part 1 of the run was over in 5 minutes.
2. “Slime” (hare) recons we all collectively took a wrong turn and followed the end arrows for part 2 of the run – he had remained with the bus so couldn’t correct on the fly.
3. The bus (drinks Stop) was not allowed to park where the drinks stop was supposed to be, so the run was doubled to 10 minutes while folk phoned to see where “Slime” had taken the asthmatic bus.
And then suddenly we were at the drinks stop……well 21 of us were anyway.
We waited and waited, however the rest of the pack which was stuck behind “Dick Formage” (alleys too narrow to pass) did not turn up. Seems that when they got to the road, they followed the arrows for trail 2 for a bit, and by the time they realized the stuff up, they met the 21 just about to start route 2 …..so no drinks stop for some.
Part 2 was the tried and trusted “Dingo” route of climb to the top of the hill, wander about the top Cul de sack for a while looking for non-existent arrows and waiting for “Slime” to catch up and point “That Way”.
It was still quite interesting as many of the pack had not been up in that area before, and those that had could look at how much the building works had progressed in the last 9 or 10 months.
At the round up and after a good feed of watermelon and “Screwgineer” broth – needed on a cold day like today we got down to business with “Miss Mary Poppins” doing most of the show as the R.A (“Broken Waters”) was feeling off.
First off were the virgins and then visiting hasher “Pencil Dick” drummed up a scathing attack on the run, particularly the first part which he described as the shortest run he had ever been on.
Then it was “Pencil Dick” himself on the ice as a returning hasher, followed by “Constant Disappointment” who needed to drink beer from his brand new shoes. The brew must have been quite potent as you can see from later pictures where he performed as well as his favourite teams defence as Leeds lost 2 goals in the first 3 minutes.........sleeping.
A host of other charges were laid to eat into our time for the short ride home to the BBQ Un In.
“Indecent Exposure” was iced for sex on the hash, and “Rent Boy” gallantly took the punishment for “Indecent Exposure’s” girlfriend as the hasher who looked most like her.
Pirate Pirate Al Shaboobies was iced for giving away all the hash’s money – to an orphanage of all places – and they don’t even do beer there (See 19th December post) and her son “Nipple Licker” was iced for managing to escape out of the orphanage, where his pirate mother tried to leave him.
And after all that it – there were quite a few of us who stayed back for a few beers at the BBQ Un In, before heading off to other places to watch the football ….or in “Constant Disappointment” and “Just Seamus’s” case to crash out where they sat.
You can see from the photos that there will be a bad case of sex on the hash to be accounted for next week, because rules of the hash is – there are no rules on the hash.
ON ON till next time, and have a bloody good Christmas with lots of beer and gorging.
Hash Run 393 - the big wet
Hares - MMP and the cops who couldn't catch him
Best hash run ever
The rain poured, the mist made visibility 40 to 50m and the wind had a bit of a chill factor which reduced the temperature to a cool 25 degrees (Artic).
So as 3 seasoned hashers sat there together at 2.50pm on this Sunday afternoon in the BBQ Un In thinking “where the fuck are the others”, in walked 4 new prospective hashers who were just down on holiday from Ho Pong - or in other words, 4 hash virgins.
We quickly established that these 4 young ladies were university student with 3 studying Physiology and the other studying anatomy and had come along because they had heard the Nha Trang Hash was raunchy and exciting and developed the best ever runs.
Well – faced with this challenge, what else could the Nha Trang Hash do – but cater for everyone’s needs and expectations.
And so the first ever nude hash of Nha Trang was run.
Miss Mary Poppins elected to be trail blazer and took off with chalk and paper, but being nude we had no idea where he was storing it…… but perhaps a clue lay in the fact that neither the paper or the chalk was white.
The 4 lovely nude ladies from Ho Pong set off to follow the trail set by MMP with the ridiculously hansom Broken Waters showing them how to read the signs and follow a trail….albeit in a Scottish accent that nobody but Broken Waters understood.
Meanwhile “Rent Boy” adopted a position in the rear - one he was well acquainted to and ensured there were no lost stragglers, and any course deviation was nipped in the bud............. In his words, “there will be no arsing about on this run”
And so, off we ran, but as we only had 7 hashers and 8 cases of cleansing San Miguel beer (including the 2 stashed spare ones) we decided to have longer drinks stops instead of the normal 10 to 15 minute ones and It was believed that this strategy also worked well on projected stock control.
So after running around blindly on the first section, discovery and discussion at drinks stop no 1 revealed the following:
1. A gorgeous 19-year-old beauty stopped the nude MMP as he set the trail and asked him if he wanted to play around. MMP advised that he gave her his card (produced from somewhere) and suggested he would be good for a T-off on Monday at the local course. The beauty left confused.
2. Rent Boy advised that the 4 nude lady prospective hashers reminded him of some time he was in Ireland back in 1956 and then forgot the rest of the story …but he said it was grand.
3. Broken Waters had 2 black eyes and said – No more running for me.
4. The 4 new hashers commented “Are you sure that nude hashing is the norm in Nha Trang, because sometimes it felt a bit weird?”…….. and the 3 seasoned hashers made a suitable reply which I'm sure will resonate with all hashers everywhere ...ON ON.
And so, after 7or 8 beers we headed out for run 2
Now it should be said that the first section, most of the nude hashers were a bit nervous, however after the first 7 or 8 beers everyone seemed more relaxed. We discussed life with the virgin hashers and revealed some of the Nha Trang hash Secrets – Eg “Constant Disappointment is a Dick” and be careful at the end of the run cause we have a hasher called “Nipple Licker” but everyone was happy – except I guess for the 20 or so locals that were looking at the nude drinks stop…… and the local police that arrived looking pretty angry....... Im guessing they must be still smarting from that crap penalty decision with Liverpool and Brighton from the previous night.
So off we set again – bloody quickly.
However – the net result, as we all ran off – each with a carton under an arm and instructions to ensure its disappearance by consumption only was …..
Broken Waters, who already had 2 black eyes, ran like an overweight Allan Wells while still scoffing beer and ran straight into the history books of the Nha Trang hash as “the one that got away” …. and made it to drinks stop No 2
Rent Boy was arrested on the spot – cause its pretty hard for him to move off any spot, but he still managed to keep downing beers. He was later bailed by a large Swedish gentleman who said he would make sure he got home – and had Pizza prepared for dinner.
Miss Mary Poppins grabbed his gear from the asthmatic bus and jumped inside his Gore-Tex camouflaged jacked and hid in plain sight, like an invisible ghostly presence sipping San Miguel light he had somehow hidden in his stored underwear…. Until an attending police officer said “come on son – everyone can see your legs”
As the 4 naked students were rounded up, the arresting officer accepted the fact that they had not known that Nude Hashing was not the norm in Nha Trang and were immediately released into their own clothes
Before they headed off for the Ho Pong train however, they bailed Miss Mary Poppins for what the arresting officer thought he was worth – so the Nha Trang Hash now has a liability for 5,000 dong and a double egg roll the next time we visit Ho Pong.
At the washup – held at Bong Crazy’s at 6pm, it appears that the 7 hashers had accounted for 96 beers plus 2 cases to appear before the Nha Trang High Court and a container of food for 20 that we managed to save and distribute at Bong Crazy’s.
It was also established that Carl (Constant Disappointment) was, in fact, a dick.
It is perhaps unfortunate that the Vietnamese Facebook Police have decided to sensor all the photographs of todays hash …..but such is life
And so concluded run No 393 and ON ON
Now many of you hashers may not believe this true account of Hash Run No 393 – but you will never know – BECAUSE YOU WERE NOT THERE.
So …..ON ON till next week
Run number 393. __ AKA “The Long and Winding Run” - 22 Nov 2020
Hares"Miss Mary Poppins" & Krusty Stains"
The day started off conspicuously enough at BBQ Un In, the gracious home of the Nha Trang Hash House Harriers. We had a pack of 32 plus a few pint-size humans and a four-legged friend.
Given the motley crew of randomly assembled drunks, locals, expats, and delinquents, it was a true wonder that the asthmatic bus pulled away from the venue at 3 o’ clock, on the nose.
There was some confusion at first, with “Constant Disappointment” whinging loudly for a wee for what seemed like the entire bus ride. It seems he had a constant piss appointment. When we finally did stop, nobody was sure if it was the start of the hash or just a quick stop at a urination station.
After some hemming and hawing, it was determined that this was, in fact, the start of the day’s run.
GM “Miss Mary Poppins” introduced the 4 virgins and delivered the brief pre-run brief before promptly fucking off on his motorcycle, leaving his co-hare “Krusty Stains” to lead the generally unleadable pack of hashers off on their run.
And thus the run started. And thus it kept going. And thus it went further. And thus it went on even longer. After sweating their collective asses off, the hashers found “Miss Mary Poppins” sitting on our trademark red cooler, drinking a cleansing San Miguel ale and grinning at the exhausted pack, proudly exclaiming they were “just getting started.”
While he would normally be iced for such egregious laziness, such as not walking the hash, he did bring us beer where the bus could not. We will forgive him this time.
It was at this point, within clear view of the drink stop, that “Crutchless” misjudged a step on the treacherous trail laid out by the hares and split his leg wide open. Several hashers were good Samaritans and opted to help poor “Crutchless” stop the bleeding and hobble to the drink stop, where Dr. San Miguel was waiting to tend his wounds. Critically, however, our two trauma nurses “Major Cocksmasher” and “Nurse Codpiece”, couldn’t be arsed to do anything but drink beer and watch the hullabaloo from a distance (more on this later.)
The second half of the run was much like the first; long, heavily vegetated, itchy, scratchy, buggy, and very hot. But I guess the views were nice.
When the exhausted pack finally, FINALLY made it back to the bus for the customary watermelon, the sun had all but set and it was, as “Constant Disappointment” might say: “raght dahk”.
We tucked into a fantastic beef stew, served with baguettes, and waited for the circle to start.
“Nurse Codpiece” delivered a scathing run report, reaming the hares for planning such a long and dangerous run, resulting in at least one injury requiring stitches (which is about one too many). She ended up awarding a very generous score of -436, and rightfully and dutifully took her time in berating the hares so that there was no chance in hell they would walk away with dry asses.
Then it was time for charges, and “Ass Tulip” wasted no time putting “Major Cocksmasher” and “Nurse Codpiece” on the ice for, as mentioned earlier, drinking beer and having a laugh as one of our very own hashers suffered without the aid of our two qualified trauma medics. For shame.
Next, “Constant Disappointment” charged “Crimea River” for making sex noises on the hash. How “Constant Disappointment” knows what those noises sound like, we might never know, as I suspect what he usually hears is “awww…” followed by stifled laughter.
“Constant Disappointment” then noticed (a miracle he noticed anything at all) that the RA and usual scribe, “Broken Waters”, was missing from the hash that day. After some brief discussion, it was decided that “Saxostoned” was the only person on the hash with enough brain cells to string a few paragraphs together. “Saxostoned” graciously agreed to write the report and was directly put on the ice for his generosity. What a lovely bunch of dicks. Errrr…. People. Lovely bunch of people.
Finally, “Pirate Al-Shaboobie” was put on the ice for that most heinous of crimes… NOT DOING THE BLOODY HASH! After tearful (and highly dubious) claims that “Nipple Licker” was tired and needed a nap, “Pirate Al-Shaboobie” spent the entirety of the has lying on the bus and drinking beer. That might work on the open seas, “Pirate Al-Shaboobie”, but here on the hash, we have rules! (We even follow them sometimes).
With the circle done and dusted, it was back onto the bus and we trundled slowly back into Nha Trang city.
We’ll see you next Sunday, and until then… ON ON!
Run No 392– Life is a beach, November 15, 2020.
Hares: “Honeytrap”, “ Just Le Nhi Ha”
Pack 32 including a bunch of squidlies and a four legged friend
“Were going to the beach” says “honeytrap” – so we were missing a few of our hardened bush and urban walkers but were augmented by a bunch of locals with short people in tow for a 20 minute walk up the beach…………to then walk back the 20 mins and drink some beer.
A usual start at the BBQ Un In, home of the Nha Trang hash where we got away promptly for the trip to Bai Dai Beach for a beach run. The Asthmatic Bus got us over the hills ok, apart from the strong burning oil smell and deposited the happy pack mere meters from the beach shore
After a round-up and an introduction to the virgins we were introduced to the hares – only to find that “Just Le Nhi Ha” was in Hanoi ………… so “Just Seamus” was appointed as “Just Le Nhi Ha” for the day.
Now it is unclear to the author why we needed hares at all today, as the instructions were “walk 20 mins that way and come back”, however I guess we needed someone to ice at the end of it. Therefore, with no arrows and no paper, off we set.
Now for some, a twenty minute each way walk on sand means a total distance of approximately 4km, while it was apparent that for others it probably represented only 1 km total distance plus lots of photos and paddling opportunities.
And so that was the walk
Back at the beach shacks we got into some cleansing San Miguel Ales while some of the hashers went swimming and trying to catch waves, much to the exasperation of the local life saver (we couldn’t here his whistles) who eventually gave up when he was informed by “Crutchless” that it was OK they are not fat Russians, so shouldn’t drown (At Bai Dai you need to go out 100m before the water goes over your head)
Anyhow, after a refreshing swim it was Watermelon, Food and charges time, accompanied by cleansing San Miguel beer.
The hare’s were iced with “Saddle Sniffer” rightly pointing out that “ Just Le Nhi Ha” had suddenly gotten ugly since the last time he had seen her, as well as going bald and developing a Welsh accent. After an acceptable barracking, the hares were awarded a minus 59 score for the run.
After that, the R.A called for the birthday people to be put on the ice and “Premium Call Girl” and “Crutchless” got iced followed by “Flexible Grunt” who was dobbed in by a “mate”.
We then had a bunch of silly charges, just to eat up some time before we could legally depart on the bus and back to the BBQ Un In.
And that was the day. Hump day this Wednesday will be at La Bella Crepe. A further post will follow on this (perhaps Tuesday).
Run No 391– The Long Haul run – November 8, 2020
Hares: “Major Pain in the Ass”, “ Fat Bastard”
Pack 29 plus 1 short person and an ankle biter.
Whew – after a series of short runs over the last few weeks, finally a bit of a lengthier one.
All started as per usual at the BBQ Un In, the home of the Nha Trang Hash House Harriers where a slightly smaller pack turned up in some glorious weather that the Religious Advisor had ordered up that morning.
The Asthmatic Bus headed out at the correct time and headed west, past COOP and the KILO Bar and beyond, to deposit us on the main western highway. “Miss Mary Poppins” introduced our one new Virgin, being a visitor from Ecuador, before handing over to the hares.
“Major Pain in the Ass” described the run as some 15km to people’s amusement while “Fat Bastard” provided the artistic accompaniment with a little assistance from “Fuckin Innocent” however the final drawing did not look very innocent.
It was then off for a walk along lanes, tracks and pathways ……..and then more lanes, tracks and pathways, and (You Guessed it) more lanes, tracks and pathways.
While there were no hills, and nothing quite spectacular, it was still a genuinely nice walk in the countryside to the drinks stop some 5.2 km from the start point. There was one check back plus a build in short-cut which enabled our slower hashers to save at least half a kilometre, however the front runners had already polished off a couple of the cleansing San Miguel ales before the last of the stragglers limped in – and then it was off on stage 2.
And Guess what?.....more lanes, tracks and pathways, and (You Guessed it) more lanes, tracks and pathways.
With it being almost winter here in Nha Trang (Temp 23 – 29 today) “the nights are fair drawing in”….which means to non-celts that it gets dark much earlier in the evening and consequently when the front runners arrived back at the Asthmatic Bus it was already dark.
As the second part of the run was 4.3 km with no checkbacks, we were pleased that all the stragglers actually made it back in time for the Watermelon and subsequent “Screwgineer” prepared Vegetable broth with a side bowl of pork to be added for the hashers who need meat.
After some more cleansing San Miguel beer, the circle formed up and “Miss Mary Poppins” delivered the on-site scathing run report to the hares on the ice after having already toasted the solitary Virgin……”9.5km in winter?” was echoed around the circle, although “Fuckin Innocent” was still arguing that the first part of the run was over 6km.
The GM then then invited “Fat Bastard” and “Saddle Sniffer” onto the ice to celebrate that they had both achieved 50 runs. Lavish gifts were then bestowed on the pair….OK – They got some of the old shit stock which just won’t sell – but it’s the thought that counts.
Next up, the Religious Advisor complimented himself on the weather, and then in a move to commemorate the US Election, we decided to have a Hash US Election to see if the result was still sound.
“Just Chris” was asked to be the representative for the independent because he is from California and generally doesn’t give a fuck. “Just Chris” said “Sure, I don’t give a fuck”
“Dick Formage” was asked to be Donald Trump for the day as he voted for Trump in the 2016 election and also because he talks shit allot of the time but he is always right – just ask him.
“Fuckin Innocent” was asked to be Joe Biden for the day, as, although he is a year younger than Joe, he shares many of the same attributes…..or he would if he could remember.
After the round of polling by the hashers (Shout volumes) once again Joe Biden (“Fuckin Innocent”) was the clear winner, although ”Dick Formage” contested this while playing with the volume on his hearing aid and “Just Chris” said, “I don’t give a fuck”
All this excitement was too much for “Fuckin Innocent” who needed to have a nap on an Eskie (Check photos you disbelievers).
By this time it seemed later than the USA’s entry into 2 World Wars, so the hashers hastily packed up and departed back to the BBQ Un In, where unfortunately only 3 of the hashers stopped for a beer.
Next week, the hares (“Honeytrap” and “Just Ha”) are taking the hash to Bai Dai, so hashers are encouraged to bring your swimmers if you fancy a dip.
Hump day announcement will follow tomorrow..... or perhaps this evening if the venue gets back to me.
So for now, its
· 15 tgthScponsroreathesdd ·
Hares: “Slime”, “Flip her Quick” & “Annoying little boy”
Pack 32 plus 1 short person
Not a bad run … could have been longer, but alright.
As ever, it all started well from the BBQ Un In at 3pm.
Fully loaded, the asthmatic bus, complete with our regular driver in newly donated hash shirt, tore up the highway to the north, close to where they apparently building a new city (developer language, I believe)
Once again – no virgins, so after a quick hello , “Miss Mary Poppins” handed over to “Annoying Little Boy” to describe todays run.........however he quickly bolted and left the task up to “Slime”
“Slime” described a wonderous run full of butterflies and exotic birds, however our hashers, who are normally just into beer and profanity, discovered a whole new world of poisonous plants and mosquito bites…………..however, this seemed to only affect a few of our female hashers and only the ones who had not indulged in copious amounts of drink the night before (Halloween parties everywhere).
The first part of the run was short – actually so was the second part, but all this ensured is that all the hashers suffering from Halloween hangovers got extra time to top up their systems with cleansing San Miguel beers.
At the round-up, “Princess Fiona” shyly abused the hares and, not surprisingly, came up with a score of minus 69.
The ridiculously hansom religious advisor then came on the scene and praised himself for some wonderful weather slap bang in-between rainstorms and then called out last weeks hares for a naming.
“Just Marie” and “Just Calum” were put on the ice, but alas, “Just Calum” wouldn’t stay put and wandered off to try and drive the bus, presumably cause we wont give him beer.
“Just Marie” is originally from Somalia but ended up in Sheffield through a mixture of bad luck and danger seeking.
Just Marie is known to not favour undergarments due to the heat and humidity in Vietnam and “Just Calum” is her toddler / destroyer of worlds.
While certain sections of the hash though “Pirate of Mickspants” would be a good name, the mismanagement committee as ever, tried to stay away from blatant smut.
So Welcome to the hash
“Pirate Al-Shabooby” and “Nipple Licker”
After the traditional drenching, it was time for the charges, and first up was “Rent Boy” for his disgusting display of the previous evening……...Some things cannot be unseen (and Krusty Stains was censored in absentia for filming the disgusting act)
“Rent Boy” then put “Just Seamus” on the ice for profiting from his homosexual endeavors to the tune of 400,0000 in Pizza vouchers, a charge to which “Just Seamus“ replied…….”Sucker - lol”
It was then the turn of “Dick Formage” for the ice because he said he was going back to America, and much to everyone’s disappointment, the bugger didn’t go. Dick was treated to 4 verses of the “Fuck Off” song. He got off lightly as I believe “Rent Boy” forgot the words.
And that was it for another week.
Run 389 - The Drunken Hare Mystery tour
Hares Constant Disappointment, Just Marie and Just Calum
Pack - 33
No run report cause Broken Waters was not on the run and every other bugger was too lazy to write one.
However, I can report that both hares were pissed and everyone got lost allot.
added 113 new photos to the album Run No 388– The hairbrained hare run – October 18, 2020.Published by
· f1t6s imSipoSintsorendnds ·
Hares: “Constant Disappointment”, “ Screwgineer”
Pack 33 plus 2 short people
Talk about a hairbrained hare – who would believe that you can set a trail in the morning and then get yourself and the whole pack totally lost in the afternoon?
Well the Nha Trang Hash has “Constant Disappointment” and that’s just what he did
It all started well from the BBQ Un In at 3pm and the whole bus cheered when the asthmatic bus executed a 3 point turn and the reverse gear worked and we headed out of the city – but not too far. Just a short stint from the city and we were in an area by the river where lots of ponds have been created and where a whole different lifestyle of living occurs.
So we went on this interesting little journey, right up to the point where there was no paper and “Constant Disappointment” had no clue where to go. For roughly 10 minutes the pack had a wander around different ponds looking for signs with occasional shouts from “CD” – “do you see owt?”.
Eventually “CD” decided to walk a bit himself, and sort of thought they had driven “through that big puddle” which some of us then waded through to find a smattering of paper some 50m on. I’m not saying there was no paper, however it seems there is naught as tight as a Yorkshire man when putting down paper.
The rest of the pack took a detour to keep their feet semi-dry and we were thus back on trial.
The drinks stop was at a place we had visited previously and where “Atomic Craic” had taken a swim, but there were no takers today as it was way too cool. The other hare, “Screwgineer” was there and he had lugged in an esky full of cleansing San Miguel beer (And some soft drinks) – good effort mate.
At this point many of the hashers started to put on raincoats in anticipation of an impending downpour, however there was none so pleased as the Religious Advisor that the downpour did not happen and we only received a short cooling spray.
The second part of the run was much shorter – more like a spring to the bus really, over a route we had last completed on “Dingo” and “Dosages” last run here before they went back to Australia., which left the round up in a lovely spot by the river.
Whilst the water melon and the pre-made rolls were served we had a few things going on, starting off with “Fat Bastard” and subsequently “Chick Magnet” deciding to sit in the parked up boat by the jetty… although only “Fat Bastard” half fell in the water.
Meanwhile the toddler “Just Calum” had got his hands on a full unopened can of beer, dropped it and seemed to have a bit of fun cause the can punctured and was causing a spray. “Just Khanh” , AKA ,Annoying little boy wanted in on this so he got a can of beer for fun purposes too.
And so I guess they had fun
The mean spirited “Broken Waters” however put his foot down – literally, and with his foot on top of the exky no kids could then open the esky to get more beer. Unfortunately Annoying little boy did not like being told no, and decided to keep punching “Broken Waters” on the thigh – which is better than “Slime” gets, because “Slime” gets punched in the gonads when Annoying little boy does not get his way with him.
Anyway – to cut to the chase, I apologize for wasting beer and pouring a can over Annoying little boy’s head.
We then got to charges, and first up was the hares. “Constant Disappointment” was invited to the ice first and then “Screwgineer”, but not before we gave “Screwgineer” an empty bag for insulation as he did not deserve the length of time allocated to the hairbrained hare.
“Pussy Pounder” delivered the scathing attack on the hares and halfway through took a 5 minute phone call from her mum back in the UK and even her mum seemed to know what a disappointment the young lad from Yorkshire was.
The GM then then came forward and reiterated the statement from last week about not wasting beer and we should not be pouring anything on anyone on the ice, unless it’s a naming. Please consider that, as we hope to keep sponsoring the orphanage, all the beer you waste is potential funds which could go to feed orphans
We then had the naming of last weeks hares and it was the turn of “Just Trang” and “Just Khanh” although the latter still had the hump so didn’t come forward.
“Just Trang” is from Hanoi and has a degree in accounting and made a bit of cash in buying properties from the plan and/or selling properties still on the plan. Therefore, welcome to the hash:
“Flip her quick”
And so to the charges – of which there were many, primarily due to the fact that we were not far from town and the bus could not legally travel on the roads for a while.
First up was “Constant Disappointment and “Major Pain in the Ass” for “Sex on the hash” as they were observed having a hug at the start. This was followed by “Pussy Pounder” for leaving the hash (She is off to Saigon to work) and “Fat Bastard” and “Chick Magnet” for getting scolded by the boat owner for commandeering his boat for a photo shoot.
Not wearing hash shirts was another charge which put people on the ice and many succumbed to that.
Perhaps the meanest charge went to “Flexible Grunt” as being the closest looking to “Dick Formage” who would have been on the ice had he come, because he is heading back to the USA …..although “Rent Boy” later advised that they had cancelled his flight.
Last on the ice was “Ass Tulip” who had not been paying attention and tried to level a charge, which had already been addressed previously – hence “False Charge”
And so we wrapped it up for another week and headed back to BBQ Un In where a few off us stopped to have a couple more coldies before heading off home.
Saddle Sniffer will be coming up with the Hash Hump Venue on Wednesday and soon as he lets us know, it will be published on this site
ON ON till next time