Album Run No 384 – The Step-Up Pagoda Run– September 20th 2020

 added 62 new photos.

21 September at 11:30  · 

Hares: “Rent Boy” and “Just Nguyen”

Pack 34

Whooooooo Hooooooo …….It kinda all worked and we were all very pleased to see the asthmatic blue bus back on hash action

We set off on time from the BBQ Un In, home of the Nha Trang Hash, minus the GM who took off to a hair salon as soon as he had collected the registration money (Or was it because last week he left the BBQ Un In late on, leaving an almost full bottle of cleansing San Miguel and was thus promised an icing for heinous crimes against beer?). Also missing were “Just Christian” and “Just Collette” who didn’t show cause today we were doing a trail that they thought they had “found” as their maiden hare trail last Tuesday……… until they found the paper and chalk marks that “Rent Boy” and “Broken Waters” had put down on the previous Saturday.

And just on that ……. on this trail / run, “Rent Boy” decided to ditch “Broken Waters” and re-mark last weeks cancelled route with “Just Nguyen,” citing the fact that she is a hell of a lot prettier than “Broken Waters” …….hmmmmmmm – he may have a point.

So off we set, about 6 or 7 km out west on the Duong Vo Nguyen Ciap (Main Dalat Road) where the bus dropped us off in an area where we would be unlikely to disturb a great many locals who are still fearful of foreigners in this covid-19 age.

After a hasty round-up by “Rent Boy”, explaining his thoughts on the run, about half a dozen hashers jumped back on the bus and proceeded to the drinks stop at the base of the Pagoda, where they intended to climb up the steps which was their Part 1 of the days run.

Meanwhile, the rest of the pack headed off on the remarkably short trail and totally ignored any attempts at false trails because we could all see the Pagoda “Rent Boy” had told us we were heading for. With nothing particularly challenging in play, the front runners of the pack ended up at the drinks stop by about 4:10 for some relaxing San Miguel cleansing ales as the rest of the pack trickled in.

As the second part of the walk was also very short, the hares waited till 5pm before setting the pack off on Part 2, while “Broken Waters” stayed with the bus to await the hashers who had gone up to the Pagoda.

As the Pagoda hashers dribbled in, they were pointed in the direction of the Part 2 run, whereby a couple walked around the cemetery and took a wrong turn back to the bus while all the others, with the exception of “Just Seamus” elected to get back on the bus and ride to the finishing post.

In total, the walk was only around 4km, but the bunch of lazy bastards we have on the hash seemed quite pleased and very happy just to be out in the country again.

Our round up point was a nice piece of land by the side of an irrigation channel and would have been well suited if a largish truck had not already claimed prime place to park for the Sunday. Still – we are hashers …..we can fit in here.

So after the water melon and the bowels of delicious broth cooked up by “Screwgineer”, “Saddle Sniffer” took center stage to interview the solitary virgin and to call on visiting hasher “Van Dyke” to deliver the on-site run report.

After a scathing review of the run, “Van Dyke” had to be put straight and reassess his score as he stuffed up and initially and came up with a score that was in positive territory (We cant have that).

Meanwhile, a trainee hasher, who most on the ice on this day would later dub “annoying little boy”, doused “Rent Boy” with lemonade.

The ridiculously handsome RA then took charge and after complementing himself over the weather, laid out the charges he had manufactured.

First up were returning hashers and “hand Job”, “Cockstopper” and “Van Dyke” all receiver their punishment on the ice with enhancements from “annoying little boy”.

“Van Dyke” was then re-iced for being a Hanoi Spy, so while we were at it, we decided everyone from Hanoi could be northern hash spies – so onto the ice for anyone from Hanoi (And a chance for payback to “annoying little boy”)

“Constant Disappointment” was iced - not for breaking open one of the spare beer cartons and nicking a couple of beers to climb up the steps to the Pagoda, but for being too dumb and fuckin lazy to open the bus storage compartment to steal a couple of coldies.

I guess he had a justifiable excuse cause he was already pissed (and he supports Leads United).

Being pissed, he then tried to create a couple of dubious charges, but holding his beer on his head in his wrong hand nullified that attempt and we iced him again ……..meanwhile, even I was supplying “annoying little boy” with cups of ice cold water out the eskys to be used on “CD”

We then had our naming of “Just Maria”

Maria is a physics teacher, and lists yoga as her main hobby. She is also an army reservist, so the mismanagement team were working with such names as “Captain Bend Over” or “Corporal Strange Position” or even “General Flexible” before the final name was selected.

So welcome to the hash:

“Flexible Grunt”

As the last business of the day was concluded and it was 6.30pm we packed up and headed back to BBQ Un In where a few of us had a couple of coldies and a bite to eat.

If anyone has any good photos they want to offer, please send via messenger so I can add to my crappy ones, particularly any from the crew who climbed up to the Pagoda.

Hump day this week will be at 4Seasons coffee (and beer) shop at 02 Trinh Phong, where the proponent “Fuckin Innocent” says the food and beer is good and cheap. A separate notice of this and a map will be posted here on Tuesday

So that’s it till next week and ON ON

R.A

Nha Trang Hash House Harriers

 added 20 new photos.

14 September at 08:50  · 

Hares: NFI

Pack 12 and 22 (after some dropped out, cause a town run)

On our first run since July 26th, we had the beer, we had the ice, we had a trail marked and we had the people – but although booked and confirmed on Wednesday, our asthmatic blue bus was a complete no show.

This left 15 hashers at the town pick-up and 26 at the BBQ Un In, home of the Nha Trang hash twiddling their thumbs. To exasperate the issue, on phoning the bus owner, he claimed it was on its way ….at least until he stopped answering his phone.

And so at 3.30pm, plan B was invoked and “Rent Boy” lead off the city pick-up hashers while “Saddle Sniffer” lead out the group from BBQ Un in.

I have no idea where each group of hashers went cause I was in a taxi with a couple of other lazy bastards and two eskies containing cleansing San Miguel ale and a pile of soft drinks to set up the drinks stop in the beachside park, adjacent to the first big roundabout on the north-side.

An hour later, by some strange quirk of fate, both parties of hashers arrived within a minute of each other and partook in said ales.

It was then off again for stage 2, which again had 2 groups. One group went walkabout around and around following “Saddle Sniffer”, while the other group just strolled back to the BBQ Un In where we had the food and round up on the footpath adjacent to the river.

After the customary Water Melon, “Screwgineer” once again dished up an excellent chicken curry and in such quantities that many people had multiple bowls – Oh -and some vegetarian crap too

As we did not do the trail set up by “Rent Boy” and “Broken Waters” and yet we needed to Ice somebody, “Fuckin Innocent” and “Just Maria” were iced because they hared the last walk back in July ….I know, I know – but life is not fair either.

The R.A. had “Rent Boy” on the ice for leaving his bag behind at the drinks stop. Since the 1970’s, nobody has been comfortable with Irish people walking away and leaving their bag behind.

“Just Collette” tried to stick up for “Rent Boy” by pointing out that “Rent Boy” is actually a protestant from Dublin ………so we iced her as well.

“Miss Mary Poppins” had “Broken Waters” on the ice as “BW” had accidentally knocked off “MMP’s” sunglasses onto the river bank, where luckily the athletic “Fat Bastard” managed to droop down, retrieve and was still able to keep his feet dry ………………………and then “BW” accidentally knocked “MMP’s” beer into the river too. That icing would all have been fine, but some hashers decided that “BW” needed a beer shampoo as he had had a birthday 2 weeks earlier …….”Really??”

In perhaps a retaliatory move, rather than a righteous move (although the GM did announce we were on run No 350 something, when we are actually on 383) “BW” called for “MMP” to be iced. When this request was rebuffed, it was then put to the vote, where ALL hashers voted that “MMP” should be iced – and so it came to pass

Sometimes though, hashers get a bit carried away and, in a scene reminiscent of many a Superbowl, “Ass Tulip” and “Indecent Exposure” upended an eskie of icy water of the unsuspecting “MMP” ……… not normally a problem, however he was still carrying his bag, complete with mobile phone, the hash record keeping books and the hash money float – we really need to discuss having a rule about nothing valuable on the ice.

With all the fake and fictitious charges exhausted (OK – the beer was running low) it was cleanup time and then many of the hashers went in for a beer to the BBQ Un In

Hopefully we will be bussed up for next week, where we can attempt the trail which was supposed to be run this week.

As I type, I have just realised that we have forgotten to nominate a hasher to pick a venue for Hump Day Drinks this week. In light of all his efforts in organising many an unofficial run to stop the hashers getting too fat during the second covid-19 closedown, “Rent Boy” will be given a second bite of the cherry and asked to nominate a venue.

A post will go up about that on Tuesday

ON ON

R.A

Nha Trang Hash House Harriers added 100 new photos to the album Run No 382 – Afoul of the Law run – July 26th 2020.

Published by David Thomas · 23m

Hares: “Fuckin Innocent” and “Just Maria”

Pack 46 (including squidilies (Plus 2 strollers) and a small dog

Well, good news and bad news on this run. The good news is we had a healthy pack of 46 for the second week running, but the bad news is the resurgence of fear following a few new cases of the virus springing up in Da Nang. Additionally, as I type this report, the news reports suggest we will be back to wearing masks and using hand sanitizer’s for next weeks hash (As a minimum)

So back to the details – At 3pm, the near full asthmatic bus took off from the BBQ Un IN, the home of the Nha Trang Hash and headed north over the bridge and up into a bit of a hilly region to be deposited on a rural road.

The GM introduced the couple of virgins and then the hares took over and “Just Maria” described the run ……… in Vietnamese.

We then headed off up a couple of Hems and then up a bit of a hill before we came to the first circle where the front running hashers started checking.

“Knob Polisher” found the route with three successive arrows and the pack were off up a bigger hill.
Unfortunately, 200m on from the crest of the hill and after passing a few more directional arrows we came across a couple of XX’s indicating false trail. We then had everyone checking the various possible trails between the XX and the last arrow at the crest of the hill.

After the whole pack had caught up, including hare “Fuckin Innocent”, it turns out he wanted everyone back down the hill to pick another route from the checking circle. This useless escapade did not go down to well with “Rent Boy”, who hasn’t liked a Hill since Benny died some 28 years ago and so “Fuckin Innocent” copped some wild Irish abuse into his ancestry and genealogy with “Old Goat” the only part I am willing to put into writing in this report.

Meanwhile “Fuckin Innocent” claimed it was a highly intelligent maneuver to keep the pack together, however like many of his watertight claims, this one too had the tributes of a colander.
Firstly the pack split up again almost immediately and secondly, none of the other 2 possible routes from the last check circle had any markings ….except suddenly they did as “Fat Bastard” laid out some paper on “FI’s” behalf once most had come down the hill.

From there the trail was pretty easy to follow and we went through some nice country as the photos will attest to.

The drinks stop had the usual cleansing San Miguel ales and then it was off for part 2 of the run which was pretty short and was all street and Hem based, which lead “Free Balls” to start taking pictures of the locals, a few of which I have stolen and added here.

It was at trail end that we had a bit of drama.

“Screwgineer” served up the watermelon and then a lovely chicken curry which was very popular, and all washed down with some cleansing San Miguel ale.

Meanwhile, “Constant Disappointment” decided it would be a good idea to have a 20,000 dong haircut from a street barber adjacent to the round up. Unfortunately, the street barber had other ideas and CD was disappointed he had to pay 50,000 dong for a westerner haircut, but not half as disappointed as when he looked at the finished results. (Judge for yourself from the photos, but to me it looks like the result of using a No 4 size bowl)

So what “Ass Tulip” was thinking when he got onto the chair next (after seeing the earlier results and knowing the price) is beyond me – although to be fair, HIS cut does not look like a total “Dick”.

Also meanwhile, a policeman turned up and was not happy.

It turns out that some of the locals are worried that a big bunch of diseased foreigners had turned up on their doorstep and could actually be spreading Corona Virus – and they might be from Danang.

Now what “Dick Formage” and “Slime” thought they could achieve by going across to the said policeman is beyond me, and to be honest they would not be my first pick in diplomacy and charm to converse with a local area Vietnamese cop with no knowledge of English. It was thankfully left to ex-GM “Honeytrap” to sort out local to local, but the net result was we basically needed to get out of Dodge City immediately.

So it was onto the bus and a bit of a drive to find an accommodating spot, while also trying to stay clear of the streets we can no longer use as more and more limiting signs are erected around the streets of Nha Trang
.
And so we had our round up at a bit of a gap site and after the toast to the virgins, the hares were iced for a suitably long time for their “False Hill” shenanigans although their time was nowhere near as long as the punishment dished out the week before.

We then had the naming of “Just Grace”, co-hare of last week’s run.

It is said that Grace’s father is very protective of his young charge and is said to be like a fire breathing dragon (Not by me Mick, mate) if called to protect her.
It is known that Grace comes from Sheffield and therefore at some point in her life she will probably hook up with a local Ogre – who smells of onions, has lots of layers and has a best friend who is a donkey.
Additionally, being from Sheffield, she already has experience living in a swamp-like environment, although currently she is living Far Far Away.

Therefore - Welcome to the hash

“Princess Fiona”

After the naming we had some charges, including the 6 Hashers who came prematurely and soaked “Princess Fiona” with beer and ice cold water before Rent Boy had initiated her naming song (Yep – we soaked her a second time at the drink it down, down stage later)

Returning hasher “No Cuntrol” was iced as was “Just Kilo” (Perhaps unfairly as he does not yet have a hash name) as they had not been for a long while and “Just Kilo” suffered a double whammy as 8 year old “Just Ben” decided to throw cold water on him for no apparent reason (He will keep)

“Constant Disappointment” and “Just Christian” were iced for “Sex on the Hash” and CD should have been iced again for wearing a skirt with the semi-appearance of a Scottish Kilt (There are only 2 types of people in the world – Scottish people and people who want to be Scottish – but WE DON’T WANT HIM)

Finally “Dick Formage” and “Slime” were iced for being fuckin nosy and going over to the Vietnamese Cop when they could, and should, have sat back and let our local Vietnamese hashers discuss any issues with local Vietnamese police.

Thereafter it was back on the bus and back to the BBQ Un IN where quite a few hashers stayed back for drinks and in some cases food.

Please note that the Hump Day drinks this Wednesday, courtesy of “Ass Tulip” will be at the Rooftop Bar at Bondi Backpackers (Dave Campbell's place) – 6pm. I will post a reminder and specials menu on Tuesday in a separate notification

ON ON

R.A

Nha Trang Hash House Harriers added 104 new photos to the album Run No 381 – A Constantly Disappointed Run – July 19th 2020.

Published by David Thomas · 3d

Hares: “Constant Disappointment” and “Just Grace”

Pack 46 (including squidilies (Plus 2 strollers)

A good sized pack turned up at the BBQ Un In, home of the Nha Trang Hash eager for a well thought out and challenging route. Unfortunately, the only thing thought out was where to start and finish, and as both places were identical as was the drinks stop, it was unlikely that any hashers got lost today.

To be fair, “Constant Disappointment (CD)” does work and he claims that he didn’t have the daylight time to set the full run with “Just Grace” but had all the basics – except for the second half.

So the day progress of the day started with the asthmatic bus dropping us off at the I Resort Car park where the GM introduced the virgins and then passed over to our 2 hares. With the advice from CD that we should not get ahead of him, the pack followed him down some lanes adjacent to the resort and then across the Rickety Bridge.

From there it was round and around and around, until we came back across the Rickety Bridge and back to the Asthmatic Bus for the drinks stop and some cleansing San Miguel ales.

Part 2 of the route must have been sponsored by the I resort as all we did was walk around it once and that only took about 10 minutes.

So we had watermelon and sat about and had various chats while Screwgineer served up a noodle dish which was both tasty and very popular with the hash pack.

And then we had the round up.

After the customary toast to the virgins, “Ass Tulip” ripped into the hares with a scathing description of the run, however he started to run out of words so he had a rest so he could think up more bad things to say. This was appreciated by all, except for the 2 hares who had a greatly extended stint on the ice.

Eventually, after we had consulted and exhausted Roget’s Thesaurus for all the bad words we could say about the run – particularly the second part, the hares were allowed to escape from the ice and thaw out their bums.

The R.A. then took over and we had a couple of naming’s for hares from previous runs. First up was Just Lan who set run 379 with “Saddle Sniffer”. Just Lan is a microbiologist and is also a doctor specialising in eyes. Names referring to micro retina’s were considered and as were names relating to studies in microscopic organisms such as bacteria, algae, fungi etc, before a name was finally determined.

So Welcome to the hash

“Dr Small Balls”

It was then Just Rudy’s to be named as he had set run No 380 with Rent Boy. Now this naming was tricky because we don’t know too much about Just Rudy, so we asked his girlfriend “Pussy Pounder” for advice, and she in turn phoned his mother is South Africa to find out if she had any idea’s.

And so it came to pass, that Just Rudy was named by those who know him best, so welcome to the Hash

“Masepoes”

I don’t know what it means, but the cry went up from the hashers which was like a scene from the film Gladiator where the Coliseum erupted with the name of their champion

“Masepoes”, “Masepoes”, “Masepoes”

Such a response from the pack inspired some to go far and above a simple pouring of beer on the head during a naming and so the ice water contents of an esky were used to ensure a proper dousing.

A couple of minor charges were then laid including a charge on “just Calum” (an infant) for running around with his willie out. The proponent of the charge (CD) was then iced for a false charge, while “Rent Boy” was also put on the ice as it is understood that he does the same thing after midnight on most nights.

And that was about it for another week on the hash, except to say that we had over 20 hashers stay back for drinks and food at the BBQ Un In which is the best way to than the hosts and the home of the hash.

Please note that the Hump Day drinks this Wednesday, as decreed by Knob Polisher will be at Fork’n Lekker Garden Cafe – 6pm

ON ON

Nha Trang Hash House Harriers added 106 new photos to the album Run No 380 – The Rudy Hare inaugural – July 12th 2020.

Published by David Thomas · 5d

Hares: “Rent Boy” and “Just Rudy”

Pack 36 plus three short people and two weans

A fair sized pack turned up at the BBQ Un In, home of the Nha Trang Hash - the only thing missing was the GM, “Miss Mary Poppins” who cried off sick at 2 pm leaving a floundering “Broken Waters” to undertake the administrative affairs. The asthmatic bus, however, still managed to get away on time.

At the drop off and round up, “Saddle Sniffer” stepped up to fill the GM role and introduced our sole virgin before handing off to our two hares for the day.

As Honey trap advised later at the circle up, the actual first part of the run had nearly everything – it had roadways, it had fields, it had bush and it had confusion. What it didn’t have much of, was paper or arrows.

Luckily, however our front runners, knowing that it was Just Rudy’s first time as hare and also knowing that “Rent Boy” is a lazy bastard, could basically hold a true course to eventually find some sort of markings and find our way back to the bus for the drinks stop – although even then, the way was only clear because “Saddle Sniffer” got sent ahead to remark the route with chalk.

After some cleansing San Miguel ale, the pack was back on the bus and we moved to a second area for Part 2.

If Part 1 was confusing, Part 2 took it to a whole new level, with “Rent Boy” sending everyone on a false trail. Around two thirds of the pack came back to the bus where “Rent Boy” sent them on a totally different direction which was apparently marked – I cant really comment on that as I got left behind to sort out the ice and the beer.

The other third of the pack assumed that “Rent Boy” was just slack at marking-up and created a whole new trail for themselves before returning to the bus some 30 mins later. And that is why the Part 2 photos reflect 2 different trails.

At the circle up, after the customary Watermelon and a hearty vegetable stew cooked up by “Screwgineer”, “Saddle Sniffer” again took center stage for the toast to the virgin and invited “Honeytrap” to give the run report after sitting the hares on the ice.

Surprisingly, there seemed to be very few charges this week, as the Religious Advisor took the plaudits for some more fantastic weather, and it was generally thought because nobody else on the hash is as mean as our missing GM.
The R.A therefore took it upon himself to chuck the three kids on the ice as being freeloaders whereby two of them even felt too tired to partake in Part 2 of the run.

“Constant Disappointment” had been discussing how happy he was that his team Leeds United had won again, so the R.A put him on the ice and asked him to identify any other Leeds supporters, who were subsequently also invited onto the ice - as was “Rent Boy” who is Irish. This action was a mark of respect for Jack Charlton who has just passed away and had played for Leeds forever. He had later managed and taken the Irish International Football team to 2 world cups and a European championship – Oh, and he also earned a World Cup Winners medal courtesy of some dodgy refereeing decisions against the Germans back in 1966.

When the charging was opened up to the pack, “Just Ben” was introduced to the concept of false charges and had another stint on the ice because he wanted to put his brother on the ice, but for no reason.

Atomic Craic was put on the ice because she has been too slack to come to the hash for quite a few weeks and could therefor be considered a returning hasher.

The brew-master role for the day was carried out by “Knob Polisher” but please be aware that the 8 year old’s on the ice were not given cleansing San Miguel ale – no way are we wasting it on them.

And that was about it for another week on the hash.

Please note that the Hump Day drinks this Wednesday will be at La Bella Crepe – 6pm. A reminder with the address of the premises will be put out on Tuesday

ON ON

R.A

Nha Trang Hash House Harriers added 79 new photos to the album Run no 379 – The déjà vu run.

Published by David Thomas · 23 mins

Hares: “Saddle Sniffer ” and “Just Lan”

5 July 2020

Pack 40 plus some short people

Ok – you get that we all met up in the BBQ Un In, home of the Nha Trang Hash and that the bus was on time and the ice was there – basically all good ………..BUT

Bit of a traffic issue in Nha Trang at the moment with the major arterial road closed at an overpass and many signs going up to prevent larger vehicles from using smaller roads to bypass that particular problem.

Unfortunately, our asthmatic bus is classed in this larger bracket and many of the roads we previously used to get to the start of our routes are now effectively closed for the bus.

Our hares were unaware of this problem, which many of us discovered the previous week and so when we discussed with the bus driver, it was confirmed that the Asthmatic bus would not be able to legally get to the already marked up trail.

One of our hares, “Saddle Sniffer” advised he could track another route on the north side away from the traffic problem as he had previously logged it for future use. This was all agreed on and “Saddle Sniffer” directed the bus to a drop off point and after the circle up and the introduction of the hares, we set off on a long flat stretch following which the fuck-up occurred.

Unfortunately “Saddle Sniffer” was ill last week and did not know what his fellow trailblazers “Knob Polisher” and “Broken Waters” realised - that we had run this exact route last week, except from the other direction. – and hence The déjà vu run.

Now I guess I could have used the photos from last week (and the run report) ….bugger it, im lazy - read last weeks for Part 1.

For the second part of the run, “Miss Mary Poppins” winged it for a new route while the rest of us were on Part 1 and for part 2 he took us through fields broad and narrow singing cock-up’s and fuck-up;s alive alive oh!

At the trail end we had traditional cleansing San Miguel ales with the watermelon and the excellent Chicken Curry cooked up by Screwgineer, who could not actually make the run himself. (He also had some vegetarian stuff – but who wants to write about that?)

After the toast to the virgins, the 2 hares were iced (perhaps unfairly given the circumstances) and were further punished by allowing “Dick Formage” to give the on-site run report thus ensuring a lengthy stay on the ice.

When we eventually got “Dick Formage” out of the circle, “Major Pain in the Ass” was iced and given the customary crap we haven’t been able to sell in recognition of 50 runs.

“Fuckin Innocent” was then iced – not because its his birthday this week, but was iced because at his age he should have died of Corona virus like everyone else over 96.

As birthdays were mentioned, “Fat Bastard” was also iced for his birthday …….but they had got it lucky.

Just Rudy was then iced for his thirty third birthday, and “Constant Disappointment” baked him an on the spot hash birthday cake with butter eggs and flour.

After that, the circle was opened and “Fuckin Innocent” laid charges against “Rent Boy”.
Now apart from it being bad form for one Zombie to lay charges against a fellow Zombie, false charges relating to short cuts is just not allowed, so “Fuckin Innocent” and “Rent Boy” swapped places.

As we still had a bit of time, Pussie Pounder, who has a broken foot, was charged for not only just turning up at the hash end circle to watch her boyfriend’s birthday humiliation, but for being first in the Esky for the cleansing San Miguel beer.
“Broken Waters” upped the charge after he took away “Pussie Pounders” crutches and accused her of trying to steal another hashers name – cause “Crutchless” was already on this run.

Some other minor charges were laid, then it was all back on the asthmatic bus and home to the BBQ Un In where about 15 of us stayed to wish Just Rudy a happy birthday (after he had washed all the flour and shit off his head)

And so its ON ON till next week

Just a reminder that the Hump Day drinks will be at the Sunshine Bar at 6pm this Wednesday, however many may be going their earlier for the lovely sunsets there. I will post a map / location / reminder of Tuesday

R.A.

Nha Trang Hash House Harriers added 116 new photos to the album Run No 378 – The Noah’s practice half run.

Published by David Thomas · 22 mins

Hares: “Pickle Dick” and “Mirror”

Pack 47 plus some short people

Well didn’t the Religious advisors fuck up?

I guess the dark and foreboding sky was a bit of a giveaway, but after a fantastic year of only once on the ice for inclement weather, the heavens opened up with a vengeance and dumped a deluge on the mostly unsuspecting hashers – although to be fair, the 2 religious advisor positions are both held by quick walkers so it was only the tail enders who really only got dumped on – well at least initially.

And yet it all began so well.

A large crowd turned out including 7 virgins and visitors at the BBQ Un In, home of the Nha Trang Hash. The asthmatic bus arrived on time and again delivered a large contingent from the in-town pick up point and we left only slightly after 3pm with a basically full bus.

After some back road manoeuvring by the asthmatic bus to counter bridge maintenance work, we arrived at the assembly point where the GM did the introduction, the identification of the virgins and then passed over to the hares to describe the route. It was noticed at this point, that a couple of faithless local hashers had popped into the shop across the road and purchased some throw-away plastic raincoats.

And then it was off and running - well walking actually, as this bunch of lazy bastards struggled to work up a sweat on the totally flat run. T
he scenery was nice however, and we traversed lots of small streets and Hems before emerging beside the river for a while before traipsing along some country tracks.

And all the while lay the dark foreboding sky.

And so it was, that at the drinks stop after only 3 km, the rain began.

And thereafter, all the early finishers of Part 1 of the route piled back on the asthmatic bus, cleansing ales in hand to await the rain to pass and to watch the wringing wet slow walkers eventually turn up at the drinks stop.

Unfortunately, the rain did not pass.

Rent Boy, complete in his one piece full length condom departed and returned to the bus fulfilling the role of drinks dispenser to the bunch of pussy hashers who didn’t want to get wet.
And same said pussy hashers were not really up for another 2.8km walk in the pissing rain so we took off in the asthmatic bus to find a drier location for round up and an impromptu second trail.

But that didn’t work out.

Parts of the mismanagement team reckoned the I Resort car park was the place to go, as it has a roof, however after a harrowing journey by the now semi amphibious asthmatic bus, it turns out the “roof” is patchy shadecloth offering up next to no protection.

After another round of discussions, the La Bella Crepe Nha Trang (6/2 Nguyễn Thiện Thuật )was offered up by its owners, and all was jolly until the bus driver pointed out that he was not allowed along the main street till after 6:30pm……….bugger – but thanks for the offer Taxi Girl.

Just then one of our Vietnamese hashers came back from a damp walk and suggested that the owners of a takeaway joint / breakfast restaurant may let them use their premises, and for a small consideration, this is exactly what transpired.

And none of the lazy bastards wanted a second walk in the rain anyway.

Therefore, “Pickle Dick” dished out the watermelon and some fantastic vegetable soup (so I am told) as the cold and hungry hashers devoured it at a fast pace - I guess I was just not quick enough, which is strange when food is around.
Luckily however, “Dick Formage” had brought an assortment of dips and bagels, courtesy of Red Gate Bakery Café (8 Hùng Vương, P, Thành phố ) which were fantastic and I was well in on the quickly disappearing food.

And then, over a few cleansing San Miguel ales, it was time for the round up.

Miss Mary Poppins introduced the virgins and determined what made them come.

Pickle Dick and Mirror as hares were iced with the run report split between “Broken Waters” for Part 1, “Rent Boy” for the drinks stop and “Miss Mary Poppins” for Part 2. As Part 1 and 2 were basically on the bus, the only purpose of this was to increase the time “Pickle Dick” and “Mirror” spent on the ice.

The Religious Advisor put the Assistant Religious Advisor on the ice as she hadn’t been last week and it didn’t rain, so therefor it must be her fault it rained this week. The weak and easily influenced mismanagement team, however buckled under mounting cat calls and the ridiculously handsome Religious Advisor was also iced.

Next up were charges, and “Rent Boy” was iced because last week on the way home, he threw beer out of the bus window at “Indecent Exposure”.
Now lets be clear – this is not a crime and anyone throwing anything at “Indecent Exposure” should be encouraged, however “Rent Boy” missed and got a Vietnamese bloke on a motorbike who promptly chased the asthmatic bus shouting insults while “Rent Boy” was heard to be shouting “Im Sorry, Im Sorry”

After that, “Broken Waters” was suckered into a charge under a hash rule (which doesn’t exist – but “BW” did not know this) which says you cant charge anyone for anything that happened the previous week.

Following this “Broken Waters” was again on the ice alongside “Fuckin Innocent” for apparently completing 50 hash runs and both were given a fantastic bag of rubbish that the GM has not been able to sell since Adam was a boy.

With 6.30pm fast approaching, the damp pack headed back to the asthmatic bus after first establishing the hares for the next 5 weeks

ON ON till next week

This weeks hump day drinks will be held at Bong Crazy who supported the hash team through the Pandemic and who will be putting on some free nibblies. See you there

Run no 377 – The commemorative fuck off Dingo and Dosage run 

21 June 2020

Hares: “Crutchless” and “Lusty” 

Pack 37 including a few short people and a tot. 

Well – Im sorry, but some sights just can’t be unseen.

And so it was at 2.45pm at the BBQ Un In, the home of the Nha Trang hash.

I would love to describe a veritable bevy of beauty bestowing their presence upon Nha Trang’s premier barbecue eatery – but in reality, even the BBQ Un In staff were like “What the fuck????”

The bravery of some arriving by motorbike already outfitted in a red dress was awesome (and not in a good way) however,  if I was a poor Vietnamese traffic cop seeing “Slime” driving along on his bike, I wouldn’t have dared stopping him.

At 3pm sharp and with all hashers suitably masked, the asthmatic bus took us northside while the GM carried out additional sales of our new Nha Trang “Hash Zombie Survival” shirt (See last 2 photos). 

At the start round up, and after the usual introduction by the GM, Miss Mary Pippins, wearing a catching little red outfit advertising our San Miguel sponsor, the one virgin was welcomed before the hares took us through the day’s planned route.

“Crutchless”, wearing a striking dress resembling my granny’s old curtains, then took us through the details of the run he had set with “Lusty” and then it was off to terrorise (or traumatise) the local northside population. 

The run took in many small streets, a bit of bush, a dam wall and a spillway irrigation channel before the front 3 runners arrived at the drinks stop close to the base of the Pagoda Road to tuck into some cleansing San Miguel beer. 
Unfortunately however, through some delegation and miscommunication, this was not the intended drinks stop, so “Crutchless”(The rotten bastard) moved the drinks stop (Via motorbike) to the Pagoda entrance and the poor hashers had to ascend up a hill so steep that the asthmatic bus was incapable of climbing. Sure – the views up there were spectacular, but many of our hashers had difficulty appreciating the views for some minutes as they were finding it hard to breathe. ……. well at least that was what they were claiming until “Constant Disappointment” offered to give mouth to mouth whereby everybody, and I mean everybody was suddenly fully fit as a fiddle.
 
Meanwhile “Rent Boy”, who put forward the case to be called “Rent Bowie” with his new retro wig, was giving Alice an injection of air because she kept on going down on him. Now I personally have no objection to a rubber doll coming on the hash, however “Constant Disappointment” has lodged a complaint with the hash mismanagement committee as even Alice wouldn’t accept mouth to mouth from him.

And while all that shit was happening - the ice cold San Miguel beer was fantastic

What goes up, must come down however, so after a lengthy rest for some (it took quite a while to get all the stragglers up the hill) we headed off along a mainly street second half run but which finished up along the shorefront and back to the asthmatic bus.

After the watermelon we were dished up some fantastic beef and vegetable soup by Screwgineer, although some of the “ladies” described it as muscle soup as Screwgineer was shirtless for the whole day ….. bask in it while you can mate, cause in 20 years you will probably need a bra like the rest of us.

After the Virgin song, Broken Waters, wearing what can only be described as a colourful 3-man tent, delivered the results of the competition for the 3 best dressed females, with promised prize for the winner.

Dick Formage came third after an initial objection about his sexuality, however, when it was pointed out that Dick’s name is actually Michelle and has personal traits which includes lots of whinging, a constant prattle of conversation and no matter what the subject is, Dick’s opinion is  ALWAYS right, the nomination was accepted.

Second place went to Honey Trap in her natty little outfit, and she could possibly have won but was docked too many demerit points for not actually going on the walk due to the 4 inch high heel boots she was wearing. 

The outright winner, determined by judges “Broken Waters”, “Rent Boy” and “Screwgineer” was “South Pole” - because she had the shortest skirt. 

The 3 best dressed male hashers of the day were determined by “Knob Polisher”, “Out and Proud” and “Honey Trap”, with the verdict delivered by “Knob Polisher”. 
The Harriette’s selection was much more scientific and was actually based on dress sense. 
“Rent Boy” in a red clinging dress which would look sexy on just about anyone else took out the honors with second place going to “Crutchless” and third to “Just Rudy” who appeared to have raided “Pussy Pounders” 12 year old sisters wardrobe for an outfit which can only be described as stomach churning.

And the wonderful prize for these 2 winners? – Rent Boy got to be “Dosage” for the rest of the day while “South Pole” got to be Dingo – and they both got to deliver the run report.

Following the scathing run report, and some questionable antics by “Dosage” who seemed to believe that Lusty needed to review what was under her skirt, returning hashers were put on the ice including “Microbe”, “Microdesiac” and “Deadly”. “South Pole” could have claimed she was “Dosage” and got out of being a returning hasher, but what the hell – her bum was wet already.

The circle was then opened for other charges and “Constant Disappointment” was in like a flash with a beer on his head and in his left hand - and as ever, it started to get a bit silly from there.

Calls for “Dosage” and “Dingo” to be put on the ice for being on the hash, AND for simultaneously being in quarantined in a Sydney Travelodge went unheeded, and so concluded Run 376, and it was back to the BBQ Un In where a smaller than usual team stopped for a couple of after run beers and a toast to “Dingo” and “Dosage” – We hope you get out of quarantine and back to beautiful Brisbane soon.

Please note that “Rent Boy” has picked the venue for the 3rd Hump day meet-up this Wednesday (24th June) and it will be held in Cheers Sports Bar at 6pm. 
Cheers is another venue doing it tough with no tourists and no sport and it is also soon to be closed, with the owners moving to new premises, so come along and say goodbye to the place.

Until then – its ON ON

Nha Trang Hash House Harriers added 93 new photos to the album Run no 376 – The Religious pilgrimage run – A bridge too far?

Published by David Thomas · 1 hr

June 14, 2020

Hares: “Krusty Stains” and “Broken Waters”

Pack 37 including 2 short persons.

Setting off at 3pm sharp from the BBQ Un In, the home of the Nha Trang hash, and loaded with food, bevvi, hand sanitiser and all kitted out in face masks the intrepid adventurers set off on a pilgrimage.

With the Religious Advisor and Assistant Religious Advisor setting the run, it was always going to be around a church, pagoda or other structure of reverence, and so it was that Krusty Stains located a monastery which she believed we had not hashed around before.

She was right - It had not been hashed before because in olden days it used to take 2 weeks by camel to get there, and unfortunately our poor asthmatic bus is not that much faster to be honest (but it is quite cheap). However, given the distance we were obliged to give our faithful driver a bit extra for the journey – not for diesel, but for the extra engine and gear oil he burned up on the trip.

And so it was on this Sunday 14th of June, 80 years to the day when the Germans invaded Paris, the hashers invaded post corona countryside and even before the knackered asthmatic bus had settled on its wheel rims, “Fat Bastard” was already scoffing a stolen mango.
Despite the Religious Advisor telling all to not take the forbidden fruit, “Fat Bastard” was soon joined by others in a mango hunt and it is uncertain if this was the reason, or perhaps because Screwgineer was teasing a baby in a bassinet with the offer of cleansing San Miguel beer, but the official reason we needed to move the bus for the second part of the run was the locals did not want diseased foreigner’s fucking up their quiet rural life.

I expect we may get this reaction for a while, until the Corona pestilence finally dies down in the world, however, a word of warning to all the locals - wait till you see us next week in red dresses.

Anyhooo, back to the run. The first part produced some fantastic scenery and included many photo opportunities of bush-land, waterways and structures including the monastery, a rail bridge and a dam and outlet structure. And it seems many took the opportunity because on a run of under 5km, the quicker WALKERS were back at the drinks stop over 30 minutes before the stragglers started to show up.

The second part of the walk was much shorter (about 2km) and went through irrigation areas, wetlands with associated fauna and through mango fields, also known as “other opportunities area”
“Rent Boy” managed to shorten the run further by ignoring the markers and cutting across fields so he would not have to walk so far, yet still came out laden with forbidden fruits.

At the “New” round-up area and after the watermelon (Probably didn’t need it as many hashers were already full of mango), Screwgineer had prepared some fantastic pancakes which went down a treat, and in keeping with the religious theme of the run, the pancake basket never seemed to run out and everyone was full as a chook on pancakes – well everyone but “Rent Boy” cause he can’t eat seafood (Luckily he was full of mangos). Also luckily, the Religious Advisor is a fat fucker and managed to scoff about 14 pancakes to eventually empty the basket.

And so to the round up.

The virgins were addressed and then the 2 religious Advisors (hares) were suitably iced and remained on the ice for some time as Indecent Exposure described and scored the run in such a long-winded fashion of total irrelevance that “Dick Formage” was heard to utter “That’s my boy”.

“Chick Magnet” was put on the ice for not keeping his gob shut when he had no involvement in the circle other than chatting to his mates and then iced again as an honour of reaching 50 hash runs and presented with hash paraphernalia of such intrinsic value, that he suspected he might need a security guard to accompany him home with such a haul of shit we couldn’t sell.

On a bit of a sad note – and as a reminder to all, the hash is a bit of fun and if you want to participate in the fun, you need to stick to the fun rules. If you want to have private conversations with your friends or otherwise, or don’t want to participate, please take yourself some 40m away and don’t disturb the fun for everyone else. Yes it is sometimes hard to tone it down after a few beers, and “Chick Magnet” was guilty without the beers, and so took his ice punishment, however a guilty “Foot Job” did not, and so we unfortunately got exposed to a bit of a hissy fit.

Nomatter – it all happens on the hash and it stays on the hash – and we are all adults (well except for the 2 short people), so singed bridges can be repaired - so On On went the circle.

“Slime” was put on the ice because the last time he attended hash, Jesus was a teenager and “Slime’s” hash name back then was “Fresh”.

“Out and Proud” was stuck on the ice for her lack of faith in the Religious Advisor and bringing a plastic rain coat…….and the Religious Advisor was stuck on the ice for being a pussy and carrying the raincoat in his backpack for her.

Looking at the photos, “Indecent Exposure” dodged a bullet (a stint on the ice) because every photo he is in, he is hand in hand with his girlfriend and a clearer violation of “Sex on the hash” would be hard to find.

And so that about concluded Run No 376 as we packed up and boarded the asthmatic bus for the long journey home, although it was a tad quicker going home as the driver knew a better route (and in a final religious moment of the day, we got to hail “hallelujah” as we drove past the San Miguel Brewery).

It was a much later than usual arrival back at the BBQ Un in where 40% of the pack went in for another beer and some partook in a meal, although many others were still full of pancakes.

So until next weeks Red Dress Run ….ON ON hashers

Nha Trang Hash House Harriers added 101 new photos to the album Run no 375 – The Great Dingo and Dosage Fuck off Run.

Published by David Thomas · 49 mins · 

Hares: “Saddle Sniffer” with assistance from “Miss Mary Poppins”

Pack 46 including 3 short people, one tiny person and one Teddy

End of an Era?

And just like that, a couple of founding members of the Nha Trang Hash had their last trail – well at least until they come back again – So Fuck off Dingo and Dosage

The run started as ever, from the BBQ Un In, home of the Nha Trang hash and extra beer and additional ice was stored in anticipation of a lengthy round up and Fuck off session for Dingo and Dosage.

We had a few hashers who had not been for a while, who were obviously there just to make sure Dingo and Dosage were leaving, plus the return of “Pay me now” carrying an additional little bundle.

After a shaky start when “Miss Mary Poppins” couldn’t add up properly and returned the asthmatic bus back to the BBQ Un In (for no one), we headed west, west and west again. The mistaken return to base was, however, fortuitous for hasher “Attention Whore” who had turned up late with the excuse that he had just given his wife something for her birthday, though he failed to explain what.

The lengthy bus ride was scary for some, while others were actually laying bets on when “Fuckin Innocent” was going to drop the baby he kept juggling - this way and that.

Eventually, some 40 minutes later, the eager pack was deposited at the side of an industrial complex where the GM performed the pre-run talk and the hares gave the run description. The hares should have been Constant Disappointment and Dosage, but the former lived up to his name and went to watch the football at Nha Trang Stadium instead of going on hash, leaving Saddle Sniffer to save the day once again. As he was on his lonesome for the run description, the GM appointed Atomic Craic as stand in dosage for the day and deliver the description.

And then for something completely different
The GM took us to the front of the factory we were beside, and Hallelujah ……It was the San Miguel Brewery.

Well this revelation called for the pack to get down on one knee while the Religious Advisor delivered the beer prayer, beginning with “Our lager, though you be in tins”

The pack then set off under a dark foreboding sky, which played havoc with the lighting for the cameras and didn’t do much for the underwear of the Religious Advisor either, particularly when a couple of rain drops actually fell.

The run itself was fairly flat along country tracks with a couple of false trails, until the hare took us off into a field. Unfortunately he only took paper into half the field and the main pack kinda caught up with the lead team because everyone was spread about in the fields with not a bit of paper in sight.

When faced in this dilemma, I always do the same thing – follow the Ukrainians and Lithuanians cause they can smell beer from 14 km away.

And thus it came to pass that the lead team found its way out of the field, while managing to lose about 30 of the pack at the same time.

It would have been all plain sailing from there, if the hare (Saddle Sniffer) had a bit more knowledge.
First of all, the run was Fuck off Dingo and Dosage, not Duck off Dingo and Dosage. Secondly, ducks have legs and they can walk.

And so, when the trail took us to the water and a small weir in the middle of a duck farm, no trail could be found – because it was now under a couple of hundred ducks.

Luckily, Miss Mary Poppins had some prior knowledge of the area (as I think he once dated a duck), and so took the lead and before you knew it we were out the other side, past the water regulating structure (or hash pose place) and down to the bus.

However

It took so long for the lost pack to find the way back to the bus, that we were in danger of being in the dark, and so the run was cut short and we bussed to the final round up of the Great Great Dingo and Dosage Fuck off Run.

Screwgineer again came up with the goods for food (after the watermelon) and it was 2 wraps each to be washed down with cleansing San Miguel beer

After the virgins were introduced and the hares put on the ice, it was then an extended icing for Dingo and Dosage just to ensure that they fucked off with cold bums.

Three other founding members, Pickle Dick, Mirror and Andy Capp rambled on for ages recapping all of the pairs previous sins whilst every time either Dingo or Dosages name came up, the pack would scream “fuck off Dingo” or “Fuck of Dosage” and “down, down ,down” in a veiled attempt to get them pie eyed.

Meanwhile the GM attempted to get 3 separate groups into order to perform 3 separate hash songs which would increase in volume till a positive crescendo erupted as a fantastic farewell to Dingo and Dosage ….but unfortunately it came out like a wet fart – I guess trying to coordinate hashers in Vietnam is like trying to heard cats

And so that was the final hash for our own dynamic duo.

However, if you want so say farewell to Dingo and Dosage and thank`1
them for their years in hash, years in Nha Trang, years of work with Crazy Kim’s school and the fantastic support shown for good causes including the orphanage, we will all be telling them to Fuck Off again at the Kilo Bar and Distillery from 7pm Thursday night.(Bar will be open from 5pm)

If you want to say farewell to Dave and Mauzz – they will be there too.

Hope to see you there and ON ON.

Oh Yes .....And Fuck off Dingo and Dosage.

R.A.