Run No 421 - The False Virgin Run

24 keen hashers met at Mr Maps, home of the Nha Trang Hash house Harriers, including 1 virgin and a really cool dog.

We also welcomed the return after a 2 year absence of “Just Thierry” and “Just Phi” …..welcome back guys.

The hares, “Face Cream” and “Just Loan” chose a really nice area if you like dodging trucks on the main highway and want to travel about 4 days away by camel from Mr Maps. It is just as well that the asthmatic bus has been retired and we now have a new old bus which has curtains and even seatbelts, so I suspect it is just the driver “Pist’n Broke” likes to meander at a snail’s pace.

After the circle up, and a long, long run description we headed off on a really nice country walk with an abundance of rivers, scenery and pagodas, but surprising devoid of arrows or other hand markers.
In hindsight, it probably wasn’t a bad thing as the lead group walked some 5.9km on a 4km route and only finished back at the drinks stop a few minutes before the last group wandered in from a different direction. Im not suggesting that there were no markings, however the front group, myself included, had difficulty associating 2 straws crossed over as a STOP sign We also missed the fact that some arrows pointing straight on at the start of a junction were only an indicator for the next metre or so, because there was another small arrow on a lamppost just around the corner pointing in the other direction.

But for all that, very pleasant walk in the country as the photos will attest to.
The cleansing San Miguel ales went down well at the drinks stop, including a new variety (to us) in San Miguel Cervasa Negra Dark Lager (4.9%) which a few of the hashers tried and enjoyed; and then it was off for part 2.

Part 2 consisted of a 3 – 4 km run with all the front runners staying with the hare after the first long walk. Unfortunately, this included 300m of highway walking and a highway crossing, with the same crossing later and some 600m of highway no-fun. For all that, still a good walk and plenty of scenery and photoshoots (including one of the hares mums house).

For most of the walkers, the return to the bus was just as dusk was falling and the eskies, table and food were pulled out and for the hearty consumption of “Pickle Dick” and “Mirrors” broth. Around this time, we realised that “Dick Formage” was missing but the GM would not allow us to vote on a quick getaway, primarily we think because “Dick” had a young charge with him.

At the “Circle up”, we welcomed “Virgin Mike” to the fold and congratulated “Birdshit” for having completed 50 runs in the usual manner. The hares were chastised in a suitable manner and given a run score of minus 421, although it is uncertain how that number was picked.

“Pay me Now” was nominated for “Dick of the week” award for talking instead of listening, an undefendable charge it turns out as “Knob Polisher” and “Just Mike” were also nominated, but before a vote could be taken, “Pay me Now” had already sat on the ice while still talking – lol

And that about rounded it out for another week.

Don’t forget that Sunday 17th will be an all-day hash where we will be leaving Mr Maps at 08.00 for a 2-hour drive to a lovely beach and undertaking a hash run followed by some serious beach chillin. Please see the hash site for details and contact GM or message the hash site if you are interested in coming (pre-bookings only).

ON ON 

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Hash # 420 - The Dummy Run

Yay! After another (thankfully short) break in the Hash, we have now resumed ‘normal’ hashes.

By ‘normal’, we mean hashes with bus trips, drinks and food. Of course we don’t mean the hashers themselves. Some of them are definitely not quite normal. You know who you are, but we love you all the same.

Anyhoo - now we’re back up and running, there has been a big change to the hash. A huge, ginormous change!

It seems that the asthmatic bus has finally retired!

Yes, we realise that by ‘retired’ it might have actually gone to ‘live on the farm with your cousins’ - just like the pet goldfish you had when you were a child, but I’m sure it’s happy, wherever it is.

For those who haven’t had the pleasure, the new asthmatic bus is a very different experience. For a start, it has functioning air conditioning! And nifty yellow covers for the head rests.

And even better, so far it has managed to start, stop, go up steep hills and even reverse without any issues. Long may it continue.

As usual, we met at our sponsor, the Mr. Mập restaurant, with a number of people having a refreshing cold warmup drink from our other sponsor, San Miguel

Then it was onto the new bus and we set off for the Hash. Unfortunately, the advantage of having a speedy new bus was offset by our driver, Piston Broke, taking us the long way round to our starting point - just over the hill on the way to Lương Sơn fishing village.

After the normal introduction by the Hares (Miss Mary Poppins and Constant Disappointment) we set off down a lovely little concreted path, and slowly started working our way up a valley.

Now, it just so happened that the hares had actually set the run first thing that morning, so effectively they were doing two hashes on one day. One of the hares appeared to have coped OK with this, but the other one … not so much. Poor old Constant Disappointment was very hot, tired and sunburnt.

Unfortunately, Miss Mary Poppins, being the highly experienced (i.e. wily) hare that he is, chose this moment to head off on some errand (aka loaf around somewhere until we got back), leaving Constant Disappointment to help the pack through any tricky bits.

There was a slight flaw with this arrangement. Namely, Constant Disappointment. At the best of times he can be a slightly erratic hare. But when he’s tired, hot and sunburnt, he’s about as much use as a bra on a snake.

Each time we got to a point where we needed some advice, Constant’s refrain was “I didn’t set this bit - Miss Mary Poppins did.”

Oh, how naive we were! Constant repeated this phrase for the entire run, even when we finally saw the bus from about 200 meters away! He’d basically forgotten the entire thing!

Still, we managed, although at one point the universe was completely turned on its head.

The pack leaders were a bit slow finding the trail, so Dick Fromage took a shortcut, and managed to end up leading the pack! Something that hasn’t been experienced since, oh, the mid 19’th century!

After turning around at the far point of the run we were met by a really nice view down the valley, and into the bay next to the fishing village.

The walk back down was uneventful, except for the scary moment Fucking Innocent managed to hook a vine round his foot, and take a swan dive onto some rocks. Luckily though, no serious damage occurred, and after being helped back onto his feet he finished the Hash under his own steam.

The only other thing of note was when Indecent Exposure breathlessly told the people behind him to “go round the other way, because there’s a bush with f-ing big thorns”.

The only problem being that the “other way” involved walking through a lot of other scratchy bushes, and a rather large column of very bitey ants!

To add insult to injury for those who followed Indecent’s advice, the people behind them saw what happened, said “stuff that”, took two paces to the right to avoid the “massive thorny bush”, and followed the nice, clear, ant-free path around it.

After that, it was time for the drinks stop, where the “dummy” referred to in the title of this Hash made its appearance. Namely the top half of a very old, and quite sinister looking female mannequin.

At this point some of the Hashers who hadn’t seen any ‘action’ in a while decided that a mannequin was the next best thing. Foolishly, they forgot that there were cameras around, and now the evidence has gone public of their shenanigans.

How they’re going to explain the photos to their kids, I don’t know. But come to think of it, if a mannequin is the best they can get they probably won’t have to worry about having any kids to explain to.

The second half of the hash was an easy, shortish walk back to the bus, although of course Constant still couldn’t remember any of it.

Once back at the bus, and after some lovely vegetarian food prepared by Pickle Dick and Mirror, the hash circle was convened and Miss Mary Poppins and Constant Disappointment were (rightly) iced for a _long_ period of time.

We know they had a long time on the ice, because even Miss Mary Poppins (who has buns made of steel - albeit slightly saggy twice-melted steel) was complaining about how cold it was.

Pickle Dick gave a long and suitably derogatory summary of the run, and then an unprecedented score of -800 and something, because the steam from cooking our vegetarian dinner had obviously turned his brain into mush

Indecent Exposure and Saddle Sniffer were then awarded Dick of the Week, which at least on Saddle Sniffer’s part was extremely unfair!

Then it was on to the bus for the ride home, this time via the short route, in time for some tasty food at Mr. Mập, plus (obviously) some more great beers from San Miguel.

And so ended another great day out. On On!

Run 418

The “What? Two times in a row?” run. 418

Wow! For the second time in a row we managed to have a “full service” Hash run.

And, no, get your mind out of the gutter. We don’t mean that sort of “full service”.

Rather, we had a hash with a bus trip, drinks stop, food, and a decent amount of people.

As usual, we started at Mr. Mập’s, the restaurant which kindly supports as a base for the hash.

A few brave souls trickled in early so they could warm up with a couple of beers, and then gradually more people started arriving. And then more. Until it looked a bit a hash from days gone by, with people milling around, asking the usually sort of questions.

“Where will we be going?” - It’s a surprise, wait and see.

“How long will the run be?” - It’s a surprise, wait and see.

“Where will we end up” - It’s a surprise, wait and see.

As you can probably tell, full details of a run are normally a closely guarded secret.

This is so that lazy buggers can’t cheat by walking directly to the drinks stop / end point, and skipping the exercise involved in walking there. (more on this practice later)

However, for this run we’d been warned that:

The bus trip was a bit longer than usual

The run was a bit shorter than usual

We would end up at a beach

And … there would be a jetski.

Now, experienced hashers would probably guess that at least two of these points had the potential to go wrong.

However, much to everybody’s surprise, the asthmatic bus performed fantastically, and we got to the start point of the run with no hiccups.

Well, only one hiccup. Some people (constantly, hint hint) start the run well-lubricated, so to speak. Meaning that their bladders can’t cope with a long bus trip.

So … Just after we’d got over the hill towards Cam Ranh, a certain person forced the bus to stop so he could take a leak. Which he then did directly in front of the bus, although he did have the decency to face away from us.

At this point, one of the side benefits of the Hash (i.e. teaching dodgy English phrases to local Vietnamese) came into play. Example words being bandied about were “shake”, “snake” and “worm”.

Luckily, it was then only about 15 minutes more to the start of the Hash, so nobody had to go through that experience twice.

The circle at the start of the hash proved to be somewhat unusual, is it was more of a ‘long thing oblong’. This was because it was held by the side of a busy road, and if it had been a circle, a number of hashers would have soon been run over by the traffic.

In the interests of safety, Miss Mary Poppins did a very quick introduction as usual, and then it was “On On!!

Which began with a long straight walk over the bridge towards Cam Ranh town. No need for chalk arrows and paper here.

Halfway along the bridge, Screwgineer (Our Hare, along with Miss Mary Poppins) drove up on his motorbike, where a certain (disappointing - hint hint) hasher hopped on the back and got a ride directly to the drinks stop, without having to do any more walking!

This was closely followed by Major Pain in the Arse, at the back of the pack, cunningly noticing that we’d doubled back close to the route. As per time-honoured tradition, she then took a shortcut, and suddenly ended up near the front of the hash.

“Major”, as she’s commonly known, has rather short legs, so her being at the front of the hash is a rare occasion, and one which surprised a few hashers.

Luckily, also in time-honoured tradition, Dick Fromage stayed true to form, bringing up the last of the pack, so the balance of the universe wasn’t greatly disturbed.

The run ended up on a surprisingly clean bit of beach on the side of Cam Ranh lagoon. As usual, soft drinks and ice cold San Miguel beers were consumed, Screwgineer’s jetski was duly admired, and then we set off on the second half of the run.

This consisted of a 1.8 km walk, down the beach and looping back to the bus. Long and scenic it wasn’t, but then we had been warned.

The only highlight of note was that Dick Fromage decided to try his charms on a poor Vietnamese soldier, armed with an AK 47, guarding the local army barracks.

Luckily, a) the gun wasn’t loaded, and b) the soldier, obviously trying to be a role model for Dick Fromage, managed to remain tolerant and even tempered throughout.

Back at the bus, it was time for a yummy dinner, cooked up by Screwgineers Mom, while some people tried out Screwgineer’s jetski.

Unfortunately, it was a surprisingly windy and overcast day, so there weren’t many takers, which was unfortunate, as it turned out to be warmer in the water than on the beach.

On the other hand, this meant that there was less chance of people injuring themselves, and there were no mishaps.

Then it was time for the circle, where … (tbd)

The “What? Two times in a row?” run.

Wow! For the second time in a row we managed to have a “full service” Hash run.

And, no, get your mind out of the gutter. We don’t mean that sort of “full service”.

Rather, we had a hash with a bus trip, drinks stop, food, and a decent amount of people.

As usual, we started at Mr. Mập’s, the restaurant which kindly supports as a base for the hash.

A few brave souls trickled in early so they could warm up with a couple of beers, and then gradually more people started arriving. And then more. Until it looked a bit a hash from days gone by, with people milling around, asking the usually sort of questions.

“Where will we be going?” - It’s a surprise, wait and see.

“How long will the run be?” - It’s a surprise, wait and see.

“Where will we end up” - It’s a surprise, wait and see.

As you can probably tell, full details of a run are normally a closely guarded secret.

This is so that lazy buggers can’t cheat by walking directly to the drinks stop / end point, and skipping the exercise involved in walking there. (more on this practice later)

However, for this run we’d been warned that:

The bus trip was a bit longer than usual

The run was a bit shorter than usual

We would end up at a beach

And … there would be a jetski.

Now, experienced hashers would probably guess that at least two of these points had the potential to go wrong.

However, much to everybody’s surprise, the asthmatic bus performed fantastically, and we got to the start point of the run with no hiccups.

Well, only one hiccup. Some people (constantly, hint hint) start the run well-lubricated, so to speak. Meaning that their bladders can’t cope with a long bus trip.

So … Just after we’d got over the hill towards Cam Ranh, a certain person forced the bus to stop so he could take a leak. Which he then did directly in front of the bus, although he did have the decency to face away from us.

At this point, one of the side benefits of the Hash (i.e. teaching dodgy English phrases to local Vietnamese) came into play. Example words being bandied about were “shake”, “snake” and “worm”.

Luckily, it was then only about 15 minutes more to the start of the Hash, so nobody had to go through that experience twice.

The circle at the start of the hash proved to be somewhat unusual, is it was more of a ‘long thing oblong’. This was because it was held by the side of a busy road, and if it had been a circle, a number of hashers would have soon been run over by the traffic.

In the interests of safety, Miss Mary Poppins did a very quick introduction as usual, and then it was “On On!!

Which began with a long straight walk over the bridge towards Cam Ranh town. No need for chalk arrows and paper here.

Halfway along the bridge, Screwgineer (Our Hare, along with Miss Mary Poppins) drove up on his motorbike, where a certain (disappointing - hint hint) hasher hopped on the back and got a ride directly to the drinks stop, without having to do any more walking!

This was closely followed by Major Pain in the Arse, at the back of the pack, cunningly noticing that we’d doubled back close to the route. As per time-honoured tradition, she then took a shortcut, and suddenly ended up near the front of the hash.

“Major”, as she’s commonly known, has rather short legs, so her being at the front of the hash is a rare occasion, and one which surprised a few hashers.

Luckily, also in time-honoured tradition, Dick Fromage stayed true to form, bringing up the last of the pack, so the balance of the universe wasn’t greatly disturbed.

The run ended up on a surprisingly clean bit of beach on the side of Cam Ranh lagoon. As usual, soft drinks and ice cold San Miguel beers were consumed, Screwgineer’s jetski was duly admired, and then we set off on the second half of the run.

This consisted of a 1.8 km walk, down the beach and looping back to the bus. Long and scenic it wasn’t, but then we had been warned.

The only highlight of note was that Dick Fromage decided to try his charms on a poor Vietnamese soldier, armed with an AK 47, guarding the local army barracks.

Luckily, a) the gun wasn’t loaded, and b) the soldier, obviously trying to be a role model for Dick Fromage, managed to remain tolerant and even tempered throughout.

Back at the bus, it was time for a yummy dinner, cooked up by Screwgineers Mom, while some people tried out Screwgineer’s jetski.

Unfortunately, it was a surprisingly windy and overcast day, so there weren’t many takers, which was unfortunate, as it turned out to be warmer in the water than on the beach.

On the other hand, this meant that there was less chance of people injuring themselves, and there were no mishaps.

Then it was time for the circle, where … (tbd)

And finally, it was back on the bus for the ride home. This was a surprisingly civilized affair, apart from the one person who decided to have a half hour snooze on the floor at the back of the bus. (Observers were left wondering who felt dirtier after the experience - the ‘snoozer’ or the bus!)

As for the identity of the snoozer, you’ll just have to work it out for yourself - he’s already been hinted at twice already in the writeup.

And so ended another great hash. It’s good to be back in the saddle. May there be many more.

Thanks again to our sponsors, Mr. Mập’s, the restaurant, and San Miguel.

“On On!”

Run 417

Fucking finally.

Let's face it, we've been waiting for this day for months. We even did a bit of math (very difficult) and concluded that it had been a whole 10 months since our last proper hash!

Now, sure... We had a few mini-hash-type-things. A group of 4-10 misfit wandering about town.

And we had the taxi runs, where a group of 4-10 misfits took taxis out of town and wandered back into town.

BUT NOW! AT LONG LAST! We. Are. ON- ON!

The asthmatic bus trundled slowly away from our new home, Mr. Maps, with tried and trusted "Piston Broke" behind the wheel. What a joy it was to soak in the sights, sounds, and smells of the countryside; the rice paddies, the cow shit.... just all of it. "Knob Polisher" and "Indecent Exposure" truly know how to make us smile.

After a great first half of the run, filled with fantastic views and a clearly marked trail, the hashers had a brief beer stop before starting on the second half the run.

Which was shorter than the brief beer stop.

No matter, we stopped at the the top of the damn dam for the customary watermelon, and a lovely lentil salad provided by "Pickle Dick" and "Mirror", before throwing down a bag of ice and inviting (forcing) peope to sit on it.

Up first were the hares, "Indecent Exposure" and "Knob Polisher", who were kept there extra long as we ensured we had hares for the weeks ahead.

Then we iced "Constant Disappointment" for being a constant disappointment.

We realized that the soft drinks had spoiled, a direct result of Brewmasters "Birdshit", "Fat Bastard", and "Dr. Small Balls" not doing their jobs.

None of them were in attendance, so it was decided that "Broken Waters", being a girthy fellow, most closely resembled "Fat Bastard" and took his place on the ice. Then, upon realizing "Broken Waters" was the size of "Fat Bastard" and "Birdshit" combined, he took "Birdshit's" spot on the ice as well. That just left "Dr. Small Balls", a tiny Vietnamese woman who was also missing from this hash. It was decided due to his luscious long locks of hair and a beard not dissimilar to that of the aforementioned tiny-testicled physician, that "Saxostoned" would take the place of "Dr. Small Balls."

That nonsense out of the way, "Constant Disappointment" decided to ice everyone who'd been helping the has the past few months (what a reward, what a treat), and with that we wrapped it up and headed home for one last brew at Mr. Maps.

Run 413 – The Brandy Run

11 hashers met at Mr Maps, home of the Nha Trang Hash house Harriers, including 3 virgins keen and eager and full of vitality.

The ridiculously handsome “Broken Waters” was the day’s hare and led the hashers out onto the Dalat Highway in 2 maxi taxi’s to a point some 7.4km from Mr Maps, if google maps is to be believed. At the assembly circle, “BW” revealed that he had organised a drinks stop at the Kilo Bar, primarily because “Miss Mary Poppins” had already blurted it out in a phone conversation to a wayward hasher who had arrived late at Mr Maps, but who could still taxi out and join for the second section of the run.

Rather than all stick together, as had been the norm for the past 5 or 6 weeks, the run had “BW” out front (with “Knob Polisher”) leaving chalk marks so the meandering pack could toddle along at their own pace. And so the pack was led down lanes, alleyways and tracks alongside crop fields (although the exceedingly keen virgins were spotted doing shortcuts through the fields) and past a lovely pagoda on the way to Kilo’s Bar.

As we had 3 virgins, “BW” opportunistically took the pack over a bamboo bridge owned by a restaurant, but luckily nobody was about (and the same route was used 2 years prior).

At the Kilo Bar, returning hasher “Donald Trump” was already sampling the Kilo Distillery’s fine brandy after making his own way there while the thirsty hashers tucked into the beer.

In a gesture of fantastic hospitality, Daniel (Kilo’s Owner) served up a wad of free pizza for the hashers and gave everyone a sample of his brandy liqueur and some samples of his new grape brandy while hashers played or watched an old-style game of Carrom (like playing pool with your fingers)

Trying to keep the pack together is pretty tough, and just as we were about to depart it was discovered that food had been ordered. “Screwgineer’s” salad duly arrived which prompted another round of drinks and some more brandy chasers while we waited for him to scoff his nosh and become a contender for the weekly prize of “dick of the week”

The pack finally staggered out of the Kilo Bar and followed the chalk arrows set by “BW” in a roundabout route through developing areas and back over the river to the home base of Mr Maps.

At the round up, it was a bit of a quiet affair as the 3 virgins had to rush off because they were late for something – or they were just plain scared because “Indecent Exposure” turned up at the end.
Also missing were “Fuckin Innocent” and his partner “Pay me now” who presumably shot off home as “PMN” was also a contender for “Dick of the Week”, an apparent carry-over from the week before according to “Miss Mary Poppins” (“Fat Bastard” took her punishment last week as the hasher who most closely resembled “PMN”)

In the end, the hare was iced as usual but received a surprisingly OK score on the run report – presumably cause everyone had a good time getting trashed at Kilos Bar.
The “Dick of the week” award went to returning hasher “Donald Trump” who did a decent job of drinking his beer without spilling too much and that was just about it for the week. A few scurrilous charges were trumped up as usual which saw “Miss Mary Poppins” and “Indecent Exposure” get their bums wet before run 413 was finally concluded for another week.

We didn't have anyone taking "Hash" photos this week, so if anyone took any good shots, please send them in.

ON ON

Album Run 412, The Bloody Muddy Cruddy Run.

Nha Trang Hash House Harriers's albums

Run 411 The Beer Hoi Blues Run 

Run 410 – The Buggering Buffalo Run

Again, we had 8 hardy hashers turning up at Mr Map, the new home of the Nha Trang Hash house Harriers, with the promise “Indecent Exposure” as the hare and with the group still resigned to town runs until the spectre of Covid finally buggers off and we can once again venture into the fantastic countryside surrounding Nha Trang as our asthmatic bus coughs and splutters its diesel fumes into the fresh healthy air.

So off we took, with the famous hash lazy bastard hare who had not put down any markers remark of “Follow me”

At the round up circle, “Indecent Exposure” described the first part of his run as “Expect it to be Boring as Batshit” and for once he lived up to his expectations and description. To be fair, when every run leaves from Mr Map, you must expect the same sort of scenery for a while, so we traipsed past local shops and street venders and headed west over the river.

As we were a diverse pack, and with no markings, the front runners periodically stopped to allow the group to reassemble, and it was at the first pit stop where we encountered a herd of swimming water buffalos (see photos). The rest of the pack were oblivious because the buggering part (refer run title) was only observed by “Saddle Sniffer”, who seemed obsessed with the word, apparently as part of his kiwi national upbringing.

So it was over the bridge, and a stroll down the river to the impromptu drinks stop of a small cordoned off café, who was able to sell us some cheap cleansing ales from a rival brand of our sponsors. “Indecent Exposure” then religiously and repeatedly sprayed everyone with hand sanitiser who had touched money or beer cans.

Over the downstream bridge, then back along the river made for a surprisingly pleasant run, followed by a stroll through a newly developing estate being filled with posh looking houses, before heading back through the surrounding streets and back to Mr Map and some more cleansing ale. (Total 9.6Km)

The Hare was iced and for a change was asked to provide the run report. I guess “Indecent Exposure” must carry out self-flagellation at home because he delivered a scathing report on his own run and awarded himself minus 69 as a run score. Saddle Sniffer commented “Bugger”.

Fat Bastard was supposed to be iced as Co-Hare, but in his absence “Broken Waters” who in real life is a fat bastard, was elected to take his punishment on the ice. “Miss Mary Poppins” was iced for his brand-new walking bootees, and the bootees were broken in by the traditional beer method.

“Indecent Exposure” was named “Dick of the week”, probably for no other reason than “Constant Disappointment” was a no show ….cause he usually always wins.

I guess we were short on ideas, and we didn’t have a big pack, so “Major Pain in the arse” was iced for being too nice.

And that concluded run 410 and the team retired for some beers, food, and a chat in Mr Map, where competition was hot on who could come up with the best bugger joke.

So, same place, same time next week and ON ON.

Run Number 405: Neighborhood Nonsense

It was another beautiful Sunday afternoon in Nha Trang, Vietnam, and as we always do on Sundays, we went on a hash run. The run met at BBQ Un In, the home of the Nha Trang Hash, and at 3 PM our fearless leader “Miss Mary Poppins” had our pack of 27 board the bus for our journey into the unknown.

As the bus headed south out of the city and onto the familiar highway to Bai Dai Beach, hashers could be heard grumbling and groaning as we realized we might be going to the damn beach again, only to be pleasantly surprised as the bus grumbled to a halt on the side of the road. It appears we’d be getting some new scenery after all.

“Miss Mary Poppins” circled the hashers up and introduced the lone virgin, who was very shy and unsure about all this hash nonsense, and then opened the circles to hares “Pickle Dick” and “Mirror” to introduce the run. They showed us what marks to look for, advised us the trail was clearly marked, and we were off into the wilds of Vietnam.

The first half of the run was a serene little stroll through a quiet neighborhood, with clear marks as promised. The hares provided plenty of places for thirsty hashers to purchase libations, which was more than necessary as it was absolutely fucking cooking outside. It was a nice enough trail, with plenty of twists and turns to keep things interesting, and before they knew it the sweaty pack had arrived at the first drink stop.

After the hashers’ thirst had been abated by refreshing San Miguel brews, we were off to the races for the second half, which started by crossing the very busy highway. Traffic dodged and hashers safe, the pack enjoyed a series of small paths and trails through another neighborhood, with friendly local children darting among the hashers in search of high-fives. After a few short kilometers, the pack arrived at the final drinks stop, a scenic enough setting with a view over the river as the sun set behind the mountains.

Once at the drinks stop, “Knob Polisher” made short work of the customary watermelon and before we knew it, the hash was chowing down on some nutritious nibbles. As the watermelon disappeared, hares “Pickle Dick” and “Mirror” served up a giant cauldron of homemade vegetarian soup with chunks of baguette. Loads of fresh herbs, carrots, potatoes, cauliflower, mushrooms, and more all in a savory broth, what a meal!

Bellies full, the hashers quickly circled up and got around to the business of charges. Up first was the virgin, who did not feel up to participating. We did sing her a song, very quietly, but since she was sad and we like to have fun at the hash, we didn’t push the matter any further. Then it was on to charges, and up first was “Pickle Dick” and “Mirror”, the hares responsible for this disaster.

“Miss Mary Poppins” called on a very hot and disoriented “Saxostoned” to deliver the run report, who spouted out a few lines of nonsense about it being nice and the food being good and awarded the diabolical duo a score of -250, which is all in all not a bad showing!

The floor was then opened to charges, and it was time to nominate a Dick of the Week. “Constant Disappointment” was quick to nominate “Miss Mary Poppins” and “Saxostoned” for some kind of trumped up charges, but those two quick thinkers expediently realized it would be easier (and better for them) to just put “Constant Disappointment” on the ice instead for breaking his sunglasses while kicking water at other hashers. So “Constant Disappointment” had to take a stupid drink and won Dick of the Week for the 3rd week running. Congratulations!

Up next we iced “Dick Fromage” on the charge that he’s a dick, which nobody can deny. This was also a chance for RA “Constant Disappointment” to introduce a new game to the hash: Nose Goes. When the RA shouts “nose goes!”, the last person to put a finger on their nose has to help whichever old geezer is on the ice back onto his feet. In this case, “Just Diem” drew the short straw and had to help pull “Dick Fromage” from the ice.

RA “Constant Disappointment” then set about the business of charging people for not wearing hash shirts, promptly icing “Just Tony” and “Just Sinat” for not wearing the appropriate attire. They were let off with a very short stint on the ice as long as they promised to buy shirts next week. Let this serve as a reminder! Don’t be cheap, buy a shirt, the proceeds literally feed hungry orphans you penny-pinching monsters or we will ice you til your ass turns blue.

We let “Just Sinat” off the ice, but “Just Tony” had to stay, since it was Anzac Day and “Just Tony” is Australian. We then realized New Zealanders also celebrate this day so we invited “Saddle Sniffer” and “Fuckin Innocent” to join their compatriot on the ice. We sang them a lovely song about their illegitimacy and let them back up.

Much to the dismay of the rest of the circle, “Indecent Exposure” then tried to levy a charge against “Pickle Dick” for allegedly promoting a new beer. “Pickle Dick” has taken steps to improve his health, and as a result drinks a beer substitute which he told people was good. “Indecent Exposure”, being the whiner that he is, tried to charge him with being treasonous to our beloved San Miguel which was of course a false charge. Drinking is a personal choice, so we iced “Indecent Exposure” instead and made him drink “Pickle Dick’s” beer substitute.

Enterprising young hasher “Deadly” then placed our seasoned RA “Constant Disappointment” on the ice for the heinous charge of erasing AND covering the marks so painstakingly laid by the hares, and using beer to do so! What a dick move.

Perhaps most important of all, we had a naming this week. Returning hasher “Just Diem” decided to hare last week’s trail, and since she was silly enough to return this week, we thought we’d give her a name. “Just Diem” is a primary school teacher that peddles various beauty products in her time off. In fact, she was peddling beauty products during the hash! No need explaining the name, then… Welcome to the hash, “Face Cream”!

And last but not least, not to be outdone, “Constant Disappointment” tried to charge GM “Miss Mary Poppins” for kicking water at him, until a few other hashers confessed to having witnessed “Constant Disappointment” doing the same. So we iced both of them.

The sun having set behind the misty mountains and the river aglow with the last glimmers of fading twilight, the weary and contented pack boarded the asthmatic bus and made our slow return to town, another fantastic hash under their belts and in their hearts.

And that’s how the hash was hashed!

ON-ON!

“Saxostoned”

Scribe, NTVHHH

Scribe's Note: due to technical difficulties there are no photos for Facebook this week. Photos can be reviewed on our website for those interested. Sorry folks, no way for me to get pics from my camera to my computer since my computer is out of commission. I typed this report on my phone, you're welcome.

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It was a sunny Sunday afternoon as the Nha Trang Hash met their compatriots at the home of the hash, BBQ Un In. A meager pack of 23 arrived and with nobody else in sight, "Miss Mary Poppins" put us all on the bus and we were off.

It was a beautiful drive out into the countryside of Vietnam as the asthmatic bus trundled through villages and rice fields before arriving at our final destination, just outside of a temple.

"Miss Mary Poppins" introduced the lone virgin, who was already in a daze from having been stuck next to " Dick Fromage" for the entirety of the bus ride, and then invited hares "Premium Call Girl" and "Just Diem" to explain the debacle ahead.

The first half of the trail was truly lovely, an afternoon jaunt through a quaint little village with plenty of opportunities for thirsty hashers to buy road sodas. Unfortunately, the trail was very poorly marked and the pack spent the Run worrying if they were going the right way.

Somewhere along the way, a very drunk "Constant Disappointment" fell into a rice paddy and showed up to the drinks stop with a new shirt. Apparently he bought it off a local lady's back because "it's pink and has rainbows". That boy ain't right.

Anyway after a fantastic first half of the run, we were off to a very lazy second half wherein we just walked through a muddy field in full view of the bus.

Then it was onto the beers, and some fantastic vegetarian noodles by our very own "Screwgineer", before we moved on to the charges.

Iced first were the hares, who were promptly and thoroughly berated by a severely inebriated "Constant Disappointment".

Up next, "Dick Fromage" was iced for not having anything better to do with his time than hash. This led to him completing over 250 runs with the Nha Trang Hash so we gave him a t-shirt.

Then, we needed a Dick of the Week, which was awarded to "Constant Disappointment" because of course it was. Plus, it's great fun watching him take Stupid Drinks, which were his idea to begin with.

Of course it wouldn't be a hash without sex, so "Major Pain in the Ass" and "Just Diem" were nominated for arctic asses due to unlawful fornication. For some reason "Constant Disappointment" was on the ice with them, even though we all know he's about as sexless as a hagfish.

On the ice next was "Screwgineer" and his partner "Just Nhan", because they weren't wearing hash shirts. In fact, "Screwgineer" was wearing the pink shirt that "Constant Disappointment" had bought from a random villager. I don't even want to know what sort of homoerotic nonsense is at play here.

Finally, we gave Beer Bitch "Birdshit" a go on the ice for not serving people their San Miguel quickly enough, and with the charges done, we were on the way back home.

And that's how the hash was hashed!

ON-ON!

"Saxostoned"

Scribe, NTVHHH